szarabasjka: (Wink)
It was painful and stupid and so so perfect...
My fav was Dean, he might be pissed with baby bro Sammy and still he protects him over his own safety.

deanhot
Lots-of-caps )
also watched a bit of Criminal minds episode last night, enough to be brokenhearted and sobbing

and try to do all of this with the "She's the one" song by Robbie Williams
szarabasjka: (Default)
Disclaimer: Not mine, no profit made.

Title: Fooled again - Reid

Rating: PG

Prompt: They show us what we want to see, the profile says different
Characters: Spencer Reid, BAU team
Summary: One might be fooled to think that what we see about the BAU is real.

A/N: There's alot we don't know about the team members, what they have inside.

A/N2: I tend to think on the weirdest things while preparing for stress, this came to me last year but couldn't make it out in the way I wanted it, it is a weird personal statement in the words of the BAU members
***

One might be fooled to believe he's not strong enough, he knows it, The way he looks, all lanky and pale, socially awkward and young, as if he were all innocense and sweetness, there was a girl in college, his lab partner who used to say that, before sending him his way. one might be fooled to believe it's true, but the reality has proved him different, even when Spencer himself doubted his strenght. Even when he find solace in drugs, hehad the strenght to fight them on his own, yeah he is strong.

One might be fooled to believe he's not aware of the shadows gathering around him, around his thoughts, around his dreams, his hopes, his friends, his own mind, one might be fooled to believe he hasn't seen the way everyone in his team get swalowed by the darkness, how Gideon gave up, how Elle let it take her in, how Derek is always in the very edge of it, how Emily went away and came back and is ready to leave again, just to run away from the darkness he knows is inside of everyone of them, even if she still doesn't udnerstand that. How garcia has changed, how JJ can't sleep on the jet as she used to, how Hotch is not himself anymore, how the smiles, the jokes, the soft patient looks he used to give him are gone, even with Jack even with Beth is never gonna BE THE SAME. None of them will ever be the same is the price of doing what they do, of being who they are, and it scares him more than anything he's ever seen.

One might to be fooled to believe he's okay with the idea of everyone leaving, that he never wonders if is not his fault, because, yes, his mom was sick, but his dad left him, his mom could've been instutionalized and maybe, just Maybe he'd have grow up with his dad, the one who wanted him around normal people, instead normal, his Dad abandoned him with such a burden. He wants us to believe he isn't bitter because of that. Because Gideon first said he was special, gifted, that he'd have a place in the FBI, a "home" with him in the BAU, and then, then he just left with so much to explain, he had a place, had a home, had a Dad, Gideon was like his Dad, at least while he was useful to him, he wants us to be fooled to think that's not what he felt. Because Ellen was his friend, his sister, the kind of person you'd like to have around, they could see each other in the eye, and he felt like she blames him for not solving the case sooner, before everything got that bad, before she was shot, he felt she blames him for notbeing there when the rapist got to the house, he wants to fool us and fool himself to believe is not his fault, even if noone else's think it is.

One be fooled to believe he's okay with the jokes, with the nasty remarks, even if he understand they come from friends and they're just teasing him, he still hurts inside "that's the Reid effect,it happens with babies too", "he's so life-like", "it eerks me to see what you find interesting", "and what keeps young doctor Reid up at night? I know I know, listing the science mistakes in Star terk", "no matter what you say I'm not going with you to comic-con", "... he wrote 'em", it did hurt, it still hurts every time, after all Spencer Reid can't forget

One might be fooled to believe he's okay with not seeing Hotch the last of his surrogate fathers while he's in a bed, in a hospital, wounded and in pain, yet He wants us to believe he's okay with the whole team forgeting there's no elevator to his apartment, that he had to climb the stairs every day to his place, that he felt left out when he was given all that time off, he wants to fool himself and us that he wasn't sad when everyone was more worried about Hotch than they were for him, he want us to believe he doesn't feel like a bastard for being so selfish, maybe that's the reason why everyuone leaves him, because he's selfish and stupid enough not to see that others are more important than him. yeah that must be the reason...

One might be fooled to believe he is okay with Jordan ignoring him, with Seaver only getting close to get something from him, with Rossi choosing anyone but him. JJ leaving, JJ lying, Prentis dying, After all it started when he was a child, everyone think he's nin important.

One might be fooled to believe he's fine, but he cried every day at the shot range, every day the mark got intact, every day he had to stay there hours after hours trying to do it perfect, if he were better, if he were faster, if he were stronger, prentiss would still be there, JJ would not be acting this strange, Morgan wouldn't be obsessed, Garcia would talk to him, he misses having someone with him, if He were better, if he could help... hotch wouldn't be halfway across the planet.

he's pissed, that's not something you can hide, when Emily is back and JJ tries to act like nothing happened, when a whole board tries to tell them they were wrong, this time he's ready he'll fight for his family and he did, he's not the meek boy anymore, don't be fooled by the appearence.

But at night, when the headaches come back and the sleep doesn't when he has to wait in bed for the lights, when he wish he had someone next to him, when he misses Lilah, when he misses his mom, whenhe has noone to call, those hours when the darkness shows him just how small his life is, then he can't be fooled, he's scared.

***
END
szarabasjka: (Default)
Disclaimer: Not mine, no profit made.

Title: Fooled again - Morgan

Rating: PG

Prompt: They show us what we want to see, the profile says different
Characters: Dereck Morgan, BAU team
Summary: One might be fooled to think that what we see about the BAU is real.

A/N: There's alot we don't know about the team members, what they have inside.

A/N2: I tend to think on the weirdest things while preparing for stress, this came to me last year but couldn't make it out in the way I wanted it, it is a weird personal statement in the words of the BAU members


One might be fooled to believe that SSA Morgan i jut this though alpha male macho guy, he's not really... one mighty think that going out every time with a different girl is a way to show that he can, but is not, he never dates the same girl twice *or at least not in a row* because he's afraid, afraid that he might hurt her, afraid that he'd not be good enough for her, afraid that he might love her too much, big bad Morgan is afraid of being hurt... go figure... he think looking at himelf in the mirror at morning, but he've seen Gideon, he's seen Hotch, and he's just afrai of not being that though, not being able to deal with what they went throught.

One might be fooled to think that he's well adjusted and that he is over everything bad that happened in his youth, but he's not, at night he wakes up covered in cold sweat and trying to move away from invisible hands that never really leave him.

One might be fooled to believe that Morgan does not mis thoe who left, he' the one cold and ignoring the abent one, but he does, in his locker he still ha a pic of Elle on their trip to the island, right before she got hot, he kept JJ's baby pic for months, he has things from Jason too, he has the paper where he wrote the "we know is not you" when they worked with the CIA.

