szarabasjka

***

Jensen had to pretty much sneak out of the house until his brother found him near the front door, he had to say then he’d be seeing Jared.

“I’ll drive you!” Josh had his keys already even if their parents were still telling them not to go.

“No, Josh, I’m fine, I’ll walk.” Three sets of eyes were fixed on him. “What?” and marched to the door. Flashes danced in his head, over and over again about the one time he snuck out like this barely 17, too nervous to do anything else, and too horny to consider being caught. That one time he went to see Misha. The guy was setting a telescope, he had a blanket and coffee, they made love that night under the stars.

Jensen heard a horn, once more he lost time, it happens to those partially deceased, he was so lost in what his brain was bringing back he didn’t noticed he was close to the bar already, and that he was right in the middle of the road.

Passing the door he heard country music, the smell of beer and cigarettes hit him and he moved forward to the bar.

“You’re the Ackles kid right?” a tall lady looked at him up and down. “There.” She pointed with her head to a side and Jensen saw Sheriff Sheppard there. The man saw Jensen and made a movement with his hand for the boy to get close.

“Hello kid.” He offered the chair in front of him before starting the talk. “I know you need some answers, right? And your parents won’t give you any.”

Jensen sat looking straight into the other man dark eyes.

“Why should I trust you?”

“Because I have sins in my conscience. And I’d like to clean it out.”

Jensen settled on his chair. And let Sheppard talk.

“I was just a deputy back in 2004, you remember me?” Jensen made a face, even in his inexpressiveness Sheppard knew the truth “I bet you don’t… ”

The older man sighed and took a swing of his scotch. “I was destined here on May, and I saw you and Collins around, I remember because he was the only person in this shitty town that greeted me as if he really wanted to be my friend, he showed me around.”

Jensen closed his eyes pushing the fog away; this made no sense, what this man was saying? That he had a crush on Misha?

“SO when I saw him… cuffed and bent over Sheriff Ander’s desk… I swear… I lost it!” he let out a breath through his nose and started picking as his bottle. “I remember rumors of what happened to the Olsson guy and… I was afraid.”

“WAIT! Wait…” Jensen sighed too and looked around before rubbing a hand over his lips, suddenly he felt them dry. “Ty Olsson? He had an accident!”

“No, it wasn’t, rumors said he was stopped by Anders few hours before they found his truck on the Sioux fall’s pond.” Jensen had his eyes fully open in surprise. “Rumors at the station said he threatened the sheriff, something about what he had done to him.”

“I… I was a low rank deputy when all this happened, but I knew we had to do something, I spoke to your father when he was only a council member.”

“I know, he said Mayor Banks was Anders’s uncle.”

“And Anders could get away with pretty much anything.” Sheriff Sheppard finished.

“What happened to Ty?”

“I don’t know, for sure. All I know is that Anders used to bully him since he was in high school. Poor thing had it bad after your brother left. Everyone knew that.”

“I didn’t.” Jensen tried to explain, he felt that if he could’ve seen or hear anything, he could’ve be there for Ty.

“Your brother knew, that’s why your father was okay with what happened.”

“What happened? You’re not being clear.”

“I just… it’s complicated.” Sheppard rubbed his face. “It was October tenth when I heard we had a boy that killed himself. Word at the police station said Anders had you arrested after your fight with the red pickup truck goons.” Jensen nodded and turned to a side, it was awkward to have someone who knew what happened. “When you came with the accusations, I couldn’t take it anymore. I knew Olsson, and Collins. I liked them before you appeared.”

Jensen knew exactly what he was talking about. It was a Friday when he went visiting Ty. He was working at the Krushnic’s farm. Jensen grew up with Ty at his house all the time, so getting into Ty’s house and moving to his bedroom was nothing, besides he needed some time alone. He had a crush on the new basketball coach, Mr. Morgan, from the whole town only Ty was supportive, not even Josh knew about Jensen, only Ty, and he just laughed and asked if Jensen wanted to go out with him. He landed on Ty’s bed and turned the TV on waiting until his friend came back from work. He fell asleep without even noticing it.

