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szarabasjkaWhen they finally meet, it's interesting. I'd love to read a little of the aftermath too if that's possible. Someone please write this? I will pay you in a ton of appreciation and praise! :) )
***
Jensen will always remember his first time, no, not THAT first time.
The first time he heard the voice.
He was in bed, and he woke up in the middle of the night with his first ever hard on, and he was freaking out, until he touched it trying to will it down to feel a ripple of pleasure running down his back, the voice filed his bedroom, rough and breathy starting with a low groan “that feels great”
Jensen’s eyes flew open. He turned on his lamp and looked around just to hear another moan “DAMN!! This is so wrong” and he sat desperate “OMG, yes…” and he shouted for his dad.
When Dad barged in into the room he found nothing, Jensen was 13 and dad heard his explanation with a small smile on his lips and a tender expression on his face.
The mortification of having to explain his father he had a hard on in his hand at the time never died down.
The second time he was at school in middle of the most boring lecture about the battle of Waterloo, only a teacher could make something as gory and bloody as a war could be so fucking boring. He heard the voice once more “what’s wrong with me, help…”
Jensen got up and looked out the door.
“Ackles… sit down; you’re not excused out of the classroom” the teacher turned around and kept writing.
“But… Sir, someone is asking for help in the hall…”
The teacher turned to look at him, along with the entire classroom, Jensen felt the blood in his cheeks. The teacher went to the hall and looked around, then turned again “are you sure Jensen?” And Jensen nodded
“I’ll go check. All of you stay where you are.” murmurs started “seriously kids, haven’t you heard of Columbine? Sit down!”
The teacher left the classroom and closed the door behind him. Everyone was nervous and turned at him as if it was all his fault.
He was sent to the principal office after that one, because he scared the whole fucking school out for nothing.
So, even when he heard the most obscene things during classes or sobs and sad words at night he never commented on it again to anyone.
Once, at 14 he was playing the last minutes of the game, and he scored the last point, his team was regional’s champion but he was frustrated and angry and only wanted to be alone.
When he was 15, his cousin Lily got married, and he was bored to death standing next his brother as part of the bridal party. Suddenly he felt overwhelmed with sorrow, he started sobbing without a reason, it wasn’t even because the vows were beautiful. He’d never live that one out.
He remembers one case specifically, it was a male voice “...just wish I could find someone who cares.” And Jensen, who was working on a coffee shop at the time, at 17 looked straight into a costumer’s eyes and said he cared.
The poor older guy looked at him and blushed before starting sobbing.
He tipped him 20 bucks and leaving left. Jensen felt miserable the rest of the day, what if the guy was going to hurt himself or something?
And it hit him, DAMN! He was a psychic, he was a senior by then and he entertained the idea in his head for quite a while.
That’s when things changed, once he didn’t try to ignore the voices the images started flashing too, he saw warm eyes in front of him while brushing his teeth and almost fell on his butt surprised.
He saw the same eyes and a strong jaw while on a date, he was kissing Kevin, and he had planned asking him to go to prom with him, even if he was freshmen when he couldn’t control his mouth “Jared…” he mumbled and that was it, he had the worst case of blue balls in history.
He couldn’t read Kevin, the way he read others and he thought it was because, he loved Kevin. It scared him a little, thinking about love.
Maybe it was the blue balls talking, Kevin went out with him once more, Jensen begged and told him he’d make it up for him, he asked Kevin if he’d be his boyfriend and took him to the movies.
Once inside the dark theater, something happened to Jensen, he was hard as rocks in a blink and he had to do his best not to come when Kevin touched him.
“Damn…” chuckled his young innocent boy, “is this for me?”
They didn’t even kissed and Dean came, moaning over and over like a porn star, his toes curling and his back arching without control, blacking out for a couple seconds. Pleasure so deep and so powerful he was left boneless and head foggy.
The next thing he remembers is the flashlight on his face and the employee asking him to leave, Kevin never again spoke to him, Jensen spent the rest of his time in high school without sex. On the plus side, the sad words and sobs stopped, even if he felt somewhat betrayed.
It was only when he was in college that he finally knew what was happening to him.
