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my father's older sister passed away, and today was the funeral, I know I haven't been here alot lately... life's been way too busy for me.
during the burrial I had to see the whole crowd, cousins and aunts and uncles, and shit, a million of them I didn't even know I'm related to. Since we're the side of the family people rather avoid or simply ignore. I was paraded about by my parents, you see.. I hate this kind of things because me, the all times black sheep get to be the blue ribonned dog... and every one wants to look at.
About the lady, she used to be very bossy, very weird and always made us feel smalller/dumber, less worthy that we are.
she never helped me when I needed something and whenever I tried to help she made mefeel like the one butting in in something that doesn't concerns me.
as a child I had to wear some of the creepiest dresses she ever made, just because I wasn't "that" pretty, when I joined the army she said I was a lesbian or something because girls are supposed to marry not to run arround countries, when I get to med school she said I wasn't smalrt enough I surely fail and my dad would've lost tons of money.
she made me cry a million times and always made me feel ugly and fat, time went on and I simply stopped talking to them, and lately refused to see her evenif asked directly to visit her, Why? because I'm done with people who think they have the right to hurt me. then my mother spent the last night with her, and seems like she wanted to fix things with me, I don't know, and my mean/bad/going to hell side wants to believe she regreted things she did to me, but I was too bussy and never saw her.
during the burrial whenpeople started dramatically crying and screaming *cause they did* I had to bite my tongue not to laugh, when I turned to my sister, the three of them were crying, even my older brother were crying, me and my youger brother were the ones less favoured by her so the look of bored calm on my and his face was expected... but seeing my sisters crying was too much, is not that I cared enough to cry, is not even I caredenough for those suffering for her death, it was my sisters crying I can't handle...
I'm so going to hell for this.
My dad cried more today than i've seen in the last ten years, and the whole place was covered in silence and spiritual pain, she might have been an insane awful person but she was well liked by many.
I'm staying at my parents until monday, just ot be near if they need me
during the burrial I had to see the whole crowd, cousins and aunts and uncles, and shit, a million of them I didn't even know I'm related to. Since we're the side of the family people rather avoid or simply ignore. I was paraded about by my parents, you see.. I hate this kind of things because me, the all times black sheep get to be the blue ribonned dog... and every one wants to look at.
About the lady, she used to be very bossy, very weird and always made us feel smalller/dumber, less worthy that we are.
she never helped me when I needed something and whenever I tried to help she made mefeel like the one butting in in something that doesn't concerns me.
as a child I had to wear some of the creepiest dresses she ever made, just because I wasn't "that" pretty, when I joined the army she said I was a lesbian or something because girls are supposed to marry not to run arround countries, when I get to med school she said I wasn't smalrt enough I surely fail and my dad would've lost tons of money.
she made me cry a million times and always made me feel ugly and fat, time went on and I simply stopped talking to them, and lately refused to see her evenif asked directly to visit her, Why? because I'm done with people who think they have the right to hurt me. then my mother spent the last night with her, and seems like she wanted to fix things with me, I don't know, and my mean/bad/going to hell side wants to believe she regreted things she did to me, but I was too bussy and never saw her.
during the burrial whenpeople started dramatically crying and screaming *cause they did* I had to bite my tongue not to laugh, when I turned to my sister, the three of them were crying, even my older brother were crying, me and my youger brother were the ones less favoured by her so the look of bored calm on my and his face was expected... but seeing my sisters crying was too much, is not that I cared enough to cry, is not even I caredenough for those suffering for her death, it was my sisters crying I can't handle...
I'm so going to hell for this.
My dad cried more today than i've seen in the last ten years, and the whole place was covered in silence and spiritual pain, she might have been an insane awful person but she was well liked by many.
I'm staying at my parents until monday, just ot be near if they need me