He kept the badge the reaper left with Hotch, because it makes him remember he almost lost a friend, that Reid got shot, that he wasn't there for them, the part where he was the one in danger is never that bad when you considere you should be taking care of others.

One might be fooled to believe that his mom and sisters aren't there all the time, he's sure they're safe, he' sure they have what they need, all of them, he' sure... because that's what Dereck morgan does, being there for everyone.

He tries to fool himelf to think he only jokes when he calls Garcia sweetheart, but he does that because she's warm and caring and mean every word, he's always miling at the idea of her, just a he feels the same warm weird feeling inside for Spencer, or for Emily, he likes to use her first name, it makes him think on his baby sister, Emily might not need a brsther looking over her but till... it make him feel important. until.. she needed him and he lost her.
The betrayal still feels like a burn.

One might be fooled to think he doesn't pray, but he does, since Penelope got shot, since his Pretty boy was shot on the knee, since Hotch was stabbed, since JJ left and then came back, sicne then he prays every day, not to be safe, not to survive, he prays for this little family to be united and to have them around for many years.
but SSA Derek Morgan wouldn't want us to know that.
szarabasjka: (Default)
Disclaimer: Not mine, no profit made.

Title: Fooled again - Elle

Rating: PG

Prompt: They show us what we want to see, the profile says different
Characters: Elle Greenaway, BAU team
Summary: One might be fooled to think that what we see about the BAU is real.

A/N: There's alot we don't know about the team members, what they have inside.

A/N2: I tend to think on the weirdest things while preparing for stress, this came to me last year but couldn't make it out in the way I wanted it, it is a weird personal statement in the words of the BAU membersOne might be fooled to think she doesn't regret it. After all is Elle Greenaway bad ass FBI Special agent, cold hearted bitch... you have to be if you want to work with sex crimes.

One might be fooled to think she doesn't miss them, that she never cared for them, but how could she not? we haven't seen the care on Morgan's hands helping him on the car, the worried look on JJ's eyes holding her go bag, Reid's soothing voice reading all kind of crazy stories for her even when unconscious, she remembers his voice, remembers him waiting for her, remember and misses him like the little brother she never had, until she met him.

Now she's no longer mad at Hotch, after all it wasn't his fault, she started crying at the hospital, she pretended to be asleep when she felt Hotch's lips touching her forehead and an I'm sorry so heartfelt, right there, after the weird dream/hallucination she had with her father it felt like she had someone again, is not only respect she feels, is not only that she looks up to him.
She've checked on them now and then, she was right there in Haley's service, wanted so bad to go to him, to make him feel the same kind of comfort she felt when he gave her his jacket.

She was there when they filled her desk, delivering a package, Morgan looked at her in the red wig for way too long, she thought he knew... Elle saw the second Emily Prentiss sat on her chair, cleared her desk and set her stuff on the surface once had her pictures and personal effects she even looked at her and smiled, how is Elle Suposed to hate her if she smiles like that? DAMN!

One might be fooled to believe there's nothing she regrets, she doesn't regret the shot, doesn't regret killing the bastard, but seeing her team, her once upon a time family she does regret leaving like that, whtout explanation, without looking back.

"It eats your soul" said Gideon once on the plane when the rest were sleeping "you have to deal with it, and find something to fill the empty it leaves..." patted her hand and smiled at her, now she wish the love of her team were enough to her back then.

Now as a police officer, seeing what scared her at first every day there's no one day she doesn't wish she could go back, one might think she doesn't mind but she does, even after all this time she loves them and thinks about them every day.
szarabasjka: (Default)
Disclaimer: Not mine, no profit made.

Title: Fooled again - Hotch

Rating: PG

Prompt: They show us what we want to see, the profile says different
Characters: Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner, BAU team
Summary: One might be fooled to think that what we see about the BAU is real.

A/N: There's alot we don't know about the team members, what they have inside.

A/N2: I tend to think on the weirdest things while preparing for stress, this came to me last year but couldn't make it out in the way I wanted it, it is a weird personal statement in the words of the BAU members

One might be fooled to think it doesn't matter, that the cold serious expression is just the way things are inside, but no...

Sometimes the fact that there's finally a family he belongs with is important, sometimes he feels like he's betraying his mom, and his brother...

He remembers when he was seven, he was just this little thing, too small to defend himself, too scared to try to do so, too traumatized - now he recognize- to act against violence, because he feared everything, for how things were at home... beaten just because he was too small to fight back, and being The Hotchner's son... the Drunk's son made it hard, that's why he cares so much for Reid's feelings because he knows how it is to be teased and bullied for something that's not your fault, he remembers when shameful tears rolled down his face, after that kid punched him, blood running from his nose, leaving its taste on his mouth, while everybody was laughing...

But he grew from that, next time he cried was because his dad passed away, how can you feel releif for that? what kind of freak he was? no more pain was the explanation. Aaron looked to his brother, to his mom. "no more..." repeated

One might be fooled to think it doesn't hurt... that he lost Elle, that he couldn't help Gideon, that Reid almost were killed because of him, That Rossi is now under his orders... That Haley took Jack away, that she left him, you never - he will be sure of it- never see it all on his face, never let it show on the way he's acting, but it hurts, soemtimes he let it show, JJ is the expert on those, is like the lady has a third eye directed exclusively to him, for those moments when he's feeling bad.

One might be fooled to think he's okay with having lost Haley, with having killed foyett with his bare hands, that he never rememebers it... but the second his fingers stumbe upon scars on his skin, even if not those scars he remembers, and his heart aches, his gut churns and his mouth wants to say her name... every day he feels it was just fair to kill Foyett the way he did, it doesn't take the pain but makes it more beareble, every day he touches a scar it happens, every day while getting ready for work.

One might be fooled to think he doesnt' care, doesn't feel flattered by the fact that every lady he've worked with is often calling and asking for his help, Kate, Andi, Cece, that he ignores the longing looks from even his teammates, Garcia, Emily and even Jennifer, he cares, but not like that, because he was Haley's, he might pretend, he might want to fool himself about getting over her, but no... he's trying, dating Beth is just a response to his own needs, he sometimes needs to feel... something, something more than concern and protectiveness, more than the weird blind admiration Reid shows when he looks at him, just like Jack, More than Morgan's constant search for validation. he needs to feel... something else than Rossi always trying to figure him out.

One might be fooled to believe he's just this serious cold FBI agent, but he's not, he needs to be more than that, he needs to be the man he was born like, he needs to feel more.
szarabasjka: (Wink)
Disclaimer: Not mine, no profit made.

Title: Fooled again - Garcia

Rating: PG

Prompt: They show us what we want to see, the profile says different
Characters: Penelope Garcia, BAU team
Summary: One might be fooled to think that what we see about the BAU is real.

A/N: There's alot we don't know about the team members, what they have inside.

