Yeah... I know nobody actually read my fics even less original stories, but now and then I need to read some because I kinda want to edit and enhace bits and so.. and I have to go all the way scrolling down to 2004 and it's annoying since I never actually kept them in one magic post...

Here we go:

( Ufinished )
( SUPERNATURAL )
( Dean Winchester's Birthdays series )
( CRIMINAL MINDS )
( ORIGINAL STORIES )
( Like Real Life series )
( Others )

Tittle: Six tears
Universe: Supernatural
Author: Kali
beta not yet
gender: Family angst
Characters: John Winchester, Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester and mention of others
rathed; G
Spoilers:S1 barely there
Summary: based on the idea of "someone knows why Dean eys were bleeding when bloody mary?
A/N: we feel guilty for a lot of things, but some people guilts are far worse.

***
This is the first, but is the second. He was ten the first time, he remembers it because the guy was dad's close friend, at least for a while, he remembers when the rougaroo held him and bit him hard, Dean heard the crack, the noise and he gasped and his eyes got closed and he feels guilty, because he should've kept his eyes open and he should've been the one saving him, he was the back up, that's what Dad said.

When Pastor Jim and Dad were burning the remains he was sitting next to a sleeping Sam inside the car, but he heard
"That's what happens when you hunt without a back up" Pastor Jim said and Dad growled
"He had back up, he had Dean"
"He had nothing! Dean is a kid, he's not real back up, you need a real hunter for this Winchester... "

Dean always felt this was his first kill, because, seriously... the guy died because of him.
***

The third and the second are from a couple he couldn't save, it was Loussiana and he got into the house when the angry spirit of a battered wife had them hanging from hooks on the ceiling, he tried to warn them but when the lady said he was just a kid trying to sneak intotheir wealth he got furious and left, he was 22 by then and Sam just jad left for Stanford, not even dad could stop him.

He feels guilty because the last he said was "you know what? I hope you get killed, and painfully for being such douche bags" he hardly got into his car by the time the first cristal broke and the man's scream pierced the morning quiet air.
***


The fourth is from a time when the creatures, Dad never really told him what they were, for all he knows it was some kind of very nasty witches, had a girl tied to a sacrifice stone and a dagger right over her heart.

"I give you. Oh great goddess this virgin" The spell was supposed to make them forever young and pretty, and Damn the hag holding the dagger could use the help... and he shot, one of the things he learn that night is that nobody actually flies back as it's seen in movies. instead the thing shrieked and got the girl out of the stone in one fluid motion while one of the others attacked him, Dean was 14 at the time and Dad was just four miles away and coming, he was held down "He'd be next... he's not a virgin but his blood is special" said one of them holding him and licking his face "All that delicious pure blood..." said sniffing his skin

"Let her go!!" he yelled, his voice still high, as any 14 years old voice, just starting to change.

"you care for her?" said the Witch, and held the girl clawing at her neck, the first dropplets of blood running down to her white cotton top as she cried. She begged, and begged and screamt in pain and fear while Dean saw the three things ripping her apart.

Dad got there and saved them both but while he was fighting the last one, and killed her, Dean had to pick up the dead body of a girl, hardly of Sammy's age, hardly heavy enough to make it hard to carry the lifeless body out of the shut.

He always feels guilty, because Hunters are supposed to save innocents, not to have them killed in front of you, Dad never said anything about it, not even cared the girl had to be returned to her parents.
***

The fifth is from the skinwalker that went after Dad,  he was hardly 15 and after the girl... after the girl he went kinda trigger happy, wreckles, so much dad even avoided letting be bait. Sam was whining on why they can't live in one place whenit happened, the thing followed dad "Why? because you'll bore every town to kill you if they have to bear with your crap for longer than few days you bitch!" Dean ran out and turning on a alleyway saw a bulking figure against the light and shot, the pained scream made it clear he hit his target, the creature on the floor was sobbing and Dean took his bowie in hand to finish it, a snicker from behind him made it clear he shot the wrong creature.

The skinwalker jumped him fom behind and pushed him down "Aren't you a jewel?" he said and punched him before Dad's footsteps made the monster flee.

Dean moved fast, and got tho the victim of his bullet and found a homeless guy, maybe 25, blonde and is clear blue eyes filled with terror and tears "I just wanted some food, I swear I did nothing wrong" Dean freaked out, started screaming for help, while the guy turned pale and cold on his arms, Dad had him by one arm and up

"Shut up, stupid!" he said hissing "do you want tot have every cop in this damn city on our tails?"

"he's bleeding Dad.. I..." and bent over the guy "i'm sorry, I swear I'm sorry, I'm sorry" but the guy was dead already. Dad dragged him away. Sam was just there, watching him, neither commented on it ever again but Sam looked at him different ever since.
***

The first. The first is special because it's his first memory, he couldn't even speak after that, for months, couldn't even say Dad how sorry he was, he couldn't even tell the truth.

The very first was when he was four, and he felt too hot and too much light in the house so he walked and saw Mom, her mouth open like trying to say something, her lips moved in a voiceless word, it seemed to him it was Dean, she wasked him to help her. he moved closer, but then Dad held him, gave him his brother and ordered to run, Dean obeyed, he had to take Sammy out, he had to, he had to go back, mom wanted his help, Mom needed him. and he had this picture in his head, mom held up high with the stains of red blood on her belly and her hair on fire.

He wanted to go back inside and help her when Dad had him and pulled him away. He should go back to Mom, he should've heped her.

and he's the one to blame, sammy will never met her because of him, and Dad started drinking because of that too, and Mom died because he wasn't good enough, fast enough, he felt guilt.
in his entire life, Dad never told him he forgive him, because Dean never tried to say he was sorry for not saving Mom.
***

And right outside the antiques store, for Sam it was only a line, but Dean even can count the beads of blood staining his face. When Sam asked him why his eyes bleed, he still has no enough strenght to tell his brother all of this,

the end
********************
Where this comes from? comes from the general question of why dean's eyes bleed in Bloody Mary.

isclaimer: Not mine, no profit made.

Title: Dean Winchester's Birthdays

Rating: PG

Prompt: happy Birthday Dean Winchester Fics
Characters: Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, mentions of others; John Winchester, Mary Winchester, Castiel, Benny the Vampire,
Summary: Dean remembers he had birthdays and remembers those who were special.

