I'm starting to get scared

[szarabasjka]

think I'm depressed... lets add that to my insane list of crazyness, spent few time with my parents today and heard th4 constant bickering, painful...

I've been asked to leave the Kickboxing thingy because I kinda took it too serious and the instructor said that maybe I'm not ready for non-real fighting.
at least I'm going back to the hospital for few hours, no real position but at least I'm gonna be ocupied. for what? yesterday spent there like four hours and two ladies passed away in my hands,(don't worry both were really ill and were very old) that's not what I want to do the rest of my life.

I feel sad, like there's nothing else for me here, I'm not fit to live with regular people, and then there's this others that think I want to remember, and even congratulate me for marines' aniversary, so what? I don't want to hear about that.

I fell sad, wasn't even excited last night on SPN, rather saw a Glee re-run, can you believe it?

something is broken inside of me

Comments

I'm starting to get scared

[vambrace.livejournal.com]

I have been where you are. You are "fit" to live with regular people, you just have some issues. Can you find it in your heart to get some therapy, maybe? I resisted it for years, but then...it really did help. Hang in there.

Re: I'm starting to get scared

[szarabasjka.livejournal.com]

at some point I guess, not right now, everything is too fresh.

think I'm just taking the rejection/advise teh trainer gave me too personally.
thanks for your answer

[pecos.livejournal.com]

I would think it would be strange for you to not be depressed with everything that's happened to you in the last year. Is there someone you can talk to?

[szarabasjka.livejournal.com]

yeah, last 18 months haven't been easy LOL.
and I still have to deal with my father treatment and there will be at least one more surgery, and OH!! did I mentioned my residency wasn't waiting for me?

is it weird that I wish I could go back?