A/N2: I tend to think on the weirdest things while preparing for stress, this came to me last year but couldn't make it out in the way I wanted it, it is a weird personal statement in the words of the BAU members

:::
You might be fooled to believe the feelings expressed towards Morgan were real, after all he is the teaser, always making jokes about looks, always with endearment terms, always touching...
But the only thing that made it easy to stay after the first case was not Morgan, right after that, when everybody turned curious prying eyes towards the unfamiliar, not remotedly adecuated form in the room, the voice came from Morgan the first moment, even before the amazing smile faded something else captured full atention, okay, Gideon was there but also Hotch.
There's one thing about Hotch, for the first 20 minutes you spend with this BAU team you might not even notice him, he's just there being serious, quiet and giving orders and useful insight about pretty much everything, knowing almost as much as that big brain. and back then? without Prentis, without Elle, there was something else... the same quiet powerful person but his eyes were more alive.

maybe was because he used to be happy, when she heard of Jack coming something kinda died inside of her, but after all.... it is Hotch we're talking about,he loved Haley fully, as one of those rom coms, absurdly too much and with such blind devotion it was both infuriating and admirable, after all the fact that he would never cheat on her made him more perfect and easier to love. and Jack was the perfect cherry over the freaking perfect cake... and she wanted him to be happy at all costs

She kept her blonde hair because he married a blonde, so he might like blonde hair, not like she has a chance anyways.

When nobody is watching, when nobody else is paying atention she stares at him, he more than once said he admires and respects her, and there are few moments now and then... once he called sweetheart, he sometimes jokes with her, he trusted her when she was so out of her deep for a job she was sure couldn't handle.


That's what she remembers, that and the sad pityful look Derek Morgan gave her, she hates profilers sometimes, That's what she remembers, and she remembers she was once mad at him, it was all Gideon's fault, but she was hearing it, how he ended the whole matter.

Everything changes when you see your life in danger, and in this case she risked others aswell... not others, her friends, her family, and at the worst times she can only hear what happens. Then came HIM, her real boyfriend, she might like teasing with Morgan and she might like Kevin, but there's still this ember inside of her, for Hotch.

Once and only once her heart nearly stopped when he said those words "Garcia I love you" she nearly died right there... just like when she heard the flowers were sent by him, as a thank you for having Gideon yeah.. but still from him.

After Elle left she felt weird, especially because the one taking care of her was Him, after JJ was forced to leave she felt weird because he was working his ass off to keep the spot waiting for her, When Emily left she felt weird, heartbroken and all to have her back and he wearing that facial hair that had her panting.

There'sw so much to love about Hotch.. she'd stay there, for another decade if that's being close to him, there's so much to love about him, even if he never really loves her back.

One might be fooled to believe that seeing him with Beth doesn't hurt, yes it hurts, is only after that she broke up with Kevin Lynch, it's only after that Morgan took her out, one might believe she has to chose, but there's no choice, she's there for the long run, inside her colorful shell she's as dark and rotten as the rest of them
szarabasjka: (Default)
CM drabble
Elle
It was when they went to Mexico's border that she found it weird,how Reid always made her smile, how the kid was so full of information and facts, statistics and yet blushes when the most usual things as a hug for christmas happened, it always made her feel like there was something good, that there was hope, even under all that darkness, all that weight, all that dispair, there was hope, if Reid, being the one with the worst story, the one who have experienced first hand the worst of human beings was alright...
she could tolerate the demons, the fear, the nasty taste on her mouth when entered the hous just because Reid stayed with her t the hospital to read her some crazy story about a flower that became an emerald.

And she will always remember the story, because when her head was full of demons and mosnters there was an angel by her side.

Drabble

Jun. 14th, 2011 08:50 pm
szarabasjka: (Default)
Tittle: Please don't let him know

"We need an ambulance!!" JJ screamt on her comm "agent down! I repeat agent DOWN!"
the whole team heard the shot, Morgan needed to finish this, pointed but had not a clear shot to the gang member that just shot Reid.

"Give up Roger!" screamt Rossi "now we really want to end you!" Hotch got closser to the corner and ran towards the SUV that was Shielding JJ and Reid. "HELL" Rossi said shooting "cover him, cover him!" screamt once more, while Hotch got to the car safe.

"You guys okay?" JJ had her hands pressign Reid's shoulder

"looks like a flesh wound, clean one..." she informed but her eyes travel to the hug4e ammount of blood on the floor, Reid gasping in pain looking from one to the other

"is it bad? that bad?" JJ smiled, the don't profile th eprofiler frown on her face.

"hang on Spencer, we're almost done with this" And yes, Spencer Reid would believe almost anything Hotch ever says to him. Thank you God for small favors and almost not existing lights.

JJ leaves him with his own hand pressed against the wound and both watch as Hotch turns his ztention to the guy who just killed the UnSub, the case was simple, some kind of vigilante killing every two nights a gang member appeared dead in front of the police station, the Unsub killing any kind of ganger he saw, even those who looked like gang members but weren't, now the prime suspect killed his younger brother who failed the initiation on the gang and was rapped because of it, the brother was suicidal and refused to give up.

The whole SWAT team saw as SSA Aaron Hotchner raised his head pointed his gun and in one short second shot the man in the hand and then in the leg and the man was down. JJ turned to see him, blue eyes huge "What?" Hotch serious as usual lost no time before kneeling next to Reid "let me see that" The youngest man smiled, tried to say he was alright and then passed out, the ambulance coming and everything was just a blurr.

"There!" Prentiss said smiling "he's back" Morgan, Garcia and JJ appeared next to him.

"you got all of us worried here Doctor" teased the brunette "especially when you started talking about your feelings"

"What?" Reid squeaked in fear. what he have said?

"you mentioned is someone in the BAU" said JJ teasing too. even if hiding her eyes

"So... " Garcia sat next to him "tell us who was in your drug induced dreams?"

"What?" he said again trying to sit up

"Leave him alone..." Rossi entered "how are you feeling Kid?" and Reid smiled honestly "the doctor will be here in a minute, you're going home with us now"

"thank you..." he said looking to the door until he left.

"is it that you have a crush on our oldeest member?" asked Garcia while caressing his hair trying to organize the spiky threads

"I... I ha...have not a crush on Rossi!" Reid stated getting up to hide the blush coverting his face "Now please let me get dressed with out you all watching?" and all the team laughed, catcalled while leaving.

Drugs he thought how they let the doctors use drugs on me?