A/N: I tend to think on the weirdest things while preparing for stress, this came to me because last night I remembered today is dean Wincehster's birthday, and I'm sure he's not having a cake or a party, but he's used to it...

Dean Winchester does remember his brithdays, at least those that count

He remembers when he was a baby, maybe three, and Mom made that HUGE cake, why? mostly because for a long while Dad had the picture to help him remember Mom, Dean all golden curls and giant green eyes, painted brown in chocololate cake and chocolate syrup and frosting with Mom's grin behind him while he licks his tinny hand.

he remembers several more while growing up with Dad, and the hug he used to have on his birthday not even acknowledging the date, just when he woke up and greeted Dad, he used to get to him hug him and say good morning, it used to be "I love you son" when he was younger but by the time it started to count, the words changed.

He remembers few family dinners, some good some bad, he remembers Sam fighting Dad and he remembers when he was left alone with the remains of his dinner. remembers the cakes and the pies Sam made/bought/stole for him, they weren't many but they were enough, after all Sam grew knowing he was taken care of, he never cared for others, So is not Sammy's fault, he thinks.

He remembers the one the Djin gave him, with lots of balloons and movie tickets and roller coasters and a girlfriend, he remembers mom hugging him, he never mention it to Sam but he wishes it weren't just a memory made up by a killer monster.

he remembers how many of those counted in hell, until on the 40th a bright light came out of nowhere and he woke up months later ona coffin.

He remembers today from all days, when he misses everything so much, not long ago he left the only person who was with him on his last birthday, he gave up on him because of Sam, and it's okay he can deal with it, For Sammy he can do whatever it's needed. On the ONE birthday he was away Castiel and Benny found him a tree, for us out here is not a big deal, right? but in purgatory a tree with real fruit that are not poisonus is a bigger present than many he had, bigger than any cake, bigger than Dad's hugs because Dean was starving, okay... maybe not bigger than his 18th birthday present, but because there's nothing better than his baby.

He chomped one after another of whatever the fruit were, they were just faintly sweet, but they were juicy and after four or five he had his stomach full for first time in months, Cas took of and bunddled his coat and gave it to him to use as a pillow, they left him sleep the whole night, He has to smile at that, his best present was a meal and a whole night sleep... and even if there's asmile on Dean Winchester's face for the rest of the world he's one second away from crying.

"Hey" Sam sat next to him on the outside table of the diner they're at for this time and sets a giant tray of food in front of him, there are burgers and a whole pecan pie, Sam has had enough of Dean talking about the freaggin pecan... still he bought him some. "Happy birthday Big brother" he says bumping his shoulder with Dean's lighting a candle that was precariously standing on Dean's pie, Sam's bitting his lips because he knows dean will give him hell forever more for this, for the sappiness. DEasn Just takes the candle up and blows it off.
"Thanks Sammy" and he starts with a burger without any other word. ignoring his brother's eyes on him, this is not the time for talking.

Is not his birthday to be exact, it's a couple days after, because on his brthday he had a crown on his head courtesy of Charlie, ad he had to smile at that.

"Are you having a good post-birthday celebration?" asks Sam when they left the bar that night, Dean happily tipsy and smiling, a busty brunnette have kissed him dumb and gave him her number who's painted on lipstick on his palm.

"let me get back to you on that..." he slures with a crooked smile, it might not be true, he feels alone even with Sammy, he loves his brother but having his life reduced to him after having extended his family wide for the last years, having tasted what a real family feels like it's getting heavier in the hunter's heart. His eyes turn to his brother whos biting his bottom lip while locking the door and checking the salt lines

He's missing Castiel, he's missing Benny, Dad, Jo, Mom, as always, he's missing Lisa and Ben, he wish he could have normal, even if he finally gave up on that idea.

There are worst things than remembering just a handful of good and not so good birthdays, dean thinks. At least he's alive to keep fighting. "Sammy....had an awesome birthday" he says and Sam dimpled smiles lights the room "I'll shower first" he says getting to the table near the window "Just let me write this number down.. just in case" He didn'0t wrote the number, just wanted tohear the snort thast leaves his brother's, just to see him amused.

Yeah... there are worst things than dean Winchester's life

******************

happy Birthday Dean, my fav fictional character, I love you and your vessel

CM drabble
Elle
It was when they went to Mexico's border that she found it weird,how Reid always made her smile, how the kid was so full of information and facts, statistics and yet blushes when the most usual things as a hug for christmas happened, it always made her feel like there was something good, that there was hope, even under all that darkness, all that weight, all that dispair, there was hope, if Reid, being the one with the worst story, the one who have experienced first hand the worst of human beings was alright...
she could tolerate the demons, the fear, the nasty taste on her mouth when entered the hous just because Reid stayed with her t the hospital to read her some crazy story about a flower that became an emerald.

And she will always remember the story, because when her head was full of demons and mosnters there was an angel by her side.

Drabble: Mom's an angel
Universe: Supernatural
Rating: Gen
Gender: Wee!chester
Author: Kali no Beta (yet)
Summary: Dean made a mistake, and Sam got hurt, they needed Help and Cas tried to help them in the best way possible.
A/N I always think about stories I'd like to write in those moments full of stress when I need a Haven from all the bad things at work. I sa wan accident long ago that made me think on this one, and the courage to write it down came days ago.
:::

Dad wants them to learn how to use guns, that's why he left them in the woods, they had everything they needed, but the stupid cammo vest, the stupid brown furry hat he brought for his baby brother, it was a joke it wasn't meant to hurt Sammy, when he shot he was sure it was a deer.

Among the green grey and brown trees, Sam lies on the mud, Dean shot wihtout thinking he saw his hair, and the stupid hat, Dean let the gun go long before he lands in the dark soil next to a wounded Sam, everything wet after a rain in the afternoon, they should have found dinner by that time, that's why they split, if Dean aim were better they already will be cooking a rabit. If he were better Sammy wouldn't be hurt, if he were better, Dad would've never left them alone like that. if he were better...