“Ty, look I know we said…” Jensen woke up startled by a guy older than him. Jensen found the most amazing blue eyes, so deep blue, like the ocean, like the sky right before sunrise. “Hello… who are you?” asked the blue eyed man in front of Jensen who couldn’t take his eyes away from those lips. And suddenly not even Mr. Morgan looked as hot as this man. “Are you Ty’s boyfriend or something?”

“WHAT?” Jensen left the bed as if propelled by a coil. “NO! He’s my brother’s best friend, and I’m just visiting…”

“Okay, you must be little Jensen. Right?”

“I’m not little, I’m 17.” Jensen thinks about it, how petulant he sounded. How that made Misha smile amused.

How before a month they were already good friends, how it was Misha who asked if Jensen was gay. He remembers because Ty was always close and looking after him.

Then the Perseidas, Jensen didn’t know about them but then Misha started talking about the stars rain nonstop.

Jensen left his house saying he was going to see Ty, but Ty never got there, he was arrested for speeding, that was what the report said, and after three and a half hours with the sheriff he had an accident after he was released from the police station, he was now in an asylum in Louisiana where his brother lived. That was the night he and Misha kissed for first time.

Misha felt miserable, he said over and over he was sorry, he said it was not his intention that he cared too much for his friend that he didn’t want to betray his trust doing this with Ty’s little cargo. He felt so miserable they didn’t get in touch for almost a week, and only started talking again after a month, once Ty was sent to his brother, Jensen cried that day, Josh was gone and now Ty too. That’s why Misha was with him at all times, because Ty asked him to take care of his young friend.

Sheppard was quiet, part of this was said out loud and the man was looking at him amazed of how the rotten in front of him was recovering pieces of his memories right there.

“I’m sorry, I was there when Jeffrey Padalecki and Tommy Penickett.”

“Tahmoh, his name was Tahmoh.”

“They were so many.” The sheriff laughed. “All of them with the same stupid haircut.”

Jensen lowered his face remembering them, all wanted to look like Sawyer from Lost. All of them had pretty much the same haircut.

“So… anyway, after what happened to you, you don’t’ remember, right? I took you home that night, to Misha…” Jensen’s eyes shot to his face. “Your father thought I did something. I visited you at the hospital the day you spent there for… you know the bleeding?” Jensen remembered the pain and the haze of the painkillers. “The next I knew about you; we were told to go to the field near Sioux fall’s bridge, right behind Collins’ farm. I just knew it. By the time we got there they were already taking you down, Padalecki tried CPR, he did his best. But it was too late.”

“I guess guilt didn’t let him give up.”

“I thought the same. He really messed up his fingers, those same fingers you broke.” Jensen smirked with satisfaction. “He was just released after threatening your boyfriend.”

“He was there when… when…” he couldn’t make himself say it. “He even helped Anders when he raped me.”

“I was the one who got the phone, it was left inside my car, with a note, no SIM card, no prints, no contacts, nothing, just a bunch of pictures and the stupid case, with the confederate flag on it? The one he bragged about everywhere.”

Jensen remembered the flag. He remembered with the pain and the humiliation.

“Misha went insane when he arrived; he only saw the line of red pickup trucks leaving and the coroners’ van. He flipped, next time I saw him he was being dragged into the station, he was brought in when I was checking the pictures, and it was my fault that he saw them.” Jensen understood then. Why Misha did what he did.

It took Mark Sheppard a minute or two to regain control. “I found Anders with his pants down, his cock out and Collins bent over his desk” Jensen gasped fearing Misha had suffered the same faith. “I confronted him and let Misha leave.” He finished his drink in one gulp. “I should have never let him out… he went chasing every red pickup truck guy and shot three of them, the only one that died was Padalecki.” He turned and looking into Jensen’s eyes. “Misha killed himself with the same gun. The gun you left under your pillow.” Jensen left his father gun there, he didn’t need it, he didn’t want Misha finding a mess in his house, he’d have to live with the memories of blood and dead on the house he just bought. Jensen couldn’t do that to his love.