"Don't worry" Hotch was at the door "I told them you were allergic to Opoids, they used something else, it'll get you dizzy but you're fine... " Reid couldn't help it smiled like a kid, and was about to say thank you when the doctor came in, Hotch helped him to get his shirt on

you should be fine, even if you'll be a little bit dizzy and groggy said with a smile It could be a side effect of the meds we used, and as soon as you land you will be transpoerted to a hospital, you have to stay in for a couple days, there's nothing wrong" said raising his hands at the panic in Hotch and Reid eyes " Just the bloodlost, we get to closet he Subclavian artery and we have to be sure you're okay, but there's nothing else Both men relaxed and the doctor left.

At the plane the team spread away as usual, not before being sure Reid had everything the youngest member would need, he had a book, some chips, a bottle of water and a blanket, Garcia cheking on him every exactly 14 minutes and JJ every 22 minutes, not that Reid minded... Rossi was just across the table asleep, but there was this stupid smile in Reid's face, maybe the meds were actually making him groggy, he dreamed with SpongeBob and his mom's books, the stories she used to tell him as a kid.

"you're talking..." the low voice made him squeal, Hotch's face lit by a small grin "It's just me..." said pathing hand to calm him down.

"I know... I'm just..." The rest of the team were alert

"are you in pain?" asked Emily getting close worried

"UUh No, No! I'm.. I'm fine thanks" liked his lips and frowned nervous

"Are you gonna tell us now?" Asked morgan and Reid blushed again

"Tell what?" Hotch eyes were on his face and Reid felt small, very very small, like that first day at the BAU all over again.

"Nothing!" yalped, his voice deserting him, sounding like he's 13 again "seems like I said something while I was out and... and..."

"He said he has a crush on one of us" said JJ lookig at Hotch eyes in the way only a mother does, and only a father understand, the "they're making fun of him" look and Hotch turned to the rest

"and we're all adults" stated serious.

"Hey, we're not making fun..." said Morgan defensive "Not trying to ..." spread his hands looking to Reid "you know right?" Reid just nodded. the team moved away, JJ wen't back to the couch she was sharing with Emily and Garcia and Morgan were back to whatever they were doing

"I shouldn't sleep" said Reid still blushing, and noticed Hotch right there.

"I wanted to say I'm sorry." his voice serious "I shouldn't have snet you and JJ without anyone else to talk to Martinez" Reid blushed

"this is not your fault" Garcia giggled and they could hear the Oh you stop it, is not me Reid groaned "I wish I never fell unconscious" said covering his eyes

"If you want me to tell them..." As Hotch got up Reid held his hand

"NNOO!!" pulled him "Please enough with what it is..." he was feeling more and more sleepy "they'll get tired.. it always happens" Hotch smiled once more

"Try to get some sleep" sat right noxt to Rossi "when we land I'm going with you to the hospital, someone else has to go to your place to get you some clothes..." And a groggy Reid said; Please don't send Morgan" and he was asleep. Morgan, Garcia and Rossi heard that bit

"we found who's the lucky one..." Garcia singsonged

"Nahh, he's like my baby brother..." Morgan rubbed his jaw worried

"He said that because you're prone to make fun of him" said a serious Hotch

"I tease him yes, but... because I care, if it weren't for that he'd never have normal conversations..." defended himself

"I'm sure it is you..." Rossi says and turns closing his eyes again.

At the Hospital Reid had some tests and by the time he's alone in his room and fully awake Hotch is back after taking a bath and having breakfast with Jack.

"hey" Reid was feeling bored

"Hello how are you feeling" Spencer smiled and said fine "I'm trying to get at least three days off for the team, so you don't have to stay back if we have another case"

"thank you" said smiling, was that because Hotch wanted him close?

"JJ went to your place" informs with a smile "she got Henry and he made a picture of you on your wall" Reid smiled. "They will be here in few minutes"

"Thank you..." sat in the bed and looked around to a way too serious, way too tense for Hotch on off clock days "you look like you want to ask something" bit his lower lip not looking into Hotch eyes anymore

"well... I just... I need to know if you having feelings for one of the Unit members is going to be an issue..." Reid Blushed

"Nope..." said making a face "I do. not. have..." sighed rubbed his eyes with his good arm "I do have feelings for someone, but I had them for almost all the time I've been at the BAU so there's not gonna change anything"

"really?" Hotch sounded surprised, maybe he finally knew who the young Doctor had feelings for.

"its you..." said and liked his lips nervously looking to his hands holding the blanket "and... I-I err know you're... but if JJ has seen..."sighed again "if any of them went to my apartment.. it will not be a secret anymore".

"I don't know what to say..." Hotch had to admit against his common sense and Reid snorted

"I'm here..." JJ said cheerful looking from Reid to Hotch, she smiled to the youngest agent "I only took your second go-bag so I don't have to go around dressers and closets, hope its okay with you"

"yes, thank you" said Reid in a small voice

"you okay guys? is everything okay?" Hotch cell sounded and he left the room after mouthing the S word *as in Strauss* "Spence?" he looked at her with tears in his eyes

"please don't make fun" Reid squirmed in bed trying to offer the less of him to be teased but she smiled warm

"I'd never... you have good taste" giggled holding his hand "and I can't believe... you kept the secret for this long..."

"What else I was supposed to do?"

"I'm sure its just puppy love, he's the Unit Chief, all tall, dark, handsome, knight in Armor kind of guy..."

"Gideon said the same... but instead of fading.. I just feel it deeper"

"Gideon Knew?" and Reid nodded yes with a smile

"from day one" and Hotch entered once more

"We're free until monday" said smiling to JJ "he's going home tomorrow night." Reid sighed "let me think about our conversation and I'll call you okay?" Reod's heart was cartwheeling and whooping, does that means he feels the same?

"okay, I'll leave..." JJ got up "Henry and Will are downstairs, they send you love Spencer, and we will visit you on friday okay?" Spencer smiled and nodded. "is the playdate still on Hotch?" and he smiled

"Jack can't wait for it, he's talking about his Cousin Henry forever" they all smiled on how the BAU babies *as Garcia call them* felt they were family.

Once she left, Hotch moved closer
"I can't promise you anything..." he said "but I'd like to continue this conversation once I had some time to think... I thought you never..." Hotch's words trailed of and Reid felt tears, was that a no? Stupid he thought letting his hopes up like that "thanks" whispered Hotch and Kissed his cheek before turning and leaving without looking back.

His cheek felt in flames, his whole body felt weird, but a good weird, it wasn't a lvoe declaration, but it meant he had some hopes.
szarabasjka: (Default)
Drabble: Coming Home, Again
Universe: Criminal Minds
Rating: Gen
Gender: friendship
Author: Kali no Beta
Summary: They know where's Doyle, but there's something they don't know, until garcia finds out and JJ and Hotch has to come clean with it
A/N this was written after knowing Paget Brewster is comoing back!!

***
Penelope Garcia hardly ever gets distracted or out of his game "EVER!!" Not even with the images and the messages or the shooting, never "but this THIS!!!" She tought fisting a piece of printed paper, and running out of her office to face the woman she once considered her friend.