'Calm down Sammy, I'm sorry... ' he cries along with his baby brother who's bleeding 'I'm sorry, I'm sorry' he repeats while holding the last of the gauze they had in the first aid kit 'I didn't see you, I'm so sorry... I'm sorry' but Sammy is only crying like not hearing a word he's saying. Once more he starts thiking If he were better he'd know how to help Sam, if he were better Sam wouldn't even be hurt for a start.

He needs to find Dad, but Dad's camp is over three hours away in the woods if both boys can run, just in case they really need him. with Sam bleeding they can't travel that far, leaving Sam behind is not an option either because the kid is holding his arm as the scared child he is, and because Dean rather die than leave his baby brother of only 10 alone in the woods while healthy and fighting even less if he's hurt '...I hurt him' he thinks caressing the pale cold little face. trying to help him calm down. "Relax Sammy" he says pressing his other hand over the wound "I'm so sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry" Dean repeats for his brother and for himself, to both comfort his baby brother and to calm himself and to clear his head, he might want to drop to the floor and curl and cry his shame but he can't, there's more pressing matters, Sammy needs him.

"It hurts... why you shot?" cries Sam in a whisper of both pain and fear.

"I thought you were a deer or something" Dean cries trying to clean his face with his hand, instead he staines it with blood.

"yeah right as if you couldn't made out a deer from your own brother" he tries to laugh but Sammy's eyes goes huge turning to Dean's face "Am I bleeding?" And Dean start crying all over again.
***
"I swear Sammy" says Dean while carrying him "you're gonna be fine, we'll get help and you'll be fine in no time, and then... then... " then teh sobs take over and he has to rest for a second.

"Where's dad?" asks whinning and in pain
"we're going to patch you up first baby brother, then I'll get him okay?"
"I want dad he's... mad... he was..." and Sam fell asleep, got incoscious or maybe dead and Dean started slapping him first lightly and then harder and screamign at him, and the tears came back Dean couldn't control them, fell face first over Sammy's body screaming I'm sorry and trying to hear him breath or something...

Out of nowhere he finally felt his baby brother breathing and cried a little more sitting on his heels and looking up, the sun was going down and he had an hour of light tops, Dean knows he can't have his wounded and bleeding brother out in the woods at night, he sighs and looks around again and finds what seems to be a coke can, and yes, it is a coke can, and its near to what seems to be a little path.

"Deeeaann... it hurts" whines Sammy trying to reach his shoulder that had the bandages soaked already.
"I know, I know buddy, I know I'm gonna make it better I promise" he says taking off his shirt to wrap it around Sam's shoulder too.
"you'll get cold..." mumbles Sammy before hissing his discomfort when Dean pulls on his arm once more
"I deserve it Sammy, don't worry about me" Dean never watch his brother's eyes
"it was an accident... is not your fault" says Sammy and then with those unfairly huge brown puppy eyes asks "am I going to die?" Dean tears start falling again.

"Nope, not in my watch kid..." he tries to sound like Dad but its impossible with the tears and choked sobs, he inhales deeply to calm himself looking straight up and notice the smell of pinewood on fire there must be a cabin and med supplies.

"Wait here Sammy I'm going to get another First aid kit" Sam called his name twice before playing possum as he was told, Dean finds a nice cabin strong and solid and smoke is coming out of the roof, hunters, from the regular kind, for sure, surely he could get something, and it takes Dean Winchester three and a half minutes to get in and take part of what he calls the heaven of all first aid kits.

Once outside he runs towards the wood and to Sammy, to find him once more unconscious and a path of blood on the floor, marking where they were coming, he didn't noticed before.
"What happened?" a tall blonde Lady suddenly was at his side and Dean startled has no idea what to do.

"We were hunting, we went too far from my dad and I thought he was a deer, I'm sorry..." and Dean cries like he hasn't cried since mom died.

"Is okay Honey, Is okay, I'm gonna help you two, alright?" and the lady just lift Sammy as if it were a feather and asks Dean to follow her to the cabin.

It takes Dean minutes to register what the woman is saying, the cabin is one room place, neatly arranged to be useful, at one side a kitchen at the other a nicely cozy looking bed, few chairs a two tables, and then he turns to the lady, first he sees how the lady undress Sammy from the cold wet and dirt and blood stained clothes, then assess the damage and smiles and is already using a needle on Sammy's shoulder when asks him for something.

"HEY!" says louder and Dean blinks "what is your name honey?"
"I... I'm Ted... Nuggent". Mary’s eyes are boring into him like he never felt before, like she could know he was liying.

"Uh-huh… and I'm Janice Joplin, what's your name..." And Dean panics before hearing Sammy.

"He's Dean... and I'm Sam... Winchester" the Lady looks from one kid to the other and smiles.

"I'm Mary... is this really an accident? Did someone else have done this to you?" and both boys answer at once "No Ma'am".

"I shot him..." Dean feels his tears once more and gets close to Sam; his baby brother wanted him close "It was an accident..." Sam used that exact moment to moan in pain and Mary turned to him not asking more about the hunting, or the accident
"Sorry baby I'm sorry" Dean snorted while getting even closer

"I've been saying that for hours" Dean says cleaning the last of his tears and caressing his brother's head "you see? I was right you'll be fine".

"I know..." Sam was already running a fever; Dean feels it under his fingers
'And you know you have to wait until I get dad' says Dean without opening his mouth and Sam bits his lips sad and worried.

"What's goin' on there, boys?" asks Mary and smiles, when Dean jolts a step away from his baby brother, she started cleaning the wound and Sam feels nothing at all "you lucky pups... I'm sorta a paramedic back at home, did you know that?" she says smiling "so I'm gonna do my best... to patch you up Sammy."

"Thank you..." Sam says he is really thankful because he feels nothing at all, not even the IV she starts.

