Tittle: Six tears
Universe: Supernatural
Author: Kali
beta not yet
gender: Family angst
Characters: John Winchester, Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester and mention of others
rathed; G
Spoilers:S1 barely there
Summary: based on the idea of "someone knows why Dean eys were bleeding when bloody mary?
A/N: we feel guilty for a lot of things, but some people guilts are far worse.

***
This is the first, but is the second. He was ten the first time, he remembers it because the guy was dad's close friend, at least for a while, he remembers when the rougaroo held him and bit him hard, Dean heard the crack, the noise and he gasped and his eyes got closed and he feels guilty, because he should've kept his eyes open and he should've been the one saving him, he was the back up, that's what Dad said.

When Pastor Jim and Dad were burning the remains he was sitting next to a sleeping Sam inside the car, but he heard
"That's what happens when you hunt without a back up" Pastor Jim said and Dad growled
"He had back up, he had Dean"
"He had nothing! Dean is a kid, he's not real back up, you need a real hunter for this Winchester... "

Dean always felt this was his first kill, because, seriously... the guy died because of him.
***

The third and the second are from a couple he couldn't save, it was Loussiana and he got into the house when the angry spirit of a battered wife had them hanging from hooks on the ceiling, he tried to warn them but when the lady said he was just a kid trying to sneak intotheir wealth he got furious and left, he was 22 by then and Sam just jad left for Stanford, not even dad could stop him.

He feels guilty because the last he said was "you know what? I hope you get killed, and painfully for being such douche bags" he hardly got into his car by the time the first cristal broke and the man's scream pierced the morning quiet air.
***


The fourth is from a time when the creatures, Dad never really told him what they were, for all he knows it was some kind of very nasty witches, had a girl tied to a sacrifice stone and a dagger right over her heart.

"I give you. Oh great goddess this virgin" The spell was supposed to make them forever young and pretty, and Damn the hag holding the dagger could use the help... and he shot, one of the things he learn that night is that nobody actually flies back as it's seen in movies. instead the thing shrieked and got the girl out of the stone in one fluid motion while one of the others attacked him, Dean was 14 at the time and Dad was just four miles away and coming, he was held down "He'd be next... he's not a virgin but his blood is special" said one of them holding him and licking his face "All that delicious pure blood..." said sniffing his skin

"Let her go!!" he yelled, his voice still high, as any 14 years old voice, just starting to change.

"you care for her?" said the Witch, and held the girl clawing at her neck, the first dropplets of blood running down to her white cotton top as she cried. She begged, and begged and screamt in pain and fear while Dean saw the three things ripping her apart.

Dad got there and saved them both but while he was fighting the last one, and killed her, Dean had to pick up the dead body of a girl, hardly of Sammy's age, hardly heavy enough to make it hard to carry the lifeless body out of the shut.

He always feels guilty, because Hunters are supposed to save innocents, not to have them killed in front of you, Dad never said anything about it, not even cared the girl had to be returned to her parents.
***

The fifth is from the skinwalker that went after Dad,  he was hardly 15 and after the girl... after the girl he went kinda trigger happy, wreckles, so much dad even avoided letting be bait. Sam was whining on why they can't live in one place whenit happened, the thing followed dad "Why? because you'll bore every town to kill you if they have to bear with your crap for longer than few days you bitch!" Dean ran out and turning on a alleyway saw a bulking figure against the light and shot, the pained scream made it clear he hit his target, the creature on the floor was sobbing and Dean took his bowie in hand to finish it, a snicker from behind him made it clear he shot the wrong creature.

The skinwalker jumped him fom behind and pushed him down "Aren't you a jewel?" he said and punched him before Dad's footsteps made the monster flee.

Dean moved fast, and got tho the victim of his bullet and found a homeless guy, maybe 25, blonde and is clear blue eyes filled with terror and tears "I just wanted some food, I swear I did nothing wrong" Dean freaked out, started screaming for help, while the guy turned pale and cold on his arms, Dad had him by one arm and up

"Shut up, stupid!" he said hissing "do you want tot have every cop in this damn city on our tails?"

"he's bleeding Dad.. I..." and bent over the guy "i'm sorry, I swear I'm sorry, I'm sorry" but the guy was dead already. Dad dragged him away. Sam was just there, watching him, neither commented on it ever again but Sam looked at him different ever since.
***

The first. The first is special because it's his first memory, he couldn't even speak after that, for months, couldn't even say Dad how sorry he was, he couldn't even tell the truth.

The very first was when he was four, and he felt too hot and too much light in the house so he walked and saw Mom, her mouth open like trying to say something, her lips moved in a voiceless word, it seemed to him it was Dean, she wasked him to help her. he moved closer, but then Dad held him, gave him his brother and ordered to run, Dean obeyed, he had to take Sammy out, he had to, he had to go back, mom wanted his help, Mom needed him. and he had this picture in his head, mom held up high with the stains of red blood on her belly and her hair on fire.

He wanted to go back inside and help her when Dad had him and pulled him away. He should go back to Mom, he should've heped her.

and he's the one to blame, sammy will never met her because of him, and Dad started drinking because of that too, and Mom died because he wasn't good enough, fast enough, he felt guilt.
in his entire life, Dad never told him he forgive him, because Dean never tried to say he was sorry for not saving Mom.
***

And right outside the antiques store, for Sam it was only a line, but Dean even can count the beads of blood staining his face. When Sam asked him why his eyes bleed, he still has no enough strenght to tell his brother all of this,

the end
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Where this comes from? comes from the general question of why dean's eyes bleed in Bloody Mary.