szarabasjka: (Default)
so went to solve my life, I have my paycheck wich is tragically short... its ok, I still have money and I'll be fine for a while, no plastic needed so good thing.

What else? sunday I'm on call again, life is great!!

What else? I was reading old posts about the time when I was intern and how obsessed I was with a guy, and how worried about asmall kidney problem that scared me to no end, my renal function is great, and I'm being a good girl taking my meds when i need them and then nothing more.

About the guy? well I have a different superman now, a real one, not a sissy ass pig a real Superman that will die for his friends and his country. The weirdest part this superman is actually a supergirl, ME; a more mature, military trained woman. I'm all grown up and proud of it.

ok aside of my personal growing rant, my eyes burn... and Last night saw the Song remains the same, again, let me tell ya all this epi made me cry, when they decide its better never been born I astarted crying, the sadness of their resgination, and then cried more when Mary said she was already pregnant.

The whole epi made me cry, not because I'm over sensitive but because it was amazing!!
szarabasjka: (love)
and was so odd!! so weird, so uncomfrtable, I remember we used to love every second together and now life is a neverending torture!!
[Error: unknown template video]
ok, so what's wrong with me? why I can't be mature?
because it hurts ALOT when he want me to be happy for him!! I cannot be happy for him!!
becaue I love him and I just can't face the life with him being away! i've decided that I ar least will be his friend and I'm really trying to be at least that but it hurts it really does.
Huitzil is to die laughing.

Kisses
szarabasjka: (Default)
I was in hell!!
She just screamt I'm inlove with D, I took good pics today, and was kinda interesting at the end.
Had more pics finally a decent one of D I guess.
I have no holydays this season
tomorrow and saturday and I'm done with Med school I can't believe it!!
I thought I'll never see this day!!
just two more days and that's all!!
in the other hand I'm stillscared of my life... I'm scared of grown up and being me, alone without parent's money. I hope things get better soon.
I have so many hopes here...
pics )
szarabasjka: (love)
life is adorable today, I loe thatidiot, he called me softy, I can't believe I ALLOWED SUCH.
LOL
I have it!!
is maybe the worst pic ever but its him and I love it

Dennis

Nov. 21st, 2006 01:05 am
szarabasjka: (Takeme)
two teachers toldme that I'll bealright on internship, that i'm good enough to treat real persons by my own... I'm still in heaven with that, I'm gonna be finally able to help those that so far only saw in pain.
my ANA is positive again.
and I'm scared lol
its ok, D is there for me, I can't believe it!! he said so

Prozac... do not use it with Alcohol!!!
Do not use it without medical advice
Do not use it Period!!

tons of things to do!!
and so small time
szarabasjka: (Wanderlust)
what do you think about that?

I lov ethat one.
nad there's another one
"yes its always hard to love someone that doesn't love you back"
Dennis si hurting me like hell with th epics and the story and the references, and why he ifnored me this morning, I'm just itred of think.
I have to do three papers more.
I had another nightmare, there was a person sitting on top of me holding my arms pinned to the bed I was trying to move and I felt the weight and my limbs were shaking was weird, way too weird.

again

Nov. 17th, 2006 12:39 am
szarabasjka: (Default)
I spent lots of time talking with him as usual.
D is so fucking special!!
I'd love to kiss him. I'd love tyo be with him and if all i can get is friendship that's gona be perfect fo rme, I just love him apart of romance and being inlove I just love him.
in a week or so I'll be ready I guess, I'm gonna be an inter can you believe it? I still can't lol

Today

Nov. 16th, 2006 02:59 am
szarabasjka: (love)
I had to suffer him telling me about ROberta, ok that weasn't even bad but he was there next to me touching me telling me about his life... nothing different but teeling me about his life with her HER!! not me.
anyway life isn't that bad after all....

a laugh
[Error: unknown template video]


Tito's g/f tried to kill herself few days ago.

finally

Nov. 14th, 2006 01:05 am
szarabasjka: (Default)
it happened, we met, and I was sad, things are weird and I'm tired
Kisses

12

Nov. 13th, 2006 01:27 am
szarabasjka: (love)
and I just can't imagine what i'm gonna do tomrrow when I finally see him in the face...
I'm not sure if its not gonna be hell to know what happened.
My brohter has a bad hang-over, my mother is a mess, my dad is a selfish bastard.
my sisters are so self-absorved.
anyway life is not easy and I'm glad I'm not close to them.

this days are hell i'm gonna cry I swear it!!
szarabasjka: (love)
last day without him, is suposed to be here tomorrow arround this time and I'm all hyper with the idea i can't think straight, i can't think about it or anything anymore.. life is such a bitch i'm sure he's gonna tell me he's married already and I'm sure he's gonna be forcing detail of that on my throat for the rest of the cheap month we have together...

anyway life can't be that bad.
Orlando, I can dream about him and forget all i can Dennis at least I'm gonna try, I'm even thinking about pills or a heart removing surgery to get rid of this pain...

OB for Kal

OB )

Day 7

Nov. 7th, 2006 02:15 am
szarabasjka: (Default)
and I'm not sure if I'm stioll missing him, I'll be sure in a weel when finaly he came back.

Jealousy
D.H. Lawrence
The jealousy of an ego-bound woman
is hideous and fearful,
it is so much stronger than her love could ever be.

