since my shrink sugested it...

here I am typing what i wrote, he gave me this three things one book I love, One thing i thought would be bad and turned to be good, and stars
here it is:

*sighes, clears throat and stands firm while holding the paper* please don't make fun of me

The wound has healed

Going back to the begining when I started having a journal I wrote something thinking it was the end of the road for me.
I was gollum, a rotten guilty heart
I was Eowyn, walls closing over me, I once felt dispair and pain, felt my heart bleed.
I was both Frodo and Aragorn, resposability, dutty, obligations, but atrength too.
I once felt helpless carrying a burden i chosed, that was mine, yet I rebelled on the choice I made.

I once believed that there was no chance to get the threads of an old life. and I didn't, my life is different, the thread of it is split in several pieces, from pain to pain, but those pains were good, they made me what I am.
I still have marks, I still have scars, but the bleeding, the throb of them is gone, is over, and even memories don't make me bleed anymore, those memoeries that caused the hurt are now fond to my heart, those memories that made me stronger and now give me valor.

Memories that made me sad and feel pathetic makaes me realize now that I grew from then and for better. That even if I Thought I'd never go on when in my heart I started to understand there was no going back, I had in me the strength to pick up those severed threads and tie good knots, joining ends, ends of dreams next to the reality and disapointment after, attached to a new knot to another dream, and so and so until the dreams changed into something more real, less imposible. did I grew up?

I finally arrived to where I was going when I changed path for the first time, moving away from the lmourn and regrets.

i finally can laugh with my own voice, and finally there's joy in my soul.

There's still scars, and there's still cold, but now, no more fear and no more shivers. I stand proud facing wind and hail. no more fear about the shadows that are still there but that noi more scare me.

Now, the darkness is there for me to luck into it, look up and see the stars.

I feel my heart racing when entering places, I felt my breath burning, I went inside places followed by the others because i just couldn't make myself send someone else, entered those places humming hellraiser or smoke on the water, fingers clutched around the trigger and thinking "please don't let me be someone else's Bianca"

I saw her brains splattered in a wall after one shot and I didn't want to be that for someone.

I saw the monster in my nightmares in the face to realize it wasn't a monster but my own reflection, I was fearing the trutyh of who i am, and wehre I was going, what i was becoming because, lets face its scary when you suddenly realize there are more in this world than what you've seen so far, out there for you to reach your hand and catch.

So here I am after all this, once more where I left the threads and tying new knots. lets all pray for them to be strong this time.