It was quite embarrassing to say the truth, he woke up panicking in the middle of the night, he had the urge to run and he did so, at 3 am he found himself screaming he was on his way while running in only his boxers across campus.
He had to move out of campus after that. And he was sent to counseling. At least finally he understood what was happening with him.
He was called into the counselor’s office and he found his parents there. Apparently hearing and seeing things was not as “nothing” as they made him think.
Back in days of witchcraft and stuff there was a well known telepathic connection between those destined to be soulmates. It proved the bond and helped the mates to find each other. The counselor told him; that over time the bond had disappeared when things like electricity and internet doesn’t let you believe in things you cannot see.
“Sadly nowadays.” Explained one of the doctors called to talk to him and his parents “most of the times soulmates does not find each other, not only the world is far too big, sometimes one or both are already in a committed relationship.”
And of course, once mated, nothing can break the bond, nothing except death.
There were only few cases proven in recent history and in case Jensen wanted to find his mate. He might have to be tested. Just to be sure.
He found it stupid, a mating, even if real bonds like soulmates can’t be forced – everyone knows that- so what was the point? If by serendipity he found the person from his dreams, he’d mate. If not, then he’ll get the second best.
At least that’s what he said there in front of three grown up men who were standing with the counselor. Jensen refused the testing and the help to find his soulmate.
Once at home he felt different, it was a different thing. He remembers so many times when he felt his hand warm in middle of winter, as if someone held him. When he looked around and there was nobody but something inside his chest made him feel less alone.
Brave when he was just scared. He was happy in funerals, and felt horny in church. There was someone out there for him. Like fairy tales tell you, like stupid love songs repeat, there was someone out there perfect for him.
Where could he be? Where was the owner of those eyes, the face with that cute mole? Looking back he could even recognize the voice.
Finding about the soulmates theory helped him with something else.
He felt less empty, it wasn’t that bad really, but sometimes, late at night he couldn’t just go to bed, he stayed up dreaming on the things he’ll do with someone, not one specific person, not a celebrity or a crush like others do.
He dreamed with someone who was funny and goofy, who liked to wake up absurdly early and it pissed him off, someone who could understand his sadness and could kiss his scars saying they were beautiful.
Someone, who could be his shield against the world. Someone to care for, that will need him and wait for him and make him happy just being there. Someone to help him with his papers and made him ignore his homework with kisses or even just being there.
Someone who will irritate him coming home from working out smelly and sweaty and wanted to hug him when he was ready to go to the office and could snuggle when was too hot, or will eat his favorite desert without telling him, Someone who will drink from the jar, that could always forget to do Laundry or fill the dishwasher. And he might be irritated but he will still love that person.
And then he slapped himself for being such a sap. Not his fault, because all humans -no matter what you think- have one need in common, every human needs someone, to love and to share life with.
He tried, first the one TA that smiled at him and was always so warm.
Then; there was the girl who loved apples. She smiled the brightest. The guy from wrestling, he was huge and with blue eyes and an impossible name. The hippie who always smells like weed came after. He never got angry no matter if Jensen was late or forgot something. But wasn’t the right one, either.
Every time Jensen felt like he was making someone cry. So after Kevin he never had sex again.
Maybe his mate was from other country, maybe he’d have to spend his life with the wrong one or alone because, seriously. How could he go searching for his soulmate when he couldn’t even afford college?
He was tying his apron at the café where he was working, the door opened and the smell of something smoky filled his senses, it was spicy and masculine, and made him remember a dream he once had. Looking around he only saw frat boys and pledges
But he was needed in the back and he left. That night he started thinking that maybe he should go out and have sex with every guy and girl until he found someone and he heard in his head “that way I won’t feel alone anymore.” The distinctive taste of tequila filled his mouth.
“You’re not alone, I swear.” He answered. It surprised him, talking to a voice inside his head out loud. He fell asleep imagining another head in his pillow.
The smell he felt at the coffee shop woke him up one night, and the dire need to get out again. He got up and run out, this time at least making sure he had shoes and pants on.
He ran following his instinct, until he got to frat house, there had been a party, and it was dying at the time, he saw more than a few couples, he moved around the house before going into the house.
Everybody was wasted. Guys and girls were mingled in disarranged heaps, some had passed out. There were almost naked bodies everywhere. In one of the couches he saw a sweater, why a sweater was calling his attention?
