Titte: For what is worth
Beta: Darling purple_carpets
Universe: Supernatural, at the end of the series
Summary: Dean is the one we all worry about, he is the one without much to love for but his brother, right? are you sure?
==What's gonna happen?
he thinks, after all, hunting wasn't his choice, he was thrown into it, but of course so was his brother, and is selfish to think about himself first,right?
Its like when he was a kid. He remembers Dad's tired eyes on him, always found lacking, always; "step up your game kid", "you're better than that", that was of course better than the sighs, those who screamed "why can't you be more like your brother?"
Right now, he's sitting outside of Bobby's Kitchen while His brother and Bobby are talking inside, boasting about the things they'd do once this whole mess is done, when finally Heaven and Hell will even things out and start taking care of everything they left loose, for once, the hunters won't be needed, and what about him?
He had a family once and they left him, they fucking left him, he even gave himself to go to hell, he went to HELL!! okay, he's not the only one but is not like it was a sleepover, and now? he had nothing. He once had dreams, but Dad taught him not to dream about things he can't have, he's a Winchester, that means sacrifice.
Bobby will have his joint, he's even sure Bobby'll have a lady again. His brother has a family too, lets face it, Lisa will take him back the moment he stands on her doorstep and Ben loves him, but What about Him? what about Sam in all this? he left college, he left his friends, some of them think he's dead, Stanford is not waiting for him, its almost ten years, okay seven, but that's close to ten, sure... Stanford is not waiting for him.
What's left for Sam? Once the whole mess is solved? He was the one headed to have a nice life and now he's lost... a man without a purpose or a goal, he was made to be a vessel, and now he's just a discarded one. Why do people feel sorry for his brother? After all Dean'll have everything in the end, and Why can't Sam feel happy for his brother? the envy and the guilt are eating him.'what's wrong with me... what's gonna happen?'
he thinks once more before he's startled by Dean, those eyes that kinda crawl inside his skin, into his mind, that always know everything! He can't hide anything before he's right there, a hand on his shoulder
"you okay Sammy?" says with an honest smile, brow raised in concern and Sam can't help but smile, yeah he's not a selfish bastard after all, knowing that Dean will have a life when all this is over is just fine. "hey..." Dean insisted shaking his shoulder a little.
It takes like four days of nagging day and night to finally break Sam to tell his thoughts, and open up to Dean while he bullied him once more, in the garage working on Dean's baby "I've lost everything Dean" he mumbled "I don't have anything aside of hunting and now... I'm obsolete"
"we all are Sammy, but don't worry we'll find something else" Sam wanted to scream. How could Dean be such a moron, just accepting that.
"Bobby will have this place, its his home, and the whole town likes him now, you'll have Lisa and Ben..." Dean shakes his head no and made a sound nahh, that bridge is burnt
tries to smile but Sam knows better "you know she'll have you back" Dean licks his lips half serious half his doppey cocky grin
"What can I say" shruggs, but then serious again "it doesn't matter, you'll be fine, you'll find yourself a decent girl, a nice house..." But Sam only feels worse, Dean sighed, saying it wasn't a big deal, that Sam will be fine and leaves him standing there.
Sam can't help but remember when he was eleven and Dad let him chose his hair cut for the first time, because having military short hair was good for Dean, the bastard could have been bald and it'll be a trend at school after he kissed few girls, but not for lanky-way-too-short-for-his-own-good-
and-Dean's-discarded-clothes-Sam, kids even called him Fievel, all big ears and pointy nose, fucking American tale cartoon. Dad was on his neck for the next four months while his GIRLY hair was getting longer and longer without any control, praising Dean's perfect clean BOY Haircut, before finally forcing him to sit down while Dean -of all people- cut his hair off.
Dean gave him cookies after, while Sam was crying, is not a big deal, you'll be fine, I didn't cut that much, okay?
hugging him, for a second before going out with Dad, that was his brother's way to make him feel better, he ended up liking his new haircut and kinda kept it like that ever since, even now.
"Hey!" shouts Dean right next to him again with two long-necks, and a bitch face "you still in Emo mode?" Sam tries not to laugh, but it was funny, he was actually feeling ashamed of his emo kid act "for what is worth? you'll have me..." Says Dean without looking at him anymore and swinging his beer up, Sam was about to open his mouth and say that Lisa stated that Sam wasn't included in the package when she took Dean in the first time "I might like playing Wisteria freaks, but you're my brother... you come first, you'll always come first, you know that, right?"
So Dean, no eye contact while saying this, he just licked his lips, cleared his throat and changed subjects "think we're going to Atlantic City first, once this is over...I mean, that'll be the first stop of many" And Sam laughed again.
"Yeah we can go to Atlantic city if you want" He says eyes fixed on his own Beer
"what?!" Dean faced him finally "no bitching about that? Wow this is seriously the end of the world" both snorted this time, Dean hit his shoulder and started walking away "Bobby is making Dinner, pasta..." tossing the rag he was cleaing his hands on at the car.
"Dean...?" Sam waited until he was facing him "for what it's worth? I appreciate..."
"DUDE!!" Dean shouts raising his hands with a disgusted frown "is that time of the month again?" and left mumbling about chick-flicks as usual, Sam never sees the proud smile on his face, and Dean never hears the Thank you
and the I love you too
that Sam mumbles, he might have lost his life, his girlfriend, his once upon a time future, but he'll be fine. for once in the last four years there is no "What's gonna happen now?"
in his mind.
Where this comes from? comes from the moment whe I finally was able to sleep a little bit last night, it is poorly written I know, but suddenly when I was about to close my eyes I realized that as much as we worry about Dean having nothing of his own but his car, and that we all want him happy at the end, but Sam is the one who has nothing to go back to, he sure has no way back into his old life after seven years and he has nobody aside of Dean and Bobby and from all of them is the one that wouldn't be "just fine" with a simple job.
So poor Sam in the end...