Tittle: You know... Right?
beta not yet
Characters: John Winchester, Mary Winchester, Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester and mention of others
Rathed; G, family
Spoilers: hints of S3
Summary: Sometimes he remembers What is and what will never be
A/N: I tend to think in the weirdest things while preparing myself for stress, this one came from a dream, in my dream someone who passed away long ago wanted me to know he loves me, even not telling everyone around.
Dean was thinking about one day specifically, the day he heard of his dad passing away.
he remembers the way he just sat, the loud sound in his ears, not sure if it was his heart, or his voice, or someone else, or a train crashing against the house. He couldn't tell for how long he sat down on the spot, or how long it took Mom to get there.
Now his eyes sting thinking about the first time he fixed the car with him.
It was the first day of School when he was 16, Sammy just turned 12 and the giant freak was already his height.
It was still warm and he was ready for school quite early, and then he moved to check on Dad, he was fixing the old car in the garage "Dad?" and the raspy voice sounded from under it "here... help me out kid... " and Dean helped him out from where h ewas trapped, getting stains of grease on his hands. "I want to get this ready as soon as posible" Dad said hiding his face, not wanting Dean's reading it was his present for Christmas, that's why his parents didn't let him buy the stupidly expensive jeep he wanted.
"D!!" Mom was at the door hands in hips and serious face "we're waiting!" But she smiled seeing her boys together, her eyes locked with her husband for a second "you'll fix the misstress when you're back from school D, move... and wash your hands. Now" Dean smiled and passed next to her while she spoke to John "you're gonna ruin the surprise..."
"Yeah" he said sighing "I'm so excited..." and caressed the car with the goofiest smile.
"HEY hands off, I'm watching you..." and leaned to kiss her husband both smiling.
"Oh my God...." Sammy at the door rolling his eyes "Why can't I have normal parents?"
"'cause you're cursed Samuel now go..." John pushed lightly his Wife and playfully smacked her in the ass, smiling even harder when she throwed him a murderous glare and Sammy frowned disgusted.
"go get your brother" Mary caressed Sammy's hair but he flinched away combing his hair with his hand
moaning a Mooooom.
"So... you'll be okay?" asked Mom to the rear mirror when they arrived to school, Sam was hidding on the seat.
"yeah yeah... just..." huffed and opened the door and waited for Dean while he kissed his mom's cheek "Come on!! Dean!! you're a freaking nerd!" Dean left the car to get in front of him
"For kissing my mom in front of your friends?" Dean spat angry "then I don't care" and smiling to Mom "see you tonight", Dean and Sam are close, they walk back from school together, and it makes Mom happy to know they're always watchong each other's back, even if she knows they had a fight few days ago when Sam started making dark remarks on how Dean left the footballteam, and lacross team, and track team because he's focusing on HIS grades, the idea made Sam huff and call him names for days, mom knows just as Dad knows but was one of those things they call "the boys thing" and they're sure their Sons would settle things up by themselves.
"Bye Mom" Dean says
"Bye darling, you know I love you right?" And Sam feels he's about to pass out of shame
"Yes mom, I love you too.." Dean's stupid big grin makes Sam want to punch him in the face.
"Bye baby" Mom yells to Sammy "you know I love you right?"
"Yeah yeah..." he says and moves away, Dean stays there for a minute looking at his baby brother while Mom drives away.
It happens pretty much every day, and every day Dean is more and more pissed with Sammy.
One day he just can't stand it anymore and push Sam out of his way and stop talking to him all of a sudden.
One specific morning Dean leaves the car kissing mom in the cheek trough the Drivers window and ignoring Sam all the way to the school and is the same on the way home.
"C'mon Dean what did I do? Is it about me being in the football team now? 'cause I wanted to play with you, that's the whole point of..." Dean finally turns.
"No, is not about the team, I don't care about those idiots! Is about how you act around Mom and Dad, you never listen to what Dad has to say, and he's always more worried about Oh perfect Sammy than he'll ever be for me" Sam groans, is not true, but looks like it's true, even to him.
"And you disrespect Mom in front of the whole school!!!" Dean continues arms rised "what do you want me to say? I can't take it anymore, if I see you doing it again, I'm gonna pounch you in the face one day and I don't want to!!" and kept walking, Sam stays there for one second and moves, anger filling his brain of incomplete ideas and stupid things to say to hurt his brother, but he does hear Dad, He've said a million times, that you have to think the words you say because once they leave your mouth they can hurt more than anything else and even if it only last a second the wound they causes last forever.
"Is not my fault that you have no self-respect, or that you like to kiss your own mom in public..." he says finally "Is not Normal to be 16 and be so attached to your mother Dean...!" Dean Stops and turns again.
"You don't remember Sammy, I get that..." and Just like Dad, Dean breaths deep and sighs slowly "that's why you still have your teeth in place... " and keeps walking.
"What? What is that I don't remember huh? WHAT!!" he yells and stays behind, Dean turns and Sam is getting tired of that, he's not a fucking DOG!