The jealousy of an ego-bound woman
is a fearful thing to behold
The eog revealed in all its monstrous inhumanity

its Tito's Birthday!!
remember that!!!
my poor dear Hector! he's broken hearted...
and Bone's mum dislocated her shoulder what a messy day.
I'm sure now I do not miss Dennis anymore

day 6

Nov. 5th, 2006 02:33 pm
szarabasjka: (Eowyn3)
I know, I know I'm pathetic but i miss him more than imaginable
last night I saw KoH yet again.. and well orlando is a sweet but his acting (even thou I think he's getting better) wasn't good at all.
I saw a movie with Daisy too, david was very good in DUST.
loved him very much, his death... OH!! made me remember Mercutio lol
he's just perfect, and so sweet.
anyway .
life goes and goes and I'm still here doing nothing, one day that might change, like in six weeks, even if dennis is not here with me anymore.
in six weeks I'm gonna be an intern isn't that scary?
it is at least for me. I'm ending up Lily, hopefully i'll post it here for xmass.. if I have the chance

HURT

Nov. 3rd, 2006 01:53 am
szarabasjka: (hook)
[Error: unknown template video]
HURT
Seems like it was yesterday when I saw your face
You told me how proud you were, but I walked away
If only I knew what I know today
Ooh, ooh

I would hold you in my arms
I would take the pain away
Thank you for all you've done
Forgive all your mistakes
There's nothing I wouldn't do
To hear your voice again
Sometimes I wanna call you
But I know you won't be there

Ohh I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself by hurting you

Some days I feel broke inside but I won't admit
Sometimes I just wanna hide 'cause it's you I miss
And it's so hard to say goodbye
When it comes to this, oooh

Would you tell me I was wrong?
Would you help me understand?
Are you looking down upon me?
Are you proud of who I am?

There's nothing I wouldn't do
To have just one more chance
To look into your eyes
And see you looking back

Ohh I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself, ohh

If I had just one more day
I would tell you how much that I've missed you
Since you've been away
Ooh, it's dangerous
It's so out of line
To try and turn back time

I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself by hurting you

Day 1

Nov. 1st, 2006 01:38 am
szarabasjka: (hook)
Halloween, vispera de dia de muertos, primer dia de todos santos
where ever you are and no matter which one of this things means candies and pastries to you... the point is that you have sweets lol.

is the first day w/o him and I thought it would be worst, it wasn't that bad, I ate my weight in candies but I'm ok and i'm gonna go trought this without help, maybe a diabetic coma...

twelve days.. I don't know what i'm gonna do, if I end up going postal killing every couple on streets I'll tell you. lol
in the other hand I have just four more weeks of real practice before being ready for internship,and its scary as hell, what if I kill somebody?

anyway
happy Halloween, another year I can't beliueve it, I had my Eowyn dress and sword ready fo rtonight and noticed that I was suposed to go with Dennis and since he's back withh Roberta.. well i have no date for tonight *sigh*
I'll wait for trick-or-treaters




hey some funny and hut stuff
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Dream

Oct. 31st, 2006 01:34 am
szarabasjka: (Default)
there was so many things a death guy Elias, he was chopped and stock on a box under my bed, there was a girl too, and several different persons, my mum wanted to do decoration with the skin, there was another stuff a beast that was chasing us, i closed a door to keep it out but something was in there and cried for help, it was sad and scary and I felt helpless and and... I was so scared that I couldn't ake myself close the door or turn the lights off, was really creppy I was crying!!

ok ok, that was terrible but not half terrible as this afternnon
D left, My Dennis left, he's going to met her!! I wanted to smack her face ARGHH.
and I wanted to kiss him and hug him good bye but I sent him away and I have no chance to make any diference even trying.
I love him and I still can't make myself say it out loud.
anyway life is good and things are going pretty.. ok...

so
I CANNOT LOVE WHAT I HAVE NOT SO FARE WELL LOVE I LOVE YOU NOT
szarabasjka: (tifosi)
just one more day and He'll be gone for two WHOLE weeks!!
can you believe it?
well I do, I'm even scared thinking that maybe he'll back with his soon to be wife, and I just can't imagine that, Tito says he'll help me but seem s like a realy hard task
anyway just one month and if I get lucky I'll no longer suffer this pain.I want him in my life but I'm not gonna see her near at all.

Kises

today

Oct. 27th, 2006 10:06 pm
szarabasjka: (Default)
its a nice day, pretty fun, last night too
Denis was there and we laughed alot

Kisses

why?

Oct. 19th, 2006 09:37 pm
szarabasjka: (hook)
still blue still worried...
still dreaming with something that is not mine, Dennis.
we laughed, we flirted and we had fun I'm gonna see him tomorrow and I'm still praying soRoberta will not be allowed back here and that he get internship here with me, I'll do my best to keep him with me.

in other news peace but tense weather.
life suck ass sometimes.

Kisses[weave]

ENGAGED!!!

Oct. 19th, 2006 01:00 am
szarabasjka: (Wanderlust)
HE JUST TOLD ME THIS AFTERNOON!!!
He's Back with Roberta, could it be any worst? yes, he wants me to be happy for him!!!
BASTARD!!!
now I get it, now I understand why he was away all the time, why he didn't touched me or invited me to anything.
I'm sad, strangely not sad enough tou, good for him he was soo sad...


five weeks I can't believe in five weeks I'm gonna be an intern
aside that Bone is not coming I'm gonna callhim now i gotta go.

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