Jensen got close and took it, it smelled great. Like home, like lemongrass and freshly baked cookies, like gummies and Twizzlers while watching TV and something else, something he can’t even remember.
He was engrossed in trying to recognize the smell when he heard a whimper. In his head there was another voice, not his usual voice, not his mate “come on, little bitch, you’ve been teasing me for weeks, I know you want this as much as I do…” it was the deep and cold feeling of sheer terror in his stomach what made him turn around, looking for the place where this feeling, this voices came.
Jensen had goosebumps in his skin and wanted to throw up with fear, he moved without thinking into a room, it was empty, but the smell was stronger, then to another, and another, until the second he opened a door he found a guy built as a brick house over a scrawny freshmen kid.
“Get lost!” ordered the one on top while terror filled eyes landed on him.
Jensen knew two days later that he broke the guy’s fingers, the ones he had inside the young one.
He does remember though. When he got close and hugged the skinny almost naked kid.
“You’re safe now, you’re with me”
Jensen carried the guy in his arms. Not even knowing what he was doing.
He woke up wrapped around the kid, the poor thing had been half drunk and scared that he was about to be raped.
Jensen opened his eyes and tightened his arms feeling the kid in his arms shaking “you’re safe” Jensen repeated, but had no answer. Poor thing was still asleep.
Society evolved from dark days to now, and is obvious that even the mating that ended in unwilling partners being forced because of their submissive nature has changed.
Now Omegas could decide for themselves if they wanted a mating to happen or not. Jensen thought for a while about what the doctors said: “sometimes soulmates are good friends the rest of their lives because they can’t mate for some cause. This kid might not even feel the same for Jensen. He might not even feel the link, the connection.”
And not all soulmates are linked to be sexual mates. No! There’s a number of soulmates that ended up as great teams in hazardous jobs, Soldiers, or sharing some kind of art, figure skaters, and even wrestlers had a fair share of soulmates, the platonic kind.
But he felt more than that kind of love, so much more it breaks his heart.
That’s why he feared Jared didn’t feel the same?
And What if he was confusing his feelings?
Jared stirred in his sleep, curling over himself and whimpering, moving as far away from Jensen as possible.
That’s why he let him go. Jensen decided he’d first met the guy, if this was real Soulmates bond or whatever, then they’ll first meet, Jensen would do his best to prove himself worthy in the eyes of his soulmate.
With a soft kiss on the kid’s hair he woke up and went to prepare breakfast, it was late, almost ten am on a Saturday and he never in his life felt this good before.
He prepared a tray and moved to the bedroom again, to find the boy sitting in the bed, covering his body with the blankets
“Oh, Hello.” Greeted softly not to scare the boy “sorry I left you alone, but you weren’t awake…” he tried to explain with a soft smile.
“I am now…” a whisper answered, “Where am I?” and looking around scared “and where are my clothes? Where’s Stephen?”
For one second Jensen saw realization on those eyes, he was amazed of how easily he could read the eyes of a man he’d never seen before. Tears filled those brown slanted eyes and the kid did his best to hide his sob.
Without thinking Jensen moved to the kid and hugged him.
“You’re with me, this is my house, don’t cry please”
The kid’s arms pushed Jensen but he was stronger and held him tight and sighed content.
“He tried to… Oh my God!” and pushed Jensen again “don’t touch me, don’t!” but then he stopped fighting the arms around him and sobbed.
It took Jared a long while to calm down. By then the coffee was cold and the cereal Jensen prepared was soggy, still the kid ate them.
“I’m trying to get into that fraternity.” mumbled quietly, even if his smile showed more and more with the passing time.
“My dad and my older brother are dominants and both were in that house.”
Jensen hated fraternities because they never respected norms or people, to him they’re entitled assholes abusing younger gullible little assholes that one day will become big entitled assholes. So he just made a non committal sound.
Jared took one of Jensen toasts and the older guy had to swallow twice to push his bite down “I just didn’t expect them to make me feel so out of place”
“I guess you have to…” and got closer to clean a smear of jam out of Jared’s lips and sucked his thumb without thinking. “Calm down, there’s no reason to be nervous.”