Sheppard kept talking “I never told anyone but that phone? We knew it was his, Jeff’s-”

“What?” Neither Jensen nor the sheriff knew how long Jared had been there. “You mean... are you saying…”

“That your brother was there when Sheriff Anders raped me?” Jensen said matter of factly, he felt the need to make someone else hurt, like he was hurting. Like the hollow empty space in his chest. “It was either him or someone else, just like him holding his phone and taking pictures.” He wished he could cry because he never cried for what happened to him. “He was there. I remember the hair and the phone in the same room. I remember he touched me when Anders was done with me.”

“Shut up you fucking rotten, shut the fuck up! My brother would’ve never… never!!”

Jared moved without thinking and punched Jensen sending him flying back to land on a heap. “It was all your fault, you couldn’t be normal, you couldn’t hide like the rest of us, you had to kill yourself weak bastard and you ruined everyone’s life!”

“Jared, enough!” Sheriff Sheppard held him back. “Calm down so we can talk.”

“I heard enough of your shit.” Jared pushed the sheriff back.

“Ask your parents Jared go home and ask them about what happened.” Jared looked at Jensen trying to get up disoriented and strangely calm. “You should go back to your grave rotten scum.” He spat on Jensen while a giant guy came to kick him out, the lady from behind the counter had a bat in her hand.

“Sheppard, leave, it’s your obligation to see that boy is safe, you messed with this.” She moved to get her phone and started dialing.

Jensen was still sitting on the floor. Sometimes emotions sucked.

***

Gerry and Sheri Padalecki were just sitting in front of the TV when they heard the SUV parking outside their house. “That’s Jared… what you think had happened?” Sheri moved to the door to welcome her son.

The door opened in one harsh push before she could get close. The phone started ringing in the other room, but everything got drowned in the voice of their son.

“You knew?”

“What?”

“About what Anders did to Jensen? What Jeff did, you knew?”

Mr. Padalecki stood as tall as his son and nodded. “Yes, we knew. That’s why we sent you away, this was too much. He was always there, ALWAYS! What if he did the same to you?”

Jared felt as if someone punched him in the stomach, he was seeing everything in white and next thing he knew his mother had him hugged. She was caressing his back to try to make him control his breathing. His chest was burning and his eyes were blurry, his knees were weak and his feel felt like concrete.

“We had to, baby. We had to keep you and Meg safe.”

“Is not true, he was good, I came out to him, I told him, and he was cool with it.”

“He told us, a couple days before, just when he was arrested for picking fights on the street.”

“He harassed Jensen’s boyfriend! Did you know that?”

His mom started sobbing.

“I wanted to ignore it. I wanted to believe it was just friendly banter, but I knew.”

Jared moved away from his mother’s arms, looking at them with disgust.

“And instead of explaining us, you just sent us away? Not even letting us back for Christmas? Have you any idea how terrible was my life? How awful Megan feels for all this?” he turned around looking into the house where he spent his entire childhood.

“There’s a lot more… Jared.”

The boy turned from his mother to his dad. “No! What were you thinking? Just because someone else said Jeff was bad you gave up on all your kids?”

“We did the unthinkable for our kids. You have no right to judge us!” his father shouted.

A knock on the door made all of them turn. Mayor Ackles, his wife, Sam Ferris from the bar and Sheriff Sheppard entered the house without any explanation.

“What happened?” Mrs. Padalecki asked.

“It’s my fault.” Sheppard was moving forward. “They deserve to know, but he wouldn’t listen to me. Jensen… he understood.”

“Why you had to do this to him?!” Jared’s father shouted on his face.

“Both boys deserve to know, they’re old enough to know.” Mrs. Padalecki looked at Sheppard with something like fear and pain.

Sheriff said he was sorry once more before he faced Jared. “Wanna know what happened? The day Jensen died your brother went to the bar and outed you. He was too upset and too drunk to think straight.”

Jared gasped and turned to his parents.

“It was never a problem for us. Never, we love you, and who you love is not an issue.” Mr. Padalecki stated.

“Sadly there was one person in the bar that shouldn’t have heard him.” Sheppard turned to Mayor Ackles.

