Hoy

[szarabasjka]

well lets try with the very first very sad story about death, I was like eleven and I was desperate, I tried to cut my wrists,transversally, so naive, I was sure it was enough, but it wasn't the blood wasn't enough, I watched it for oiurs, somethong weird happened tou, I rememnber the pain and the numbness the peace, everything quiet, everything still, was like being finally alone and in calm, but it didn't last, after few minutes? hours? i'm not sure I had to clean everything up so my mother can't notice anything, she's a bitch and she's being one since I remember.
the second one was when I was in ninth grade, I walked for hours and found a construction, I found a wire and made a hang, it really hurt I have to say, I'm not sure how but the wire broke and I fell like 15 feets and landed on some steel wands,one passed my right arm and i still have themark of it, it hurt, I'm sure I can't really remember it.
The third, was in ninth grade too, I drank bleach, it wasn't realy hard, a friend saw it and made me throw it up , almost al of it and then he pushed bicarb on my troath, doctor told he may saved my voioce, that cause me to change from Soprano to Alto, it was the worst part I guess...
the fourth, stoped before started, another hanging attempt but the voice of someone savedme.
after that i tried it once more, but that time I wasn't able to take the rats poison I found, I just couldn't.
ok this is kinda upsetting but I'm ok, considere me as a more mature and healthy me and free of al those ghosths.

in the end all I get from that is a million of scars and this idea...' life is not fair, is not beauty and is not nice, it doesn't worth it, but at least you have the chance to make yourself change your mind'


thanks for your time...