szarabasjka

I'm the worst kind of friend I was SO worried about some stupid FF that I didn't read Pecos update about his father *shame on me*
But I do know how it feels when you loose a person you love, Hell I know.
I dreamt with him last night, with few of them to be exact.
Miguel, he was the very first kid I ever heard suffered abuse, he lost his parents and the aunt whoi he lived with feed him with rotten food, that was the voice at school but it was the 80's and nobody did anything, all we heard was that he died for some kind of infection, last night he was there and I was wondering what kind of infection can kill an 11 years old boy in days? I remember him, he was so skinny and so sad all the time. I remember we used to hang alot, he was my maybe first crush, never really knew what happened with him
and then saw Marcello, I always dream with him and I like it, he was like my first real friend, he helped me alot! he bought me my first lipstick lol and he had the horrid task to talk about sex with me lol
I remember he was blushing more than me, why my mum didn't had that conversation with me? well because I never really told her and because she never realy cared.
anyway last night he was there saying how proud he was, and how much he cared for me and when he finally was about to hug me I woke up, it was 6.30.
I still feel its my fault you know? I know its my fault, but is not the day for this, is not the week I don't need to be depressed again, I still cant say I'm sorry, I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to say I'm sorry, its way too much pain , guilt, sorrow...
rest in peace to every loved one we've lost so far and may God guide them...