"Jennifer, is this true?" and tossed the wrinkled paper on the table "Is that why you came back?" JJ surprised to be adressed by her first name looked from her to the top of the stairs behind them that lead to Hotch's office.

"lets take this somewhere else... right now I know you're upset and..." but Garcia bathed the hand from her arm and started screaming

"Of Course I'm Upset!!" Garcia had tears ruining down her face "I tought... you made us believe!!!" Morgan got close frowning

"what's wrong baby girl?" Garcia felt a hand on her back, turned and was about to say something when a voice from the top of the stairs called

"Garcia, JJ my office. Now" Hotch entered his office once more and breathed deep, he knew what was coming, knew this would happen, he understood why Garcia was acting so weird when she was supposed to be in her best shape.

Down stairs, JJ literally dragged Garcia away from Morgan, worried she'd tell him, tell the rest of the team.

"what happened?" yelled Garcia "Why you did this to us!! we're a family you don't lie to your family!!" on the table the first page of a report of a secret agent location, and the picture on the file was Prentiss'

"we had to do this, she was in danger" said JJ

"how dare you to say that, you left!!! You left and you came back with lies and this!!!" and took the paper from the table and throwed it up to JJ.

"Garcia that's enough" Hotch spat so loud that down stairs Reid and Morgan turned their heads

"what happened?" asked Reid getting closer to Morgan's desk

"no idea, Penelope was crying... you think they fired her?" the hottie was worried, what if they knew...?

"think I never heard Hotch that angry..." said Reid and sighed, there was not much "maybe Garcia got reprimanded for.. you know she's been very distracted" Morgan hummed as all answer.

Inside the office Hotch got close to Garcia with his hankierchief "I know it hurts, but was for the greater good, I needed her safe, we needed her safe, there was so much on stake..."

"but we burried her, Reid feels so guilty he's not sleeping much, and Morgan has been more violent since... than ever and... Rossi is drinking alot, even Seaver, poor kid is about to quit" said using the hankie to clean her face "you said we're a family, you can't do this to your family"

"I know, but I had to, is for the best, at least for now, when the time is right we will tell the rest..." turned to JJ she shook no with her head "how you found out about this?"

"the case... they have a location for that bastard Doyle and since we were already involved... I thought it would be a good idea to have a report, in case we want to close chapter on this... but..." and sat sobbing "I AM happy... but.. why you had to lie..."

"they found him?" Hotch took the paper from the desk but there was no more info "where's the rest of the report?"

"in my desk... I had no idea what to do" and hiccuped "few days ago I read her fake name and thought I was going mad, how could they use the same name for two agents...?"

"it's time" Said Hotch "JJ please go get the file, and make the call, we'll brief them all this afternoon, ask... ask her to be here around 4:30"

***
4:15
"we found where Doyle is and since we're already involved..." said Hotch after a while explaining the case

"of course we're involved!" Morgan was up "I'm gonna make that man pay for..." Reid started bitting his nails and looking away to hide the tears in his eyes

"now I need you to calm down" said JJ "there's something else you have to know, once the report is complete"

"there's been a secret operative to find him, and its been leaded by soemoen close to us" said Hotch "thia agent followed him for over five countries in the last few months and even tried to catch him but CIA and secret service couldn't do it without causing an international problem, now he's in American Soil and its our turn to get him" for the next few minutes JJ and Hotch explained what they were suposed to do and when, and the Unit Chief said they'll be working with the agent of intelligence that was on the case since the begining

"that's imposible..." Rossi said seeing what that meant, Reid gasped following his train of thoughts and moved in his chair hands in the arms of it, ready to jump

"it is posible, since by an order from the higher bosses we had to..." started Hotch

"you gotta be kidding me!!" Morgan shouted "you were there! you saw us suffer! you saw them crying and in grief!!" got up flying arms and yelling, a knock on the door called their atention, JJ moved fast to open it.

Out there trembling and biting her bottomlip was Emily Prentis, hair awburn and styled differently, tanned and with small scars on her face hardly hidden by the make-up

"Glad to have you back" said JJ smiling and hugged her, Emily chuckled and held her close for a second

"Are they mad?" JJ pulled her in where Garcia was already waiting

"How could we" said bauling and hugged her making Emily groan "I missed you so much my dearest" Morgan was close too, frowning obviously pissed, too many trust issues to just feel right for his friend being back.

"I can't believe you did this to us..." said to Hotch "and I can't believe you did this to us, after all the lies you left... you showed us how much you care for your team... for us, as if we were..." Garcia's hand landed on his back made him close his mouth, the next second he moved to hug Prentiss too,tight and for too long while sighing. Hotch was smiling when finally was his time to held her close.

"glad to have you back" was the only he managed to say, Morgan was one step behind comforting a sobbing Garcia

"you better have a good explanation to all the liying you did last time we saw you" said Morgan Garcia nodding and JJ laughed.

"I swear I do, I thought I was protecting you guys" said holding Rossi, turned to Reid, he had one arm wrapped around his middle and his right thumb on his mouth, biting on the nail he looked a lost kid, eyes huge in surprise and pain, to many abandonement issues to just be happy, thou he was happy "I'm sorry Spencer, I'm so sorry, I had to..." prentiss tried to reach him but Spencer moved away. He made a sound, it could've been a snort, hid his eyes welled up, adam's apple bobbimg up and down with silenced sobs

"glad to see you're...alive? here? safe? working on this case" he said and turning to Hotch "what about the rest of Doyle's men? is he alone?" moved away from Prentiss the second she had her arms open for him.

"Spence.." Begged JJ but Hotch cleared his throat and asked everybody to sit and he kept explaining the file but was useless, every two second he was interrupted by something, from someone asking Prentiss if she wanted coffee or something else, asking about her trips, Garcia moving to hug her just because, Morgan teasing her with vengeance for the secrets and the lack of trust, Rossi givng Reid a tissue under the table or his own heart breaking with Reid silent tears.

"Rossi, Morgan, the Weaponry will give you big guns, they're waiting for you" Hollered JJ over the chatting and fuzzing over Prentiss at the end of the meeting "Emily, you and Hotch have to finish this report, I need it by 5:00 if you please could stay" and it was like the teacher that keeps talking after the bell rings, seemed like nobody cared.

"Reid please help me out with this" called Hotch seeing the youngest running out and when he turned asked if he felt okay, the Dr. nodded and held the map and blue prints of Doyle's secret location.

"Sure" said with a high voice after cleaning his hands in his pants with the last of his tears

"thank you. I'll be right back..." Hotch saw Prentiss and with a short nod left

"I'm sorry, Spencer, I wanted you to know, you from all... I didn't want you to think it was your fault.. or that..."