“Anders…” Jared knew it before they had to say anything. “But I was fine, he was nice, he even offered me a ride the day Collins killed my brother.”

“Because I stopped him.” Jensen’s mother was looking into his eyes and Jared remembered. They were going towards the Sioux fall’s pond exactly the opposite direction from his house.

“You don’t mind right kid? I have a thing to take care of, and I’ll drive you home afterwards.” The man said while caressing his knee. Back then he didn’t though twice about the touch.

“I found him when he was about to rape a handcuffed man, I found him when he had the poor guy bent down. He left the station in a hurry saying he’d do the right thing and end with the fucking faggots.” Sheppard leaned on a chair. “We had no idea what he was going to do, there were only two gay guys in this town and Jensen was already dead.”

“I heard him, saying he’d fix you or kill you trying.” Mrs. Ferris said. “I couldn’t let it happen again. They chased my girl out of town for being too mouthy to marry one of their boys. I couldn’t let them do to you the same they did to Jensen or Misha.”

“When we heard what he did. When Sheppard told us, we couldn’t deal with the guilt, Jensen said the true, and we ignored him for being different.” Mayor Ackles continued, and looking to his wife finished. “We took care of that bastard.”

Jared turned around the whole room looking at him, this people all council members now killed a man?

“He went missing the day my son died.” Jared’s mom spoke. “I just had lost my boy, and he suffered so much, people say he didn’t even defended himself he knew he deserved it. I want to believe that he’s in heaven because he asked for forgiveness.” The lady cleaned her face with the tip of her fingers. “But I needed to make someone pay for all that.”

Jared’s dad moved to hold her.

“But… Is it true? Was Jeff? Was he..? With Anders when… was my brother a rapist?” His mom sobbed.

“All I knew was what was on those pictures, on that cellphone.” Jensen’s mom explained. “I knew it wasn’t fair for his parents, as it wasn’t fair for you what Anders was about to do to you.” She wasn’t crying, she had the same quiet strength Jensen showed all the time. “It was more than obvious, and Jeff wasn’t there to ask him about it anymore.”

“I don’t know what happened. I took his keys and sent him out with that other kid he was with all the time, he was too drunk for anything.” Mrs. Ferris tried justifying her actions.

“I can’t believe this, this can’t be true.”

“Anders entered the bar when I was closing due the lock down. He was bleeding and told me what Donna just did to him.” Mrs. Ferris rubber her arms as if she were cold. “I don’t know what got into me. All I couldn’t see was this stopping once and for all.” She sighed. “I didn’t thought what would happen I just…”

“We did this on our own Jared, we are all mothers and fathers, we finished it so no children would suffer what Jensen and others suffered.”

“Son, it’s true. The people in this room is responsible of a murder, the entire town knows about this, we just want to believe that it made our town a better place.” His father tried to make him understand.

“And if you think they didn’t love you, you’re wrong.” Mrs. Ackles explained. “Donna saw Sheriff Anders had you in his car, we couldn’t wait.”

“You had to stay away in order to be safe, just like Meg and Mac, just like Jensen will do in a couple weeks.”

“And you thought I didn’t deserve to know this?”

“You were a kid.” his father reasoned. “We couldn’t burden you with this.”

“We swore secrecy Jared, we couldn’t tell you” his mother got close but he moved away again.

“I have to go…” Jared got to the lawn and stood there in blank.

“Kid.” Sheppard got close. “I was about to tell you, you should have stayed in the bar…”

“Shut up.”

“Stop the self pity party, I’ve seen your mother covered in the blood of the man that was a threat to you, you should at least thank them for that. You think Misha was badass for the killing spree? You haven’t seen those three ladies there, they’re the scariest creatures I’ve ever seen, all to protect their cubs.”

“Shut up.” He moved towards his car.

“This entire town knew, that’s why they were all at Misha Collins funeral, they understood.” He kept talking but Jared started running.

Jared didn’t stop. He went home, ignoring the cold or the hour. He had made his mind. It was about 10 pm, it was like 6pm in California. He dialed and let Stanford know he was going to join in at the start of fall.

He started packing that night. He couldn’t wait to leave this town..

.

Pat 7