szarabasjka: (Default)
 things are a mesws, I'm tired, I'm bored and I've been working like a dog...
I love my life.
R is fine, even if we had to... like not see each other for over a week again (seriously, is this what adult relationships are like?)

I'm still hunting for a place that kind sark my interest.
and of course every day on the train I have this small thing kicking the back of my seat, "are you done? are you done? are you gonna update? are you gonna write again?" it is kinda freaky when I have the urge to turn artound and snap at it to cut it off or i'll delete every file on the tablet.... 

but I'm sorry I've been not writing so stories/fics/drabbles are on hold for a bit longer.

pretty much that.. life is fine, for once, even if I'm not where I was supposed to be, even if I'm not how I was supposed to be and even if I survived yet another year without him. it took a lot of effort to do things like usual this month.

some say Always, Some say Okay, Some say Forever, I'd be forever Sorrow. becvause in Spetember Sorrow means so much more.

<i>"Sweet Merry Doll" he greeted with a dismissive smile. "I've seen teh BlackEagle fight, a sweet merry doll like you cannot order me around, go back and tell your mistress I'll only deal with someone born on a noble cradle." the lady, almost half a foot shorter moved closer after jumping down her horse, her banner still high in the hands of her esquire. 
"sweet you call me, thought I'm not, nor I'm merry... and Doll?" her eyes ablaze with blottled fury and power and her face as cold and hard as stone. " I am no doll unless Dolls have claws and fangs and fire..." the man backed away scared of the fierce creature in front of him, and the clothe that seemed flames on her hair that the wind was waving aroud. She smiled; her sword already out of the sheet. "you will respect Irina Borkbal, from the Crown House of the dessrts of fire, or I'll have you fearing her."
the knights snickered as she went back and in one fast jump was on her stallion. "show me the way... My Lord, for your Queen is waiting for me."
the man looked startled to the small group, the simple braid tied with rbbons like fire and the plain clothes, even if in vivid colors. "Lady Borkbal..." the man said with a bow. "Owen Teagan will have you in LIlly's Meadows, The Queen and the King cannot offer you their palace so your uncle cannot claim they're interfeering in your nation's politics or call you a traitor or a prisoner; She sends her apology..."
"Okay, show me the way to this... Teagan man's home..."</i>

again

Sep. 5th, 2017 12:48 am
szarabasjka: (Default)
 I like my job, the new one, I do, I really enjoy it!
then why on earth I accepted Herb's and Dr I (long ago progfessor of mine) invite to check their organization?
the place is amazing, the equipments, the movement, everythign is amazing.
excet the people, it's just toxic and so stressful and not because they ahve more movement than any other place, it's because the people working there is not a team!!
I kinda feel bad for not having all that tech and resources and frist line stuff... but I'm fine wthere I am, is not that bad... and is a far better ambience.

so yeah, Still I feel bad for failing my long time friend and a professor I respected so much!! (to explain how much I respecte Dr I, I decide things thinking "Would Dr I be okay with this? ") and i kinda feel I failed them....

Anyways, life is fine, even if I'm kinda conflicted...
just a couple more months and Im moving, my first ever pic/selfie will be of me the first morning in my new place.
szarabasjka: (Default)
 So I've been away for a while, right?
life and shit...
anyway things relevant to post about my enui is still running strong, as usual, goosd thing, R and I are... kinda doing fine. 
new job is demanding and I'm tired as hel but I'm happy not ideal but job anyways, and better than the last one.

and I learned to make this amazing cinnamon rolls that has everyone reeling, seriously, my sisters and my parent practically fought over them and I'm all proud fo myself  :)

so yeah that's it all about me, I'm so lame...
szarabasjka: (Default)
 falling asleep rght here while talking, I'm about to go to bed and is quite early, I'm finally sleeping and even f blue in a god place mentally.
did I mentioned I have another job finally' finally see light at the end of the tunel, better hours, better team, and the only other doctor on my watch is less an ass than he looks, and hes quite young so it must be very... intimidating having me there all know-it-all and stuff...
I'll try to be a good person I swear..
good night, God bless you all
szarabasjka: (Default)
 I'm seriously not sure why i do this to myself; after a couple failed dated R caled yesterday and told me he feels I'm being distracted/unatentive/cold (this is the word he used); and he wanted to know if something was wrong.
and I'm not sure what's wrong, I still like him, I still want him, in more ways than one but... is like this is the limit, this is as far as I can go; as far as I can be with someone.
I might have been screwing the best thing I've had in like 7 years.

szarabasjka: (Default)
 I tihnk is your self respect and/or your luck.
dearest R; the sweetest guy on this earth, yet a closet kinky ass... is sick like a dog, aparently i got him sick and still he says he's sorry,  sweetheart lol

it's so undiginfying having me giggling like a dumbass at my phone...

anywho... things are fine even if I'm not having time to update my stories.
szarabasjka: (Default)
 and why do I mention them? because while I'm not allergic i do have  lots of troubl eprocessing peanuts and i have no idea why i do that to myself...
anywyay, why is it important I had peanuts? 
because i had the craziest sweetest dream in a while. I was in a presentation/tour of some kind and Gordon Ramsay sat next to me and told me my pie was very good, he gave me a couple tips on how to handle stress and then called me love and got up.saying he'll be back
I turned again and his pace was taken by this tall and gangly goofy guy... Matt Smith!!

we laughed, we whispered nonsens ena dhis hand felt warm in mine, then he made fin of me for sometyhing and when i piouted hugged me. I didn't want him to leave but Goprdon wanted hsi chair and Matt left.