"that you left me?" asked finally crying "I'm fine..." and tried to move away "I'm not a kid you don't have to..." stopped "I- I'm.. fine ehh, just fine" moved but Prentiss followed, she was teh one he always turns when something like this bothers him, when Gideon left, when JJ left, When his ghosts got too close.

"you're not, come on, Dr Spencer Reid with an IQ of 187 doesn't cry for nothing" and her hand touched his arm "please, believe me I'm sorry..." and Spencer hugged her

"I thought I've failed you..." and sobbed once more, once the surprise passed she wrapped her arms around him too.

"and I thought you would be feeling bad because of me, and that I should tell you the truth, but I couldn't you know I couldn't, not even Garcia found out until few days ago" And Reid nodded "I'm sorry"

"Its okay, God! I'm glad you're back" said Spencer crying but attempted to laugh "Now the family is compelte again, not having you around.. was worst than not having JJ..." cleaned his eyes and smiled "lots worse since there was no chance for me to see you on weekends or anything" and bitting his bottom lip held her once more "I missed you so much"

"HEY!! hey..." Emily was crying too "not fair I'm the one wearing mascara" and Reid snorted a little "are we okay now?"

"no, you still have lots of things to explain..." and she smiled

"I will" and cleaned his face with her hand "and hopefully I'll have lots of time to do so, I'm coming back to stay if we catch Doyle" Spencer gasped "well if there's room for me now... and if FBI wanrts me back and..." Reid started giving her Data of how many people worked with other agencies and came back to FBI jobs and promised they'll catch Doyle just to have her back, he got up and started working on the map, Emily moved to the table, both in friendly silence "by the way, thank you for finding me, I knew you'd do it" Reid smiled this time and the smile was finally reaching his eyes too. Another knock on the door, it was Erin Strauss

"You're here..." said half surprised "you were supposed to report with me first agent Prentiss" Emily got close to her.

"yes ma'am but the briefing for the unit started and I wanted to be here to explain things.. about the case... " and turned to the table where Spencer was picking up files and pictures, Aaron Hotchner came back.

"Ma'am, you'll get the report in 45 minutes, and Agent Prentiss will be in your office soon, but I need to..." she raised her hand.

"I know, Hotchner, I'll be waiting" and the lady left.

"everything just like when I left" she said and Reid laughed "is the team... are they?"

"Not sure... " Said Hotch only half serious "heard Morgan is getting tarr and Garcia is bringing feathers... that if you're not staying for good".

"OH I am, I swear I want to... " Emily Prentiss was home again, and this time to stay. Thanks God.

********************
Drabble in my head for few days too, Spurred out byt the great news of Paget coming back to stay
As a show of respect for Mathew Gray Gubler who asked the fans to be nice with Nichols, I decided to wipe the part she had in this story and there is no death scene.

farewell Rachel Nichols.
szarabasjka: (Default)
CM/BBT drabble

Don't ask and I don't have to lie to you...

***
Three of the people on the table were laughing even before the door closed, the man in the dark suit turned to them startled 'tell me that was as weird for you than it was for me' the men in uniforms on the table kept laughing, the blonde middle aged woman frowned but couldn't stop laughing either.

'the shorter one...' checked a page on the table 'Cooper is quite... uhh... Vehement' and the guy in the blue uniform kept laughing.

Well it started quite well for the board, they were interviewing promising future agents, in this specific day had two kids that were far more than promising, both with higher than normal IQ's, both with Eidetic memory, both with several PhD's one from Nevada, one from Texas.

The guy from Texas, had answered well, but then, lost his temper when he was asked about his family, they had his file, and knew that had a regular family.

The guy from Vegas was more insecure and tends to ramble alt when answering a question, but always with usefull data, almost no family and didn't mentioned it on the interview.

The funniest and weirdest part started when the texan one turned red and thinned his lips when the one from Las vegas started a tirade about his newest disertaton about human behavior under extreme stress.

"that's a preposterous assumption" said out of nowhere and Vegas turned to him
"well, my study is open to any observation if you will... of course you only have a minor in Pshychology and you're more foccused in Theoric physics" replied "while my extensive experience in this matter obvioulsy qualifies me more to knwo what a regular human would do under a certain ammount of emotiona stress"
"but what kind of stress you provided to your subjects? did they knew they were used as guinea pigs for this study you ran? since I tried to do it myself, I know there are lws to prevent us from using real experimental subjects without informing the kind of study..." said with a weird twitch in his left eye, Vegas turned to him ignoring the board
"for a start we picked a large group of random people and checked back rounds, there's nothing to object on how me and my tutor did with sbujects, I belive you're just trying to distract them from the fact that your own qualifications are not as good as mine"
"once again you lie" said loud than expected Texas, and the taller from them, Vegas, raised up arms flying around

"how can you tell? you haven't even read my paper..." refuted, more nervous than confrontational, and taking the stack of paper from the desk in front of them "you hardly flipped pages and unless you're..."
"happens, ignorant fool that I have an eidetic memory!!" said Texas too loud again "That's for the low intelect of your kind photographic memory".

"I know that eidetic memory is" he said looking to the people like he were afraid they believe the insults the man was giving hime "I have an eidetic memory too" and frowling turnoed to Texas "and I could asure you mine is far better than yours, since I do remember your commendations fully, and you seem to have forgotten that they don't need a physicist, the FBI said they need someone who could work with a team, you failed to do so in your university life and you have no social commendations either. I'm sure sir you can't relate to other people that are not related to Star trek universe"

"well, calling Star trek what a low trick, since you're as much a geek as I am, but I'm proud of it instead of the obvious embarrassment you feel about the matter" one of the men in uniform cleared his troath and texas jumped "what? what do you need armed monkey? a banana?" And Vegas jolted gasping, eyes down as the meek geek he looked like while Texas looked at the military man expecting sign language or something.

"Mr. Cooper..." said the woman in the suit "I think you need to realize that if you want to wrk for us..." but once more Texas cut her

"WITH you ma'an, even if your intelect is obviously not near mine, none of you actually not even this... this card counter freak from Sin city. I'll do my best to let you all understand my progress in the science of behavior annalyziz, as I explained my 4 year old cousin to understand string theory last summer..." and sat there just like that with a self sufficient smirk on his pale face.

"countrary to his ideas..." said Vegas "My plan is to do whatever it takes to help, after all I was approached by jason Gideon in Cal Tech..." Texas gasped so loudly it interrupted all of them.

