Oct. 15th, 2011

szarabasjka: (Default)
John was left standing on the street, with a six months old baby on one arm and a four years old traumatized kid holding the other, had nowhere to go, had nothing at all outside that house.
John was left there with his boys, and he felt completly alone.
Once the firemen and the police left, a lady came closer and touched his arm
'Dear.. do you have somewhere to go?' John then felt the numb feeling on his chest, the dull buzz on his ears disapeared and he heard Sammy screaming and the laborated breathing of an unusually quiet Deanny, 'Do you?' and John finally breathed 'You can come to my house...' she offered already pulling him up from the trunk of his car and holding Dean's little arm 'Look at you, you're gonna be a heartbreaker huh? with those eyes' said smiling 'What is your name hun?' she was talking to Dean but her arms were already traveling to Sammy, taking him from the weird clutch his dad had him on.
'we'll be fine' John grunted with too much effort 'I just... need time to re-group' finally all his weight on his feet
'you will but you have to come to my place, you need to take care of them, you can't do that with only a car' She said smiling 'they need something warm, look at him' nodded towards Dean held to his leg again, shivering with cold and shock 'He needs you to be strong, that should be your main concern right now ' John sighed and holding dean by the arms pulled him up
'you hungry Tiger?' Dean shook his head no 'you cold?' and dean's pretty green eyes welled up, John held him close 'It's okay dean, It's okay... don't worry, we'll be fine, I'll take care of everything... don't be scared...' and sobed, just one single sob escaped his mouth, his Mary was gone after all he had all the right to cry.

That's how MIssouri entered into his life, that night she offered him his spare room, and a little portable craddle for Sammy, John couldn't sleep but Dean slept finally after crying for what felt like hours, his pj's left in the bathroom replaced with something MIssouri gave him.

the haze in front of John's eyes left the moment he noticed he were more worried about revenge than to find a new house for the boys, more after what MIssouri told him,Dean was finally talking again, five months... and it was Sammy who made the kid talk again, the first he heard was Deanny telling Sammy Angels were looking over him. And once Again John cried.

He met this guy who claimed to be a pastor, he was working in some kind of crazy religious war against... evil creatures? And he had to smile, he wasn't convinced that evil creatures or demons could have killed his wife, left his kids without a mom, why on eaarth creatures could care for his family? Why was he even considering this?

'come see me again' said the message the Missouri left, her real nime is Adelle, but don't you dare calling her that, only dean does call her that, especially now, after their last visit, five years old Dean saw her holding Sammy.
'Look at you baby.. so big and those dimples.. I'd kiss you to death' she said holding Sammy close while John Smiled, out of nowhere Dean cam
'leave Sammy, he's MY Sammy, don't eat him' and kicked her in the shin, she cried out And John held dean down
''DEAN!!' he said 'What's wrong with you?' something was wrong thou... Dean felt hot 'he's been irritable the whole day, he was just fine when I left him at the daycare'
'I wonder why...' Missouri and dean locked eyes 'you'll take care of your baby brother for a long long time dear boy you don't have to be worried about that' she said with a sad smile and Dean huffed rubbing his pretty little nose with his arm. 'baby you feeling okay?' john got close and held him, getting to his eye level Dean hid his eyes, and pouted
'You have to tell me Dean, are you okay?' Dean turned to him finally and John was striken by those eyes, Mary's eyes, full of tears that stuck to long thick lashes and he gasped withthe stab of pain he felt once again. and Dean was forgoten for a while

'daddy...' mumbled Dean getting closer
'just aminute more D, go back to watch Sammy for me okay?' said John not even turning
'He got all spotty... and is too hot, just like me'' John left his cahir in a second and was next to his kid
'where is Sam?' asked moving with Dean to the living room.

Sam was on his arms on a bath while MIssouri ran to the pharmacy to get some acetaminofen for the baby, and John was panicking, what to do with the baby? what does he kows abut chikenpox for a start? But Sammy was okay after just a long bath and fresh diapers, he rubbed his face when he heard it from the other room:
'Hey jude... ont makit bad,,,' a sniffle sounded 'take a sad song and makit bettel'' and his heart broke, he went looking for deanny to find him covered with his leather jacket on the couch running a fever and with chickenpox spots all over his pretty face
'Oh God... baby..' he said inching his way to his oldest son 'you feeling okay?' and Dean turned to look at him
'Sammy is okay now?' and smiled at the simple yes 'I miss mommy' and John had to cry, this time more than one hidden sob, more than the tears of frustration his kids got out of him at night when nobody was watching, he cried, for first time his dead wife, the lies she hid, the pain he felt, the loss, everything while holding Dean up and singing that stupid song she used to sing to them as a lullaby and that he liked so much
'I love you my brave soldier' he said holding Dean close 'I'll always will, I'm proud of you and no matter what happens, you have to remember that, okay?' And Dean nodded feeling the cold cloth on his forehead before falling asleep.
***
Maybe that's why dean loves Dad more than Sam, because he remembers when he wasn't a shadow full of flaws as they see him now, he remembers him from the time he was a dad and not a warrior.

"Pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding"
szarabasjka: (Default)
is it just me that finds weird that Sam with or without soul feels no guilt?
I understand Dean who doesn't get troubled when working with lives? but what about Sam? that *beep* about hell was as not convincing as the lies he told in the Ruby time or the soulless Sam mess to me.

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