"He has lost lots of blood Dean, is there a way for you to find your dad?" Dean shakes his head no, and only then Mary notices he's only wearing a light tee and that he's as wet and dirty as Sammy -who is now peacefully asleep- was. "I think I have something you can wear, if you don't mind... is girl’s clothes..." reaches him and holding his arms to pull him closer "wow, you're almost my height..." Dean is speechless, there's something in the way the lady smells that sends shivers down his spine, not in the way girls at school does, there's something else, the same smell, flowers and cookies or something, like fresh pie and waking up early in the morning.
Once more Dean notice she's moving her lips
"Seriously you should go... I can take care of him..." Leaving Sam alone with her?
"What?"
"Go take a shower, you're wet, cold and dirty, take a shower, and then we will find your dad okay?" and Dean finally nods, Sam is safe and he really needs to warm up in order to be able to look for his dad.
By the time dean leaves the shower the house smells like fries and burgers and the table is set
"I have something for Sam, but he's asleep, so come eat darling" and she sits at one side of the table and once Dean sits too she bends her head and start praying dean doesn't know what to do, and spend that small time looking at her, she's pretty, and he finally knows where the smell comes from, its the way mom used to smell all the time. "Are you done looking at me?" Mary says without even turning at him.
"sorry" Mumbles Dean and start eating, only halfway his burger he notice that she's drinking from a dark glass and what seems to be either wine or blood, and looks at his food scared, turns to Sam and swallow hard.
"So... is your dad close? Does he knows you're around here?" she asks
"Yes” Dean lies, "I just... once Sammy wakes up we're going out to find him" he says trying not to show he's shivering.
"Don't be afraid honey..." she looks at him and smiles, a bracelet calls Dean attention it has at least five amulets on it, all from a different religion or culture, he knows this ones, he's seen them in lady hunters, even Missouri -that woman Dean is sure is a hag- has one.
"I'm not..." but he is, actually, petrified.
"I'm not a monster, just.. someone that was sent to help, for one time only" Sam stirs and she's already there with him in the time Dean blinks "s'okay honey you're safe" she says and kisses Sam’s face "I'm looking after you" Dean is about to cry again, he has to take Sam out of here.
"Look I’m very grateful… but we have to go..." he says, because Dean Winchester doesn't feel and he's not gonna start feeling like some girl for a woman that helps him and his brother.
"Listen to me Dean; go get John I'll be here until you come back okay? I'll watch over Sammy for you for the three hours" and Dean's blood freezes "you can do it Son, you're after all a Winchester, you're brave" she's next to him kissing his forehead like she did with Sam. "I promise he's safe..." And Dean buys it, he gets near to his brother and whisper something on his ear and fixes his pillow before taking the waterproof jacket Mary offers and runs out.

It takes him one and a half hours to find Dad, he is cleaning his gun and smoking and for the little pile of butts next to his boots he's been doing it for a while, he stands up before Dean even gets to the clear his camp is on
"Where’s Sam" Dad says before anything else.

"He’s hurt, hurry..." and Dean is running in front of him, until that day John Winchester never thought his son could beat him, not ever even less running but Dean has to wait for him more than once calling him to hurry up, Dean never explained what was wrong with his brother and it scares John shitless.

Dean leads the way until he sees the trail of blood they left and his chest feels like its going to explode, runs straight to the cabin and opens the door without calling and that's all he remembers, he's awake again feeling something cold over his face and it startles him and tries to sit up
"Calm down Son" whispers Dad in the back sit of the car "I'm here, you're safe now..."
"Sam..." mumbles.

"He's fine; he's asleep in your sit" he says caressing his eldest faces with the wet clothe "Damn I should've never left you two alone..."

"I'm sorry... I swear I... Sammy" and Dean started crying.
"No, No I'm sorry, Sam explained me what happened, I'm sorry, it was a stupid idea... " and smiling "you're great running, and the fact that you carried your brother to that empty cabin, that you patched him up, that you protected him with salt lines and hexes... I'm so proud..."

"We got help" mumbled weakly Sam from the front seat

"Help?" Dad sounded scared, "you showed that to others?" Dean shakes his head

"There was a lady... she had this weird bracelet, the kind Missouri wears..." Dean says.

"It was mom... she told me that she's fine, and told me that angels are looking after all of his boys" John mouth fell open and tears filled his eyes "she left seconds before you found me".

"You saw her?" asks John to his youngest and the kid nods. "You were weak, that must have been a dream" he says breathing to calm himself.

"I couldn't let Sammy in the woods and she had supplies..." Dean explained "I left the holy water and a silver knife for Sam" and looking into his brother eyes "What happened?"

"you're sick, you've been unconscious and fighting a fever for the last two days son..." explained John "there’ll be time for this” caresses his messy hair and goes out “we're going to Bobby’s, he'll help us... you two need some rest" and caressed Dean's head once more "get some sleep, I’m going to buy food and we will get on our way okay?" and Dean believes him and sleeps.

In his dream he's 4 again and mom is feeding him cake and ice cream on his birthday and he can see the bracelet on her arm dangling with the bunch of amulets while she sings to him and then kisses him in the forehead and tells him how proud she is of her son, how brave Dean is and how important he'll be in the future.

***
"You sent a soul to do angels work?" asks Zachariah to Castiel in Heaven "that's not not right, that’s not the procedure, that's a clear violation of..."

"Is what was needed, and you know we have to keep the vessels safe"

"Is not your place to decide that!!" screams Castiel's superior "why you sent her, HER from all..." Castiel knows, because angels can see future and past and he knows of Dean's pain and his need for his mother and needed to help him, even if a vague memory of her will help him beat the lungs infection he caught days before that trip burning vamps corpses and caused him blurred vision that provoked the hunting accident.

if he would've let them alone that day Sam would have bleed to death and Dean not long after that for the infection and guilt, John would've killed himself that night, right after burning his sons bodies, the angel couldn't let it happen.

"This is going to be erased from the Winchesters memories, and you're forbidden to contact them again, unless you're ordered differently, now go back... Anna needs you to fight those demons..." and Zachariah disappears, and Castiel is once more in a war, Bosnia this time.
But He thinks it was worthy.
The end

***
After all we know that angels changed the boys life right? why then couldn't they have done this? even if it weren't Mary herself? maybe something like a shadow created by castiel?.

Drabble: Coming Home, Again
Universe: Criminal Minds
Rating: Gen
Gender: friendship
Author: Kali no Beta
Summary: They know where's Doyle, but there's something they don't know, until garcia finds out and JJ and Hotch has to come clean with it
A/N this was written after knowing Paget Brewster is comoing back!!

***
Penelope Garcia hardly ever gets distracted or out of his game "EVER!!" Not even with the images and the messages or the shooting, never "but this THIS!!!" She tought fisting a piece of printed paper, and running out of her office to face the woman she once considered her friend.