"well I came here expecting my achievements were enough to secure a position in the government law enforcement... not to flamboyantly show my connections!!" Vegas' mouth gapped for a second or two, he shook his head and his hands flew everywhere
"NO" his voice broken in little high squeaky sounds "I'm not trying to do that, I'm just saying that Jason Gideon thinks I'm good for this, that I could be... " and under his breath "he believes in me..."

last chance

Feb. 8th, 2011 06:12 pm
szarabasjka: (Default)
Drabble Cm related, not sure how or when

I just hung the phone 'he's after you, we need to move' they said 'maybe you could go to your mom's?' I know that's not an option anymore.
'I'll stay here...' my fingers brushed the hair falling on my eyes, things have changed so much, people gone, and new faces, and after all this time I'm... I'm... he found me...
'you okay?' asked Morgan and I had to smile
'yeah everything just fine...' Rossi is looking at me too.

Whatever happens will happen even if I start worrying or not

**********
I said it'll happen no matter what, and I'm sorry I was right... I still haven't told them, I'm leaving too, Garcia will be hurt, the guys might think I'm a traitor, and they will never understand I'm doing this to protect them, from him, after all this years... I did what I did to help him, to protect him, when he tried to kill himself I was the only thing he had, I was the only one there...

there's one more thing, from the very first time I saw him, from the very first second, I loved him, never did anything because how someone like him would one someone like me? he had Hayley, he had Jack and I was out of the game... he had the chance to be with every woman in this world, why would he chose me instead?

a dark haired man got close, I know what he wants, the rest are watching trought the bullpen to me, the man gets close and smiles "I guess you don't want them knowing just yet...?" leaned and hugged me "I'll be a date, if that's okay?" I nodded, sometimes, since I knew what was coming the words escape my mouth, just like right now, the idea of leave this unit, my family for the last five years too hard to comprehend just yet.

********
'I'm sorry I didn't told you before...' I mumbled, Hotch is looking to me, like that first day when he thought I was too feeble to be here, too unprepared for this job.

'so is a fact, you have to go in Witness protection?' and just nodded, the knot is hurting a knock on the door, is JJ she pass the door without saying anything else, like all the time and hugs me, we used to hangout, just because we're friends, even after Will and Henry, my boss stands and smiles to her giving me the seconds I need to compose myself before I get up and look at her.

'is it true?' she asks hugging me 'are you leaving us?' you left first stays stuck in my mouth, once again I just nod, the dark haired man at the door again and he just point at his watch and gives me an apologetical look, I nod, th elump too big to swallow, I turn to Hotch, this is my last chance, I should say something... but I can't. I follow JJ and the guy but at the door I stand
'can I have a minute please?' they look at each other and I turn, Hotch curious expression on his face, I move closer and hug him, he at first got still then his arms surround me, ad I want to cry. I'm an adult I should get over this childish crush, its my last chance, i face him and kiss him, softly I don't want him to think I'm insane.

'I had a crush on you since the first day..' I mumble he's speechles
'the first day I was a dick...' I moved away and toward the door
'not here, the first day I saw you with my mom' and he smiles confused
'Emily...' I can laugh now, its out finally
'its okay, I just.. you know wanted to use my last chance' got my bag and left, from the elevator I can see him, yanding on his window, brow furrowed, eyes fix on me, Morgan held me so tight it hurt, Reid is crying, and I promise him he'll be fine, Garcia bawls over me and I made a stupid joke about her and morgan getting over themselves and giving it a try. The new girl looks... smug... why?

at the garage I started crying, I can't even go back to my place, I'm leaving everyting behind
'Emily!' its him and I turn around
'sir?' he got closser and hugged me
'if thigs were different...' I moved away don't need the pity speech 'listen, if thigs were diferent... '
'I know.. thank you... I lo...' gasped in surprise it almost left my mouth
'me too' he said with one honest smile, the one that shows how human, how caring, how capable of love is this man. 'and I'm sorry I waited until now to notice...'
'hey, everyone has a last chance huh?' and moved to the car, and to a new life away from my family.
szarabasjka: (Default)
CM drabble that I'¡ll catalogue better whenever I get the time for it.

Disclaimer: Not mine, no profit made.

Title: Sweet Dreams

Rating: PG
fandom; criminal minds
Characters: Spencer Reid, Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner, mentions of others
Summary: a case, a night, a room, and memories

A/N: I tend to think on the weirdest things while preparing for stress, this came to me a night while touching a scar on my leg, so what you think they have in their heads with their own scars
***

Hotch got there late by then Morgan and Rossi had a room already Garcia and Prentiss too, so he either shared with the new girl or with Reid, he didn't liked the rookie, Seaver was annoying, maybe one day will be something worthy of his team, but not right now... sharing a room with a rookie was bad but being a female was even worst.

He entered the room and heard the shower, sighed, his entire body felt like a bag of splinters, like never before the flight made his scars hurt, it happens now and then, when he tries too hard, is like a numb sensation, like something pulling back inside, like trying to remind you, you're not whole anymore, like asking you to slow down, and sometimes it happens when you wish it didn't when you need all your strenght or all your concentration in something else, like while playing in the park with Jack.

Hotch walked to his go bag and took out a t shirt and PJ bottoms, rubbed his face, was too tired to wait for the shower, so took off his tie and opened his shirt, moved to the dresser to take off his watch and set the rest of the stuff SSA Hotchner needs during the day, started thinking on the UnSub, on Home, about Jack being alone with his once sister in law, in JJ away, in everything and anything that could keep his brina out of the bathroom where Spencer was taking a shower, naked touching his own skin that must be soft and so sensitive..."stop it!" said to himself and pulled his undershirt in one fast motion over his head, the scar on his left side pulled again and hitch groaned, his hand traveled to it and angry eyes found the reddened line.

At first it feels weird, like you're not touching your skin, it last the first months, explained the doctor, while the severed nerves learn where they have to go now. Another line called his eyes, a little further down, and another one on his right side, near his hipbone, right at theside of his chest, in the left side of his tight, he knew them, and still sometimes feels disgusted by his own body. shook his head and moved away sat in the bed that was free, the other one had Spencer's clothes.

Hotch throwed his shoes and took of his socks, sat for a second there while sighing, for a second his brain wasn't full of blood and horror but lustful images he feared, for that small second the idea of sharing the room with Seaver wasn't all bad... and then, then the door of the bathroom sounded and a cloud of steam came out while Spencer came out singing "With him along, who could be lonely, I reach for his hand, it's always there" towelling his hair dry, another larger one loosely wrapped around his hips, at the right side Hotch could see Spencer's tight, where the scar of a bullet left a mark, as onld as his, different but still a scar, Spencer was,,, weird as it is for Dr Spencer Reid, dancing along with his own voice.

Hotch cleared his troath and hid his smile, Spencer tensed for a second and then droped the towell to look into the senior agent's eyes

"Hotch!!" said embarrassed, his eyes traveled to the exposed skin of his superior and Hotch wished he put on the T and bottoms.

