Things happened this weekend, for once I wasn't working so me and two of my sisters decided to hang out. normal, until baby sis came all the way from the capital to see a friend whose Dad had cancer, he didn't had the amazing insurance coverage my dad had, he didn't had a half dozen children wanting to help, he didn't had the attention and early treatment mine had.

As a result, this man who was like a second father to my baby sis passed away hours after my sister went to see him. It was sad, and we all felt glum, it was unfair, right? He was younger than my dad, he was a better person, his daughters still need him, and he's not here anymore.

So we all were feeling quite shitty when we went to have dinner with my parents -part of custom of weekends in town- just to hear my father say nasty things about us caring for someone else, not to mention that he started saying nasty things about what we do, what we like, and pretty much being the father I grew up with, a toxic, negative, entitled bigot. He can't even thank God for being here!!

So we said screw you and we all four of us went to the movies, it was hilarious people in her late 20's and 30's laughing like idiots when the rest of the theater were crying, we saw The fault in our stars, and since we already read the book it was funny and cute and we laughed and had fun even if the movie itself was not funny, especially in such a day.

After that, since it was my sister's last night in town we ended up on a little pub having a glass of wine and My God we laughed. I don't think we've had this much fin since we all were teens.
but life has changed us, back in those days we couldn't even had alcohol and pretty much used to get some ciggs and sit on a plaza and smoke and laugh, back in those days we were innocent and didn't really care for anything else, back in those days we used to let my dad's opinion affect us and how we felt.
There's nothing left from those little girls, waiting for life, what I saw on that table on Sunday night was four women, strong and mature and tired, we all were laughing yes, but there was a sadness on us, as if knowing this moments, this little times when we can be the old us are not gonna be many. We realized that nothing ever is going to be the same.
And it hurt.

So... back in my days as a pariah, I used to want to be alone I was like the weirdo in breakfast club, I was always alone and was my piggy phase, i didn't even washed my hair in days and stuff like that... yeah i know.. the problem was that I wanted people to stay away from mne, I seriously wanted them away I had so much to figure out before trying to be normal.
so okay when I was in 9th grade I was a freak, but sadly I was this tinny littler thing still too small to deffend myself and way to naive to understand I had to. My older brother who was one class ahead of me instead of helping me out, since he just fit fine, used to make fun of me with the rest...

I was there alone, mst of my friends were in diferent school, my parents insisted in having us in private schools where kids can be more and more mean than you expect...

To the point, in class I was afraid of answering 'cause teacher's pets used to bully me afterwards, and I was afraid to move because people made fun of me or my clothes... there was only one person nice to me, even when the whole class made this stupid game of not talking to me for weeks, i was left there, in silence and alone.

The guy who used to speak to me even if the rest hit him was GSO, he was cute and sweet, he was the first one of the class that invited me to play spin the bottle, I kwo that sounds weird, but the game had the kids obsessed and if I ever get to fit there...? I had to play.
he used to come close just to see my homework, not to copy or anything, he was one of the smartest kids in class, he just used to come close to say I did a good job, I know that sounds stupid and unimportant but for the little thing I was, the one with almost no self esteem, that meant more than you imagine.

Not enough? then you never lived the kind of Hell that middle school was for me, I was the smallest one, the weird one withthe boy's haircut and the weird clothes.

Why is he important? because I saw him today, he works at the bank I have one of my accounts on, and I was so surprised to see him, it made me smile, in all the numbness the idea of seeing this kind guy, who, when wasn't cool to talk to geeks and freaks, came to me as a friend.
I came home and googled him Guess what he's doing great if reports are truth, he's married with a sweet looking girl and he still has this sweet, warm inviting smile that made me feel like he deserves everything he has.
When people heard who I actually was and what kind of family I came from they wanted to get close but I hardened by then and then started to be the one to be afraid of instead of the afraid one.
But Gus? Gus always smiled at me, even when most people feared me.

I-m glad he-s happy