"Jennifer, is this true?" and tossed the wrinkled paper on the table "Is that why you came back?" JJ surprised to be adressed by her first name looked from her to the top of the stairs behind them that lead to Hotch's office.

"lets take this somewhere else... right now I know you're upset and..." but Garcia bathed the hand from her arm and started screaming

"Of Course I'm Upset!!" Garcia had tears ruining down her face "I tought... you made us believe!!!" Morgan got close frowning

"what's wrong baby girl?" Garcia felt a hand on her back, turned and was about to say something when a voice from the top of the stairs called

"Garcia, JJ my office. Now" Hotch entered his office once more and breathed deep, he knew what was coming, knew this would happen, he understood why Garcia was acting so weird when she was supposed to be in her best shape.

Down stairs, JJ literally dragged Garcia away from Morgan, worried she'd tell him, tell the rest of the team.

"what happened?" yelled Garcia "Why you did this to us!! we're a family you don't lie to your family!!" on the table the first page of a report of a secret agent location, and the picture on the file was Prentiss'

"we had to do this, she was in danger" said JJ

"how dare you to say that, you left!!! You left and you came back with lies and this!!!" and took the paper from the table and throwed it up to JJ.

"Garcia that's enough" Hotch spat so loud that down stairs Reid and Morgan turned their heads

"what happened?" asked Reid getting closer to Morgan's desk

"no idea, Penelope was crying... you think they fired her?" the hottie was worried, what if they knew...?

"think I never heard Hotch that angry..." said Reid and sighed, there was not much "maybe Garcia got reprimanded for.. you know she's been very distracted" Morgan hummed as all answer.

Inside the office Hotch got close to Garcia with his hankierchief "I know it hurts, but was for the greater good, I needed her safe, we needed her safe, there was so much on stake..."

"but we burried her, Reid feels so guilty he's not sleeping much, and Morgan has been more violent since... than ever and... Rossi is drinking alot, even Seaver, poor kid is about to quit" said using the hankie to clean her face "you said we're a family, you can't do this to your family"

"I know, but I had to, is for the best, at least for now, when the time is right we will tell the rest..." turned to JJ she shook no with her head "how you found out about this?"

"the case... they have a location for that bastard Doyle and since we were already involved... I thought it would be a good idea to have a report, in case we want to close chapter on this... but..." and sat sobbing "I AM happy... but.. why you had to lie..."

"they found him?" Hotch took the paper from the desk but there was no more info "where's the rest of the report?"

"in my desk... I had no idea what to do" and hiccuped "few days ago I read her fake name and thought I was going mad, how could they use the same name for two agents...?"

"it's time" Said Hotch "JJ please go get the file, and make the call, we'll brief them all this afternoon, ask... ask her to be here around 4:30"

***
4:15
"we found where Doyle is and since we're already involved..." said Hotch after a while explaining the case

"of course we're involved!" Morgan was up "I'm gonna make that man pay for..." Reid started bitting his nails and looking away to hide the tears in his eyes

"now I need you to calm down" said JJ "there's something else you have to know, once the report is complete"

"there's been a secret operative to find him, and its been leaded by soemoen close to us" said Hotch "thia agent followed him for over five countries in the last few months and even tried to catch him but CIA and secret service couldn't do it without causing an international problem, now he's in American Soil and its our turn to get him" for the next few minutes JJ and Hotch explained what they were suposed to do and when, and the Unit Chief said they'll be working with the agent of intelligence that was on the case since the begining

"that's imposible..." Rossi said seeing what that meant, Reid gasped following his train of thoughts and moved in his chair hands in the arms of it, ready to jump

"it is posible, since by an order from the higher bosses we had to..." started Hotch

"you gotta be kidding me!!" Morgan shouted "you were there! you saw us suffer! you saw them crying and in grief!!" got up flying arms and yelling, a knock on the door called their atention, JJ moved fast to open it.

Out there trembling and biting her bottomlip was Emily Prentis, hair awburn and styled differently, tanned and with small scars on her face hardly hidden by the make-up

"Glad to have you back" said JJ smiling and hugged her, Emily chuckled and held her close for a second

"Are they mad?" JJ pulled her in where Garcia was already waiting

"How could we" said bauling and hugged her making Emily groan "I missed you so much my dearest" Morgan was close too, frowning obviously pissed, too many trust issues to just feel right for his friend being back.

"I can't believe you did this to us..." said to Hotch "and I can't believe you did this to us, after all the lies you left... you showed us how much you care for your team... for us, as if we were..." Garcia's hand landed on his back made him close his mouth, the next second he moved to hug Prentiss too,tight and for too long while sighing. Hotch was smiling when finally was his time to held her close.

"glad to have you back" was the only he managed to say, Morgan was one step behind comforting a sobbing Garcia

"you better have a good explanation to all the liying you did last time we saw you" said Morgan Garcia nodding and JJ laughed.

"I swear I do, I thought I was protecting you guys" said holding Rossi, turned to Reid, he had one arm wrapped around his middle and his right thumb on his mouth, biting on the nail he looked a lost kid, eyes huge in surprise and pain, to many abandonement issues to just be happy, thou he was happy "I'm sorry Spencer, I'm so sorry, I had to..." prentiss tried to reach him but Spencer moved away. He made a sound, it could've been a snort, hid his eyes welled up, adam's apple bobbimg up and down with silenced sobs

"glad to see you're...alive? here? safe? working on this case" he said and turning to Hotch "what about the rest of Doyle's men? is he alone?" moved away from Prentiss the second she had her arms open for him.

"Spence.." Begged JJ but Hotch cleared his throat and asked everybody to sit and he kept explaining the file but was useless, every two second he was interrupted by something, from someone asking Prentiss if she wanted coffee or something else, asking about her trips, Garcia moving to hug her just because, Morgan teasing her with vengeance for the secrets and the lack of trust, Rossi givng Reid a tissue under the table or his own heart breaking with Reid silent tears.

"Rossi, Morgan, the Weaponry will give you big guns, they're waiting for you" Hollered JJ over the chatting and fuzzing over Prentiss at the end of the meeting "Emily, you and Hotch have to finish this report, I need it by 5:00 if you please could stay" and it was like the teacher that keeps talking after the bell rings, seemed like nobody cared.