"Sorry" said in a hurry and pulled the the T over his head

"I have never seen those before..." said Spencer in a small voice

"no-one have... so sorry..." sighed "there's noother room and I hope you don't mind sharing with me... the other option was Seaver" spencer chuckled "so sorry..."

"don't be... does it hurt?" the kid bit his lips and those huge lovely eyes traveled over Hotch's skin while his Boss tried hard to focus on something else than his fleshy lips

"no, not really... does yours?" and Spencer's hand traveled to hold on his towell blushing

"sometimes... when I push myself too far..." Aron smiled
"mines too..." Spencer looked away blinked a little and moved to get his clothes.

Both got in bed and then Aarn Hotcner turned the lights off saying good night
"sweet dreams" said Spencer

"good night Spencer" said Aaron once more hearing rustling from sheets and footsteps among the beds, felt a kiss on his cheek, another one moving to his lips, his hands traveled to hold the fantasy, and kissed him deeply

"please don't say anything..." whispered Spencer Reid and moved back to his bed.
That night Aaron Hotchner slept not, but not because of pain or nightmares, for once he felt safe and happy again, and Spencer, Spencer really had sweet dreams.
szarabasjka: (Default)
First attempt
Disclaimer: No money made, not mine
Fandom: Criminal mind
Tittle: It's chrsitmas in my heart
Characters: BAU team
**
Here I am once more, glass in hand, My eyes moving over the others, yeah please hide the envy, is not their fault that you're such a klutz.
I can't dance, nobody believes me but its true, when the girls tried to teach me... what a mess, and Morgan made fun... after all I'm supposed to be graceful, even if they know I'm not, everyone there dancing and me, here... being the ugly duckling left sitting.

enough, I'm leaving, got my glass and finished in one swing, they wouldn't even notice I left. but the shadow of the one person missing in the celebration was right at my side without me noticing it.

'why they left you here?' lets add more humiliation, I got my jacket and bag, ready to go.

'I can't dance...' the corners of his mouth rising in a smile, stupid me feels all warm inside with that simple gesture.

'nonsense! everybody can dance...' he saw how much the rest were drinking, and how lonely I was here, how everybody else was laughing.

'not me, just... no reason to celebrate, I'm... you know... alone' yeah away from mom and away from who was supposedly my date for tonight, away from the one co-worker I related the most... 'I'm going home.' he blocked me

'no...' he sat there, in the next stool, dark eyes on me, not cold and serious as usual, something, a spark on them 'keep me company, for a little while please...' the waitress asked what he wanted, Hotch ordered a tequila shot, abeer and another one of whatever I was having, God it feels weird...
After five more minutes, the whole team dancing and making jokes, this place is pretty much deserted, only us here, good, after a case as stressful we need some room to relax. I notice my eyes glued on is lips, the way he sucks on a lemon, "too risky, you know is risky, move on" todl to myself and moved off the chair

'really, I have to go now' he once more turned to me
'sorry.. I'm boring... Right?' a twitch on his lips, self pity? on HIM no way...
'NO! It’s just...' breath, you big baby breath 'look, I'm the only one without a date here' Pathetic! Now he knows what kind of desperate case he has in front 'bye, and Merry Christmas' tried to give him a kiss in the cheek he held my arm

'stay, I don't want to face them alone...' the rest might not even notice us 'I don't have a date either...' and he swallowed hard and got closer 'sometimes... its just too much' I can smell it, the alcohol in his voice, otherwise he'd keep that to himself, gravity held me there, for some reason my body entirely forgot how to move when his breath touched my face, so close...

'I'm sorry...' it’s the first Christmas without Hayley, I should show more respect, and here I was talking about being alone, to him! of all people' Hayley is gone too, and further way than my mom. I might not be her number one fan, and with our history, she wasn't mine either, but I feel bad for him. I don't want him feeling alone 'I'm just...' he turned to me once more, and I noticed his thumb caressing the inside of my wrist, my stomach flipped

'okay-- I'll stay' shit I'm blushing, after all, used as I am to guys hitting on me and I blush the second he sits next to me...

'thanks, I feel better just having you here...' another smile, he bit his lips and drank his beer 'you should be dancing...' a new song started, my ears feeling only the thumping of my heart didn't registered the lyrics. 'Come on' he moved to the dance floor and pulled me with him, he must be more drunk than I thought, what the rest is gonna say.

'Wait no... I'm not lying I can't dance...' he held my waist

'everybody can dance with the right partner, and i'll be your partner tonight...' the only one who kinda knew about my crush was JJ and she's gone, she even once asked me, I had not the valor to tell her.

'Please' seems like begging is not gonna work either, so close, so warm

'Come on, you have to dance too' and I shook no, couldn't hide the smile too embarrassed for anything else 'they're your friends, nobody is going to think anything bad...' A strong hand held my fingers, long time since I felt this vulnerable, his hand sliped on my back and we started swaying on the beat, I saw Garcia dancing with Morgan smiling, Rossi and Morgan's date too, Emily winked at me and Garcia's bf gasped.

'that's the sweetest thing ever' Garcia told Morgan 'nobody was left sitting' Morgan looked at me, he's worried this could end up bad for me, I understand he worries. I’m grateful, he's like an older brother right now I don't care, Hotch started singing in my ear "... tomorrow may be grey, we may be torn apart, but if you stay tonight, it's Christmas in my heart" and his lips touched my neck. I don't know what this means, hope it means what it feels it is.

I never thought that a christmas wish could become truth in chrismas eve...
szarabasjka: (Default)
so lets talk Criminal minds...
what a bunch of weirdos there!!1
Hotch: abusive father, mureded wife, stabed, saw a friend dying next to him while nobody helped
Morgan: ex marine, ex Cop, sexually molested as a child, dead father.
Reid: crazy mom, jerk dad, bullied at school, and accourding to one of the early epis, he's still a virgin!!
Elle: lets not go there
GIdeon: guilt fest and a miion more things,lets ignore that one too
Rossi: guilt fest again!!
JJ: no idea...
Prentiss; well aside of having that mother, nothing wrong happened to her right?

ok going to bed now
szarabasjka: (Default)
*on a normal March 23, a not so normal girl were born...*

well not that..
I developed a crush on someone!!! YAY!!! as if my real romantic life weren't complicated enough... have you all ever heard of this guy matthew Gray Gubler? well i like swet Dr Reid.

as Ard caled is just my reblound after the other mess, not sure, I thought he was a pretty faeand one to have sitting tight and quiet, but theni found out he's quite a smart one and I like him better now... he's very very sweet!!
and here I am, an hour or so latter still searchign for pics!! what have changed?!?!

the answer willbe, I saw 500 days of summer...



OOH and here it is: a link to the holly rgial of CM pics that are CUTE as a new born kitten!!
http://www.fanpop.com/spots/criminal-minds/images/3094179/title/christmas-photo

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