His hand reached for the boy’s cheek but he jerked away.
“I’m not gonna sleep with you”
It broke Jensen’s heart, the tone, as if the idea of having sex was the only thing in Jensen’s head. But the idea itself made his cock start filling.
“That’s okay… I’m Jensen. And you don’t have to do anything you don’t want with me.” Jensen looked into the boy’s face and smiled seeing the mole on his left cheek, and the small trace of dimples.
“I am…” cleared his throat “I just wanted to be clear, because, I kinda feel like you want me to” and motioned with his hand between them.
Jensen choked. The boy felt the same pull, the same need to be closer, to hug him.
“Well, Jared, you don’t have to.” And moved his hand to reach the butter making Jared shy away “I just want to make sure you’re fine.”
They ate in silence for a couple minutes until Jared spoke.
“I always thought I will find someone who’d make me feel like I’m not alone, Dad and Jeff said the Fraternity would do that, But I felt even more alone there…”
A shiver passed through his entire body.
“Instead of that, I almost…” another shiver ran down his body “Stephen said he was my friend.” The boy was so shocked he didn’t have tears in his eyes
“I thought he was there for me.”
“Jared.” Jensen smiled “I found you” once more he didn’t notice when his hand moved to hold Jared’s “you’re safe, and as soon as I get to see that man again he’ll wish he never laid a hand on you.”
Jared faced his savior, feeling a little stupid, still half naked “how do you know my name?”
Jensen smiled, not because it was funny, because he needed a couple seconds to come up with something.
“You told me last night.” and smiled. The blinking eyes in front of him were getting closer and closer and Jensen had to go away as fast as possible.
“I thought you might want to shower”
Jensen was out of the bed in one jerky motion.
“Then you might want to come with me to get your stuff from that house.”
Jared felt lost. How could he go back? What if Stephen didn’t mean it? What if he finally gets a mate, Stephen has green eyes after all, like those that appeared in his dreams so often.
But what if the fear in his stomach means he’s in danger? What if this time there was no handsome stranger saving him?
He lowered his eyes surprised. He felt his face burning, embarrassed to admit he feared going home, but fearing even more staying here with this guy he didn’t know at all.
Jared had nowhere else to go.
“I” but his voice broke “I just wanted to prove my dad I could do it, live on my own.” And he tried to make himself small again.
“He thinks I should marry or something and forget this foolish dream.” Jared looked up into Jensen’s face, as if asking for his opinion. “But I want to study. I’ll be a journalist, even if he thinks I’m not good enough.”
“You’ll prove him wrong.” Jensen let out “it’s hard, especially if you are alone.”
Jensen understood he couldn’t impose himself on the boy. He needed to find his place in the world first.
Jared showered with the door locked, as if scared of Jensen.
Meanwhile Jensen sniffed the whole bed. Prepared a couple things his young friend could use some sweatpants and sneakers. But he started wondering if this was a good idea.
The moment the boy entered the room. Body covered only with a small towel around his narrow hips. He stood in the threshold doubting. The entire world stopped for Jensen
Jensen had to excuse himself and force himself to leave the room.
***
Jared had to call home and explain to his angry dad why he had to leave the frat house.
There was no complaint because every guy in that house said Jared went to Stephen’s bedroom willingly. And no police officer would ever go against a powerful fraternity. Jared’s family was well known supporters, they’ll never go against the house.
“So you’ll be the first Padalecki in almost two hundred years.” Jared sighed he had enough with all that. Stephen told him he was out. His fingers were broken, and he was out of the team for at least ten weeks.
“Dad, I can’t. You know what happened.”
“Don’t be a baby, you have to endure few things, no big deal, being part of the house will be the best thing in your life.”
He had enough of that and hung up.
He moved to a dorm, his father cut his funds and even working at the library he had almost no money left.
It was winter already and Jared felt alone and sad, missing a friend, like missing a limb.
His father was so angry and his brother so disappointed. He was so angry with his family to face them. So he wasn’t going home for Christmas. Campus was quiet. Most of his friends were already gone.
Today from all days he walked around for a while but the snow started falling earlier than the day before and now here he was alone in the middle of nowhere covered and surrounded by white cold snow. It was funny and interesting for a while, but then, the snow was falling far too heavy. He needed some human contact, the small dorm room he was assigned was now deserted, and his roommate moved out of campus when he mated during introductions.