"Reid please help me out with this" called Hotch seeing the youngest running out and when he turned asked if he felt okay, the Dr. nodded and held the map and blue prints of Doyle's secret location.

"Sure" said with a high voice after cleaning his hands in his pants with the last of his tears

"thank you. I'll be right back..." Hotch saw Prentiss and with a short nod left

"I'm sorry, Spencer, I wanted you to know, you from all... I didn't want you to think it was your fault.. or that..."

"that you left me?" asked finally crying "I'm fine..." and tried to move away "I'm not a kid you don't have to..." stopped "I- I'm.. fine ehh, just fine" moved but Prentiss followed, she was teh one he always turns when something like this bothers him, when Gideon left, when JJ left, When his ghosts got too close.

"you're not, come on, Dr Spencer Reid with an IQ of 187 doesn't cry for nothing" and her hand touched his arm "please, believe me I'm sorry..." and Spencer hugged her

"I thought I've failed you..." and sobbed once more, once the surprise passed she wrapped her arms around him too.

"and I thought you would be feeling bad because of me, and that I should tell you the truth, but I couldn't you know I couldn't, not even Garcia found out until few days ago" And Reid nodded "I'm sorry"

"Its okay, God! I'm glad you're back" said Spencer crying but attempted to laugh "Now the family is compelte again, not having you around.. was worst than not having JJ..." cleaned his eyes and smiled "lots worse since there was no chance for me to see you on weekends or anything" and bitting his bottom lip held her once more "I missed you so much"

"HEY!! hey..." Emily was crying too "not fair I'm the one wearing mascara" and Reid snorted a little "are we okay now?"

"no, you still have lots of things to explain..." and she smiled

"I will" and cleaned his face with her hand "and hopefully I'll have lots of time to do so, I'm coming back to stay if we catch Doyle" Spencer gasped "well if there's room for me now... and if FBI wanrts me back and..." Reid started giving her Data of how many people worked with other agencies and came back to FBI jobs and promised they'll catch Doyle just to have her back, he got up and started working on the map, Emily moved to the table, both in friendly silence "by the way, thank you for finding me, I knew you'd do it" Reid smiled this time and the smile was finally reaching his eyes too. Another knock on the door, it was Erin Strauss

"You're here..." said half surprised "you were supposed to report with me first agent Prentiss" Emily got close to her.

"yes ma'am but the briefing for the unit started and I wanted to be here to explain things.. about the case... " and turned to the table where Spencer was picking up files and pictures, Aaron Hotchner came back.

"Ma'am, you'll get the report in 45 minutes, and Agent Prentiss will be in your office soon, but I need to..." she raised her hand.

"I know, Hotchner, I'll be waiting" and the lady left.

"everything just like when I left" she said and Reid laughed "is the team... are they?"

"Not sure... " Said Hotch only half serious "heard Morgan is getting tarr and Garcia is bringing feathers... that if you're not staying for good".

"OH I am, I swear I want to... " Emily Prentiss was home again, and this time to stay. Thanks God.

********************
Drabble in my head for few days too, Spurred out byt the great news of Paget coming back to stay
As a show of respect for Mathew Gray Gubler who asked the fans to be nice with Nichols, I decided to wipe the part she had in this story and there is no death scene.

farewell Rachel Nichols.

Titte: For what is worth
Author: Kali
Beta: Darling purple_carpets
Universe: Supernatural, at the end of the series
Summary: Dean is the one we all worry about, he is the one without much to love for but his brother, right? are you sure?

==

What's gonna happen? he thinks, after all, hunting wasn't his choice, he was thrown into it, but of course so was his brother, and is selfish to think about himself first,right?

Its like when he was a kid. He remembers Dad's tired eyes on him, always found lacking, always; "step up your game kid", "you're better than that", that was of course better than the sighs, those who screamed "why can't you be more like your brother?"

Right now, he's sitting outside of Bobby's Kitchen while His brother and Bobby are talking inside, boasting about the things they'd do once this whole mess is done, when finally Heaven and Hell will even things out and start taking care of everything they left loose, for once, the hunters won't be needed, and what about him?

He had a family once and they left him, they fucking left him, he even gave himself to go to hell, he went to HELL!! okay, he's not the only one but is not like it was a sleepover, and now? he had nothing. He once had dreams, but Dad taught him not to dream about things he can't have, he's a Winchester, that means sacrifice.

Bobby will have his joint, he's even sure Bobby'll have a lady again. His brother has a family too, lets face it, Lisa will take him back the moment he stands on her doorstep and Ben loves him, but What about Him? what about Sam in all this? he left college, he left his friends, some of them think he's dead, Stanford is not waiting for him, its almost ten years, okay seven, but that's close to ten, sure... Stanford is not waiting for him.

What's left for Sam? Once the whole mess is solved? He was the one headed to have a nice life and now he's lost... a man without a purpose or a goal, he was made to be a vessel, and now he's just a discarded one. Why do people feel sorry for his brother? After all Dean'll have everything in the end, and Why can't Sam feel happy for his brother? the envy and the guilt are eating him.

'what's wrong with me... what's gonna happen?' he thinks once more before he's startled by Dean, those eyes that kinda crawl inside his skin, into his mind, that always know everything! He can't hide anything before he's right there, a hand on his shoulder

"you okay Sammy?" says with an honest smile, brow raised in concern and Sam can't help but smile, yeah he's not a selfish bastard after all, knowing that Dean will have a life when all this is over is just fine. "hey..." Dean insisted shaking his shoulder a little.

It takes like four days of nagging day and night to finally break Sam to tell his thoughts, and open up to Dean while he bullied him once more, in the garage working on Dean's baby "I've lost everything Dean" he mumbled "I don't have anything aside of hunting and now... I'm obsolete"

"we all are Sammy, but don't worry we'll find something else" Sam wanted to scream. How could Dean be such a moron, just accepting that.

"Bobby will have this place, its his home, and the whole town likes him now, you'll have Lisa and Ben..." Dean shakes his head no and made a sound nahh, that bridge is burnt tries to smile but Sam knows better "you know she'll have you back" Dean licks his lips half serious half his doppey cocky grin

"What can I say" shruggs, but then serious again "it doesn't matter, you'll be fine, you'll find yourself a decent girl, a nice house..." But Sam only feels worse, Dean sighed, saying it wasn't a big deal, that Sam will be fine and leaves him standing there.

