szarabasjka: (Default)
 I'm seriously not sure why i do this to myself; after a couple failed dated R caled yesterday and told me he feels I'm being distracted/unatentive/cold (this is the word he used); and he wanted to know if something was wrong.
and I'm not sure what's wrong, I still like him, I still want him, in more ways than one but... is like this is the limit, this is as far as I can go; as far as I can be with someone.
I might have been screwing the best thing I've had in like 7 years.

szarabasjka: (Default)
 I tihnk is your self respect and/or your luck.
dearest R; the sweetest guy on this earth, yet a closet kinky ass... is sick like a dog, aparently i got him sick and still he says he's sorry,  sweetheart lol

it's so undiginfying having me giggling like a dumbass at my phone...

anywho... things are fine even if I'm not having time to update my stories.
szarabasjka: (Default)
 and why do I mention them? because while I'm not allergic i do have  lots of troubl eprocessing peanuts and i have no idea why i do that to myself...
anywyay, why is it important I had peanuts? 
because i had the craziest sweetest dream in a while. I was in a presentation/tour of some kind and Gordon Ramsay sat next to me and told me my pie was very good, he gave me a couple tips on how to handle stress and then called me love and got up.saying he'll be back
I turned again and his pace was taken by this tall and gangly goofy guy... Matt Smith!!

we laughed, we whispered nonsens ena dhis hand felt warm in mine, then he made fin of me for sometyhing and when i piouted hugged me. I didn't want him to leave but Goprdon wanted hsi chair and Matt left.

it makes no sense but it was a cute dream, it was like being withthe rincipal and my best friend at the same time.
szarabasjka: (Default)
 wll I had to cancel plans because since monday I've been... suffering my yearly case of laryngitis... yep! I have no voice and I'm not ready to humuliate myself with signs when I can't even use ADL properly..
so we postponed the date for a week. 

life

Jun. 5th, 2017 12:18 am
szarabasjka: (Default)
 tomorrow - actually today- is my sister Wara's birthday, she's the cuet one, you know?I was the strong one, Mel the stubborn one, War is the cute, pretty one, and Louisa... yeah she's snow white. Anyway... 15 years ago, a day like tomorrow(today) we had cake and danced and gave her this siamese cat; this year we already celebrated, but it was mellow due to Parents drama, I hate when they ruin stuff for my siblings.

remember I tod you all I hate my job? I have another interview tomorrow, and crossign fingers I'll move into a job wheren I'll be teaching!! GOsh knows nobody should be given to me to teach... but anything is better than nothing right now. 
szarabasjka: (Default)
 let me tell you a story on how I was dumped today... by the only guy I considered was good enough for me to drop the walls and all the jazz.
let me tell you how even if he dumped me and just left me there standing feeling awkward and sad I can't be mad at the bastard.
let me tell you a story on how a guy cried because he had to end a relationship because his son is acting out on him because he's too invested in a relationship the freaking brat does not like...
let's ignore the fact that I just wanted to kiss him and tell him it was fine, that not all dads do that for their kids.

Let me tell you why this time my broken heart is not even that bad.
maybe... maybe I shouldn't tell you this story at all, just too fresh; just too close, just not the moemnt to go around telling stories.

so...life

May. 22nd, 2017 12:16 am
szarabasjka: (Default)
 not only I got all blue anf tired and sad for no reason, I had a couple rounds with my father... which you might have idefitied as the reason of this ble days, right?

so yeah life ogt in the way still haven't seen the Supernatural finale, they're both epis waiting for me and winking eom my recorder...

***
I'm on themaking of a grand finale for the cinderella one an dfighting my way through Sterek's The Story.
let's see how things go this week.
szarabasjka: (Default)
 So.. I went back to swimming; it was HELL!! and I mean it HELL!!! it hurt; it was hard andI almost drawned twice.
I'm so out of shape is ridiculous.
but I wont give up!!

szarabasjka: (Default)
 I swear to God!! If my mother shows me one more fucking piece of baby clothing I'll make her swallow it!!
szarabasjka: (Default)
 no, I'm not being weird, okay? i just want to know what do you use?

pads? 

Tampons?

cups?

just help me out okease.
szarabasjka: (Default)
yesterday was R's bday; sweetheart couldn't avoid his family... 

finally the renovations at parent's house are done.

and i have an interview for a better job on tuesday.
so far may seems to be far better thanApril andI'm only one hour into it.