it makes no sense but it was a cute dream, it was like being withthe rincipal and my best friend at the same time.
szarabasjka: (Default)
 wll I had to cancel plans because since monday I've been... suffering my yearly case of laryngitis... yep! I have no voice and I'm not ready to humuliate myself with signs when I can't even use ADL properly..
so we postponed the date for a week. 

life

Jun. 5th, 2017 12:18 am
szarabasjka: (Default)
 tomorrow - actually today- is my sister Wara's birthday, she's the cuet one, you know?I was the strong one, Mel the stubborn one, War is the cute, pretty one, and Louisa... yeah she's snow white. Anyway... 15 years ago, a day like tomorrow(today) we had cake and danced and gave her this siamese cat; this year we already celebrated, but it was mellow due to Parents drama, I hate when they ruin stuff for my siblings.

remember I tod you all I hate my job? I have another interview tomorrow, and crossign fingers I'll move into a job wheren I'll be teaching!! GOsh knows nobody should be given to me to teach... but anything is better than nothing right now. 
szarabasjka: (Default)
 let me tell you a story on how I was dumped today... by the only guy I considered was good enough for me to drop the walls and all the jazz.
let me tell you how even if he dumped me and just left me there standing feeling awkward and sad I can't be mad at the bastard.
let me tell you a story on how a guy cried because he had to end a relationship because his son is acting out on him because he's too invested in a relationship the freaking brat does not like...
let's ignore the fact that I just wanted to kiss him and tell him it was fine, that not all dads do that for their kids.

Let me tell you why this time my broken heart is not even that bad.
maybe... maybe I shouldn't tell you this story at all, just too fresh; just too close, just not the moemnt to go around telling stories.

so...life

May. 22nd, 2017 12:16 am
szarabasjka: (Default)
 not only I got all blue anf tired and sad for no reason, I had a couple rounds with my father... which you might have idefitied as the reason of this ble days, right?

so yeah life ogt in the way still haven't seen the Supernatural finale, they're both epis waiting for me and winking eom my recorder...

***
I'm on themaking of a grand finale for the cinderella one an dfighting my way through Sterek's The Story.
let's see how things go this week.
szarabasjka: (Default)
 So.. I went back to swimming; it was HELL!! and I mean it HELL!!! it hurt; it was hard andI almost drawned twice.
I'm so out of shape is ridiculous.
but I wont give up!!

szarabasjka: (Default)
 I swear to God!! If my mother shows me one more fucking piece of baby clothing I'll make her swallow it!!
szarabasjka: (Default)
 no, I'm not being weird, okay? i just want to know what do you use?

pads? 

Tampons?

cups?

just help me out okease.
szarabasjka: (Default)
yesterday was R's bday; sweetheart couldn't avoid his family... 

finally the renovations at parent's house are done.

and i have an interview for a better job on tuesday.
so far may seems to be far better thanApril andI'm only one hour into it.

Oh I got diagnosed with HB, it's my family0s curse so yeah...
i went on a silly shopping spree with my sister W, she's acting weird and bought a million weird things; I bought a decent looking sweater andone shirt that had every eyebrow up sice I tried it on, it's white... with pink stripes, yep, me adult I only wear black Kali will wear a pink striped shirt... in my defense it looks pretty and screams summer.

so that... I'm going to bed.
szarabasjka: (Default)
just heard the weirdest thing today that I went to check on my police report on y beighbors poisoning my cats, right?
so I got there to the front desk and told my name and address and told them that I wanted to know what they already did about... then the lady stoped me and called back. for someone and informed me there was someone assigned to my neighborhood already. So yeah there i was all serious because DAMN!! someone assigned because two stray kitties were posioned?

well happens that some dogs had been killed in the whole neighborhood, alarms were picked on; and two houses were robed, one of those houses my neighbors at the right; the new ones the ones I thought were the culprids!!!

I assume the robers targeted my neighbors who had no animals an my strays accidentally ate the whtever thing with poison they left.

now I'm kinda scared of being alone at home. and seriously!! why are we even aying a security company?
szarabasjka: (Default)
yeah; I'm home and I'm giong to stay here.
R called earlier and said something happened with his kid (kid knows his dad is dating and is acting out apparently) and he can't make it.
I'm fine, i a good change; like to be less eager and less giddy. cool off my dreaming head... 
it happened on a good moment before I started going all stupid and wthout limits at all.
szarabasjka: (Default)
reading back i my LJ I found thisd quote; it almost make sense for those migrating from LJ


Change. We don't like it. We fear it, but we can't stop it from coming. We either adapt to change or we get left behind. It hurts to grow, anybody who tells you it doesn't is lying, but here's the truth sometimes the more things change the more they stay the same. And sometimes, oh, sometimes change is good. Sometimes change is everything.

so R

Apr. 8th, 2017 05:14 pm
szarabasjka: (Default)
yeah, I'm being stupid, or naive or something, but he's the one making contact when I'm already scared enough to not even call...

and here' I am, on our first date he made a joke about the Little mermaid from Disney and I ended up singing a bit of one of the songs and now I just can't stop.
we're going out on monday since this weekend is family bound (father and brother birthday for me and he has his kid for the weekend) he said he doesn't want to wait much so we're meeting on monday; I'm smiling like a dork.

Hello!!

Apr. 5th, 2017 11:11 pm
szarabasjka: (Default)
I'm styill not happy withthe lack of pictures in profile and so but at least here we're comrade free, right?
let's see what happens.

Thanks for followoing me -again- Splix

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