"THE FIRE you idiot!!!" and Sam gasps, he've heard that, when he was six months old there have been a fire in the house, that started at his nursery, Dad had to carry Mom out and Dean saved him, Mom stayed in the hospital for months, and that's why she never wears short sleeves, or skirts or dresses, because of the scars, that's why Dad is always around the house, he knows about the woman Missouri who helped them while they were left alone,and during the years when she needed physical therapy, how that lady used to tell him stories of monsters and ghosts and how it scared him Shitless and How Dean used to fight her for scaring his Sammy. He knows.
"But what does that has anything to do with your Oedipo complex?" And that's it, even if Sam regrets his words Dean gets close and his hands stays just milimeters away from his face.
"Do you have any idea how close we were to be orphans? I still have nightmares, I remember her, twisted and still, fire all over her, and even If I wanted to help I couldn't, I had to take care of you, for Dad, for Mom and for you... what if she died back then?" and Dean sighs "there's a boy at school, one of the seniors, his mom died last may, and he's.. he just..." Dean sighs and shakes his head "it could've been us Sammy, can you imagine a life without her? where would we be? you think Dad would live without her?" and Sam brow raises "you think that... let's face it, I love the man and all but he alone? raising us? we would be some kind of freaks bro, and now you choose to waste Mom feeling ashamed of her saying she loves you? be grateful you have someone that loves you like that Sammy..." and he keeps walking leaving Sammy behind. "like when she travels without warning, I'm always scared she won't be back..." somewhere in the middle of that Sam had to bite the words "It's SAM, not Sammy", those words feel not right at the moment.
Dad arrives when they already at the table, and washes while looking from Dean to Sam and then to Mary, they're quiet and looking down, he moves his head and she makes a face, that's enough, they had a whole conversation with just that.
"So how was your day?" Mary asks and smiles
"Fine!! it was a great day... things are... huh... seems like things are getting better finally" he bends on the chair and looks to the boys "and... how was yours?"
"Great! too" Mary Smiles "joust.. you know... Bobby called, Rufus and him are... well... they found a lead on something" JOhn's quiet, Dean looks straight to his mom, he knows there's something else, that she'll be leaving soon. Dad let the words fall for them both
"Sweetheart, You..." She raises a hand smiling to John and her Son.
"No, I'm not going, just doing research for them" and John moves to kiss her with an okay and a sigh of relief, Sam groans.
"What?" Dean almost yells and Sams resumes his staring at his plate.
"you okay boys?" asks Dad in his no-bullshit voice.
"Yeah... I'm just... " Dean shrugs and keeps tossing his potatoes around his plate
"I swear the food is okay... just try it, okay?" Mom asks and Dean and Sam look at her startled.
"it's delicious!" both say at the same time
"then eat it, and try to act like a family you two..." finish Dad
"DDG" Mom calls when Dean left the car, she's been calling him that since she heard princess Diana uses it for her son, and since he heard what it means Dean's smile is bigger when she calls him that, so he goes back to the car, she's opened the door and open her arms and he without any reservation hugs her in front of his class, Sam is pretty much running away. hearing his mom calling him baby a couple times and sweetie, a couple too.
"Sam Winchester!" Mom shouts and he stops dead on his tracks to see Dean still holding her "come here Mister" she says and he has to go back "I'm gonna be away for a couple days, maybe a week Sammy, be good" and moved a hand, Sam flinches looking behind to his friends "Oh right... " Mom smiles sad and turns to Dean once more "go now, my angel... you're gonna be fine" but he doesn't leave.
"Just... just... be safe okay? and come home..." Mary's eyes fills with tears and holds her oldest son kissing his forehead
"I will my baby..." hugs him once more and then waves to Sam "bye boys... you know right? that I love you?"
"I love you too Mom" Says Dean, Sam still too shocked, she is leaving just like Dean feared, and then they turn and start moving towards the school door, suddenly Sam stops "I'm suck a jerk..." he says looking at Dean's tears, and running back screams for his mom to wait
"What's wrong baby?" Mom has her arms up and he just fly to them "Honey, is okay it's only a week"
"I love you Mom, I do, I'm sorry..." and she does what Mom's all around the world should do, she hugs him tight and kisses his floppy hair
"Nothing to sorry Sammy, I know you love me, I just... know..." she shrugs just liek Dean, making this funny face, and then pulls him away to clean his face "your friends are staring.." But Sam hugs her again.
"I don't care..." the sweet vibration from her laughter make him feel safe
"I will be back soon hun, I will, just... be good okay?" and to Dean, who suddenly was there "take care of him" And Dean's hand lands on his shoulder "God, it is hard to leave you too..." and hugs them both once more "now go, make me proud."
Mom left that day and it took her ten days to be back, by then all his boys were desperated for her.
Dean remembers that because it's the first thing that came to his mind when Dad had the heart attack, he remembers because of the girl, Sam is asking him to say something, Sam keeps asking him the name of the girl who sang at their father's service... and then the sound of a horn wakes him up
"KELLY CLARKSON!!!" Sam laughs, he has all the right to laugh, if he were inside Dean's dream he'd laugh even more. but now and then, Dean wishes he had his mom, even a little longer, he wishes he had that family from his dreams.