Oh I got diagnosed with HB, it's my family0s curse so yeah...
i went on a silly shopping spree with my sister W, she's acting weird and bought a million weird things; I bought a decent looking sweater andone shirt that had every eyebrow up sice I tried it on, it's white... with pink stripes, yep, me adult I only wear black Kali will wear a pink striped shirt... in my defense it looks pretty and screams summer.

so that... I'm going to bed.
szarabasjka: (Default)
just heard the weirdest thing today that I went to check on my police report on y beighbors poisoning my cats, right?
so I got there to the front desk and told my name and address and told them that I wanted to know what they already did about... then the lady stoped me and called back. for someone and informed me there was someone assigned to my neighborhood already. So yeah there i was all serious because DAMN!! someone assigned because two stray kitties were posioned?

well happens that some dogs had been killed in the whole neighborhood, alarms were picked on; and two houses were robed, one of those houses my neighbors at the right; the new ones the ones I thought were the culprids!!!

I assume the robers targeted my neighbors who had no animals an my strays accidentally ate the whtever thing with poison they left.

now I'm kinda scared of being alone at home. and seriously!! why are we even aying a security company?
szarabasjka: (Default)
yeah; I'm home and I'm giong to stay here.
R called earlier and said something happened with his kid (kid knows his dad is dating and is acting out apparently) and he can't make it.
I'm fine, i a good change; like to be less eager and less giddy. cool off my dreaming head... 
it happened on a good moment before I started going all stupid and wthout limits at all.
szarabasjka: (Default)
reading back i my LJ I found thisd quote; it almost make sense for those migrating from LJ


Change. We don't like it. We fear it, but we can't stop it from coming. We either adapt to change or we get left behind. It hurts to grow, anybody who tells you it doesn't is lying, but here's the truth sometimes the more things change the more they stay the same. And sometimes, oh, sometimes change is good. Sometimes change is everything.

so R

Apr. 8th, 2017 05:14 pm
szarabasjka: (Default)
yeah, I'm being stupid, or naive or something, but he's the one making contact when I'm already scared enough to not even call...

and here' I am, on our first date he made a joke about the Little mermaid from Disney and I ended up singing a bit of one of the songs and now I just can't stop.
we're going out on monday since this weekend is family bound (father and brother birthday for me and he has his kid for the weekend) he said he doesn't want to wait much so we're meeting on monday; I'm smiling like a dork.

Hello!!

Apr. 5th, 2017 11:11 pm
szarabasjka: (Default)
I'm styill not happy withthe lack of pictures in profile and so but at least here we're comrade free, right?
let's see what happens.

Thanks for followoing me -again- Splix

So...

Apr. 3rd, 2017 11:50 pm
szarabasjka: (whereever it may leads)
since Russia owns the place now on I'll be moving to a less comrade friendly place as soon as my procrastinating ass movesd everythign there. and I mean EVERYTHING.
any site you recommend? are you all leaving? are you staying?
can we all move to the same place at the same time?

any ideas?
E$TA; if you're interested in my stories all you have to do is google szarabasjka and my Ao3 nd other accounts will pop up, mos tof my stuiff will be there.
szarabasjka: (whereever it may leads)
and I know i'll post a pathertic post about me being lonely but okay with it.
can we just skip it this time? just tyhis time, can we please igore the whole thing?

I'm not really in the mood to even pretend I care, i'm not in the mood to celebrate that another year has passed and I did nothing with my life.

its so bad this year I'm traveling to escape my family and friends, I'm going all alone to a city where nobody knows me.


so yeah happy fucking birthday to me...

so...

Jan. 19th, 2017 01:51 am
szarabasjka: (whereever it may leads)
yeah I went out with frends today and happens that oen of them brought her kid, I mean, it's an adult thing with people who has no kids why on earth do you bring your ugly ill mannederd kid that whines and throws fits because you are not paying attention to him?

I'm not a motherm, yeah? I get it I don't know how but seriously!! what's wrong with moms? why can't you control your little mongrel!?
szarabasjka: (whereever it may leads)
just please... please and I'm begging you; don't do anything stupid or risky, have fun these days but be safe.
for all of those who took advantage of me this year, Thank you you taught me a lesson; and here I am you assses, no matter what I'm not bitter or sad.
for those who were there for me, Thank you, you showed me love is the way and I promise to pass teh message.
for those who left, and left me behind. Thank you for the things you gave me, the lessons I learned from you and the loev you showed me, for one of them in particular, Thank you for making my life more meaningful-

for you all my LJ friends. Thank you for tolerating my rambling and my idiocy. thank you for the support and for not judging.
thank you all love you all, God bless us all.
Happy 2016, and good bye

Welcome 2017 please be kind and generous with all of us.

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