Sam can't help but remember when he was eleven and Dad let him chose his hair cut for the first time, because having military short hair was good for Dean, the bastard could have been bald and it'll be a trend at school after he kissed few girls, but not for lanky-way-too-short-for-his-own-good-and-Dean's-discarded-clothes-Sam, kids even called him Fievel, all big ears and pointy nose, fucking American tale cartoon. Dad was on his neck for the next four months while his GIRLY hair was getting longer and longer without any control, praising Dean's perfect clean BOY Haircut, before finally forcing him to sit down while Dean -of all people- cut his hair off.

Dean gave him cookies after, while Sam was crying, is not a big deal, you'll be fine, I didn't cut that much, okay? hugging him, for a second before going out with Dad, that was his brother's way to make him feel better, he ended up liking his new haircut and kinda kept it like that ever since, even now.

"Hey!" shouts Dean right next to him again with two long-necks, and a bitch face "you still in Emo mode?" Sam tries not to laugh, but it was funny, he was actually feeling ashamed of his emo kid act "for what is worth? you'll have me..." Says Dean without looking at him anymore and swinging his beer up, Sam was about to open his mouth and say that Lisa stated that Sam wasn't included in the package when she took Dean in the first time "I might like playing Wisteria freaks, but you're my brother... you come first, you'll always come first, you know that, right?"

So Dean, no eye contact while saying this, he just licked his lips, cleared his throat and changed subjects "think we're going to Atlantic City first, once this is over...I mean, that'll be the first stop of many" And Sam laughed again.

"Yeah we can go to Atlantic city if you want" He says eyes fixed on his own Beer
"what?!" Dean faced him finally "no bitching about that? Wow this is seriously the end of the world" both snorted this time, Dean hit his shoulder and started walking away "Bobby is making Dinner, pasta..." tossing the rag he was cleaing his hands on at the car.

"Dean...?" Sam waited until he was facing him "for what it's worth? I appreciate..."

"DUDE!!" Dean shouts raising his hands with a disgusted frown "is that time of the month again?" and left mumbling about chick-flicks as usual, Sam never sees the proud smile on his face, and Dean never hears the Thank you and the I love you too that Sam mumbles, he might have lost his life, his girlfriend, his once upon a time future, but he'll be fine. for once in the last four years there is no "What's gonna happen now?" in his mind.

========================
Where this comes from? comes from the moment whe I finally was able to sleep a little bit last night, it is poorly written I know, but suddenly when I was about to close my eyes I realized that as much as we worry about Dean having nothing of his own but his car, and that we all want him happy at the end, but Sam is the one who has nothing to go back to, he sure has no way back into his old life after seven years and he has nobody aside of Dean and Bobby and from all of them is the one that wouldn't be "just fine" with a simple job.

So poor Sam in the end...

Drabble about Supernatural
Rating: Gen Wee
Summary: Dean's memories from the times his baby brother made him promise somethng.
A/N; just a messy drabble that started with a baby drown few days ago in ER.

"I should've heard dad" mumbled Dean almost crying while his baby brother hung his head on a side. not breathing... was all Dean could heard in his head and then his own sobs.

They got into a Motel with a pool, and was perfect since was mid july and they were feeling roasted after a day driving on a black car.

Sam begged dad to let them swim, John said no, Said it was dangerous without an adult there to watch them and that he had to go away.

"But you taught us dad..." insisted his younger son.

"I said NO!!" finally growled turning to Dean "next time ask yourself don't send him..." and slammed teh bathroom door.

"I just want to swim for a while... its too hot" moaned Sammy and hid his welled up eyes, dean got close, Sammy hardly get to his chest, Dean was 11 already and he thought he could make the calls for what they would do while dad wasn't around. Dean pulled Sammy closser while he controlled himself, caressing his head and neck

"we will Swim Sammy" Whispered "I promise, you'll swim" and caressed his head

"and you always keep your promises, right?" and Dean smiled to his baby brother

"just wait until he leaves..." the bathroom door pried open

"I'll be gone for a couple days boys, don't do anything stupid, I'll call you two every night.. okay?" got his guns, something on the way the kids were quiet made him suspect, or maybe was Dean killer look "you have enough money, its just a haunted house... I'll be back in a night or two, I promise, and then you'll swim all day, okay Sammy?" but Sam was still with his head down and hiding on Dean's side. "Sam?" and the Kid turned to Dean's stomach refusing to look at him.

"I'll take care of him" Said Dean angry at his father for making Sammy cry. John sighed

"Okay boys I'm off..." got up got closser and hugged Dean kissing his head while caressing Sammy's hair aswell "be good okay? don't do anything stupid..." and looking at Dean with a serious face "I mean it" said pointing to the swimming pool outisde across the window, Dean frowned and nodded.

But right after John left the kids got changed into shorts and Sammy got out running like any other kid in summer, Dean got sunscreen, the one pastor Jim gave him, and a towell and followed his baby brother, applied the lotion on sam's back and arms and they got into the pool and played for a while.

A girl came out form the office, the runner's daughter apparently, she was Dean's age, long awburn hair, brown huge eyes and freckles, just like him, and dean had to impress her, he'll kick himself for it after but right now, he got out and plunged again, Sam just followed him as usual, the first few times went quite well, even if Dean asked Sam to go to the deepest part, afraid that he would get into the shallow side and hurt himself, the girl disapeared and Dean sighed... her loss, thought before turning to look for his brother, Sammy was right then making a cannon ball and Dean laughed when he splashed water everywhere, and joined him.

"I'm very glad dad left us here" said Sammy when Dean held him by his arms and made him jump landing on the other end of the water while laughing wildly.

It harldy have been an hour since dad left and having Sammy gigglying like that made Dean the happiest older brother ever. he climbed out of the water to jump again and stayed there hearing a plane and the ice cream truck coming, Sure Sammy would want an ice cream cone.

