szarabasjka

I've noticed something happening often when I'm blue.
I'm not a cutter; I've never been, and I don't drink or use drugs; I used to go around looking for fights but I look scary enough nobody falls nowadays. Still depression comes with an instinct of suto destruction; my suicide attempts only lasted a couple years and I'm glad for it, but what I do now could be even worst.In those not so weird auto destructive moments I find the less adequated possible partner and do something stupid!!(YES I'm talking about that)
and I mean STUPID STUFF!! like Mike; sweetheart... I like him a great deal, I do, I like him because he's like a giant teddy bear and his gf is adorable and just as cute but WTF!!! why do I have to do the things I did??
it happened before, right? John is another proof, and then the other guys; you can go back as far as Roger; oger was teh frist and maybe the most dangerous of a long list.
I've noticed I become something I don't like when I'm depressed and out of control.
should I go back to therapy?