_____
He remembers that feeling of being with someone for so long that this new emptiness is even harder than it is for others. He remembers the smell of something leathery and something else like sandal, the rumble of a voice and laughter, and the warm feeling of arms around him at night. But he decide to try and stop all that, it’s stupid after all, dreaming with a lover he’ll never meet.
Jared entered the coffee shop where he knows Jensen must be. They have met a little, and this was the usual spot for them to hang out. Jared loved making Jensen smile, he was always serious and something in his eyes was sad. He was staying during the holidays too. He told him; and invited him to come as often as he wanted.
“We loners have to stick together” teased with a wink that made Jared’s gut burn.
So, between the snow, the dorm being dark and quiet and a strange smell of cinnamon and vanilla that followed him all day long he was desperate to enter the illuminated café to find Jensen walking around, apron tied on his waist and smile on his face.
Sometimes when Jensen was not paying attention Jared stared at him. How could he not? Jensen was gorgeous and always had a smile for Jared, and time to chat even if for a few seconds. If he were the stupid naïve kid that found his way into the frat house, he’d say he was in love with Jensen. But he promised himself one thing after Stephen.
After his so-called friend told him that he was his superior and that Jared as a pledge will have to wait for him in his bed every night.
Jared knew he had to earn his place in the Fraternity, but he wanted to find a mate, someone real, a true mate. Jared had no intention to be a toy while his mate was out there.
Still, Stephen was handsome. And he was strong and with him he felt protected and his nature. His submissive nature pulled him to be obedient to an obvious dominant.
Nature had made him a prey for the one person he considered a friend, the one person who will take advantage of him. And he was not ready to do it again, he promised himself he won’t let anyone make him do something he didn’t want again.
But sometimes, there was this pull to just walk back to the house, get in the bed and beg Stephen to take him back, where he had friends and where he was cared for and felt in company.
Days like today, when he only saw full perfectly designed lips smiling to strangers with the same sweet smile that he gave him and felt miserable. When he felt like he was not special at all to the one person who ignored the ban the fraternity put on him for his “false” accusation against the star player. When the idea of going home with Jensen and let him pamper him and hold him while he slept was too much. When all he can think about was the smell of pop corn and aftershave from the first time he came.
“What are you thinking about kid” Jensen sat at his side, startling him.
Jared felt happy for a second before remembering what he just promised himself, he’d never again let anyone control him no matter what.
“I was thinking about the first time I had a blowjob” Jared let out not sure why. He blushed so fast and so hard he felt dizzy. Jensen blinked a couple times and then smiled
“Was that good huh?”
Jared blushed even harder.
“NO actually, it was terrible, messy and I hit the girl by mistake”
Jensen smile melted. Jared felt like he had to do something to bring it back to that pretty face.
“I kinda…” and he made a face “Her lip-gloss smelled funny.” Jared made a face again
“The smell was wrong.” Jared cleared his throat and said “I’m not a fan of watermelon.”
Jensen’s lips, those that sure taste like heaven must smell, parted to form a perfect “O”
“But, it never felt right, I just.” Jensen had a hand over his
“I understand, really. It’s like you’re not with the right person.”
“How do you know?”
Jared did everything in his power not to look at Jensen
“How do you know when you find the right one?”
Jensen snorted
“Kid, I’m finishing college, and I only had one boyfriend, I dated yes, but never found the right one.”
The surge of hope in his chest felt ridiculous and amazing at the same time. Jensen felt exactly how happy this sentence made his soulmate.
Jared snorted and rubbed his face with a hand.
“I just want to believe there’s someone out there for me.”
Jensen got up and another waiter put a cup of hot cocoa in front of Jared.
“You will, trust me. you just have to wait for the right one and never close yourself to chances.”
And took heart shaped marshmallows from a bag on his pocket and poured them into Jared’s steaming cocoa mug “I’m almost done here, if you don’t mind joining me, we could have dinner at my house and watch a movie or something.”
Jared felt the uneasiness of doubt, the terrifying feeling of waiting for rejection and he had the urge to hold his breath.
“Sure”
Part 2