A door sounded behind him and he turned, the girl was back in her swimsuit with small blue flowers on it and smiled to Dean, making him blush... why all girls have to smile at him like that?

behind his back he heard Sammy calling his name and then a big splash and saw how the girl's eyes moved from him to the water and went big in horror, in a split second Dean turned and saw Sam under the water and a small red stain on the edge, he was in motion before thinking while behind his back the girl screamt for her mom

"Sammy!!!" called Dean already crying when he hit the water, it took a moment to get him out, but felt like a century, and the weight he tried to lift to the edge felt like a ton of bricks when was only Sam's 69 pounds, suddenly two large hands gripped the small body and pulled him out, and then Dean too by one arm, Dean pushed the shadow back "he's not breathing thought" or said out loud... who cares, and bent over him to feel Sam's breathing against his cheek, yeah he was breathing, and after another second Sammy started coughing and Dean started crying, pulled Sammy in a hug and sobbed with his eyes closed.

A hand landed on his shoulder, strong and rough trying to take Sam away

"let me see" Dean eyes opened and he let his brother go, it was dad. "move Dean, I need to see if he's okay" concern on his voice, not anger, thou he has all the right to be angry, Dean was not paying atenttion to Sam, Dean failed doing the only thing he was supposed to do, take care of Sam, take care of your brother, boy was the last thing dad always told him. and he cried even more. Dad was holding Sammy down checking on him.

"'mfine" mumbled Sammy still coughing trying to sit up while dad checked on a small cut on his forehead, right in the hairline "I'm sorry dad... I saw you and I fell, thought you'll be mad at him" said in a whispher looking for Dean and still coughing "Dean?" asked ad his brother had him in one second

"you'll be okay baby bro... I promise..." said cleaning his face, dad touched his back caressing circles there to calm him too, Sam kept coughing but smiled

"and you always keep your promises, right?" and they laughed, so many secrets hidden on those words.

"should I worry about that?" asked dad Smiling to Sam "I'm sorry kid, I didn't meant to scare you..." and pulled Sammy on his arms and got up turning to his eldest "you reacted pretty fast, it took me longer to get near to the pool than you taking him out" and Dean sighed

"If I were fast he'd never fell..." said still focussed on his brother, John Pulled him closer too while the girl's mother asked if everything was okay, if the kids were okay, dad told her that they were fine.

"lets go inside and clean you up, okay?" said looking into Sam's face and the kid shyly hid his face on his daddy's neck.

half an hour latter, Sam was dry and his wound clean and covered, Dean was sitting on the bed watching him asleep, still feeling scared and upset

"Dean come here..." asked dad and Dean feared this moment, he'd not fight this one, he deserved the punishment dad decides for him

"yessir" said getting closser

"I told you two not to go swimming without me here..." and Dean bit his lip "what you think I should do about that?" Dean didn't dared to say anything "so..." said still ice cold, that was far more scary than angry screaming.

"I don't know..." said finally, but dad just sighed

"come here" snd his son got close but not close enough to be reached by his father "closer" and slowly Dean took the final three steps, and Dad moved his hands fast over his head and Dean gasped scared, he felt something falling on his chest "I found that at the edge of the pool" Dean held it, it was his amulet, the one Sammy gave himm and couldn't control the tears again "Is okay... Dean, is Okay, you saved your brother, and it was an accident! Okay?" and kissed his head "now take anap, I'll be here for a while." Dean didn't move

"what's gonna be my punishment?... for... for letting Sammy ...for getting..." dad moved and rose up getting close

"Hey!! I said it was an accident, just don't think you knows best okay?" and smiled "have you seen my leather jacket? I came back looking for it" said pushing his son to the bed the boys share "I'll leave after dinner... if you prmise you'll take care of Sam..." and Dean turned to dad

"I promise.." said and hiccuped starting crying again "And I always keep my promises"

"I know..." dad held him close for a second to calm him "I know".

***
That was the first thing he thought about when he got on that door, Sammy fell, and he couldn't do anything for him, this time he wasn't fast enough, or strong enough, there was no dad rescuing them, this time he had to brake his promise to protect Sammy.

But he had another promise to keep and he rang that bell, that promise he did to his baby brother, was the only thing that stopped him to blw his own head in the car, to ran into a wall somewhere, he had to keep his promise to Sam. and was about to chicken out when the door opened and Lisa hugged him, exactly two minutes after that he was crying his eyes dry with her on a couch.

another messy drabble that will need categorizing latter

It was late night, very late, he was married now, I was there, I knew it, and still couldn't breath, the person sleeping in my bed was completelly unaware of me up, of my tears, of me don't wanting the presence there or the last few hours to be real, not aware of my pain.

There should be a law, that clearly force people you slept with by mistake to disapear when you wake up...

The time passed, and the next time I sat there was when the first baby arrived, long since we stoped seeing each other in regular basis.

By then I had someone too, a different someone from the first time I sat there crying over something I couldn't stop at the time, I tried, first the darka hair and puffy lips, then the tall one, then someone else, now, now I had a shadow behind, supporting my back
"its because of him right? because he's not here..." I shook no, asked him to go back to sleep

"I can't, I couldn't sleep if you're not okay..." and pulled me back "come here" held me and didn't tried to understand, he just let me cry, allowed me the time to get myself together before kissing my forehead whispering that he was sorry, and that he'd be there for me.

And I understood, you might not be with the one person you thought belongs to you, you have to be with the ONE person that you HAVE to be with, and I'm here where I belong, because in this arms I forgot the selfishness of someone else, to hell with hazel eyes, wavy hair, to hell with his height and his smile.

I understood there being held against a heartbeat that if you love someone you can't be unaware of the things that happens to that person, he, the one I miss, he used to sleep soundless when I was worried, he never knew if I was sick, he never caught my lies, why I lied to him for a start?

if you love someone you cannot sleep without that person in your bed, you know if the person is upset, you know if your partner loves you. and surely you'd know if that perosn is crying, now, held against this chest, I understood everything, if you'd love someone you'd know...

Title: The first Chrsitmas Dean remembers
Author: Szarabasjka
Characters: Dean, Sam, John, Bobby
Pairing: None,
Ratings: PG
Warnings: none
Genre: drama, family
Disclaimer: I do not own them , wish I could but neeh
Summary: Dean remembers one christmas but is not a good memory per se
A/N: wanted to write soemthing sad for this time of the year(I tend to think in shallow stuff while preparing myself, that way I'm less stressed and work better)
So here it is:( the_first_christmas )
*************
Hope you like this, merry Christmass guys