I'm tired

Jul. 31st, 2008 06:26 pm
szarabasjka: (Default)
we were getting ready when the Sgt. got called to a side and a major came to see the company:"where's the China doll?" he asked and I laughed, who'd be that person, poor thing... and the sgt. called my name... I was purple I swear...
I've been told that the right person pulled the right strings to keep me away from problems, I can keep Ernie(junior) as long as the rest doesn't feel is unfair, I'll let them use it every now and then so hopefully...
I'm not in marine mode yet, so every time I get yelled at cause me to cringe, every time someone make a nasty coment on me I hurt, I've been pulled out of the hardest part but still had training with the rest, remember the surgeon hands? perfect and smooth? gone, all I see is bruises and scratches on them, I'm strong though, I've seen younger kids crying, I've seen a younger girl begging, this is just way too much.

had aim practice today and guess what? I was so tired that hardly could hold the rifle, my legs are burning my arms are sore, I'm feeling bad and I miss my home.

how am I supposed to train this kids in things I do not believe anymore?

this is for Josh and Vin, please guys I wanted to post this here because I needed it out of my chest BUT if Carlos, Uncle Freddy or Nate hear they'll feel terrible, so please and I'm begging you, PLEASE don't let them know, esp you J, we know that my Adawill ask you.

And V I know you're not use to our stuff, don't worry, ask Hector he'll fill you up with everything.
szarabasjka: (Wanderlust)
I have everything packed just iun case, got my gear and even plates, weird things huh?

so head to Fort Sam Houston... I'll be parting tomorrow at 6 pm, I'll try to post before no promise thou.

see ya all

he cried

Jul. 25th, 2008 09:51 pm
szarabasjka: (Default)
I can't believe he cried, we were talking about soccer and the days of glory and suddenly when I told him he was crying, my real father didn't cried... I wish I could hug him, I wish I shouldn't have to do this, there's so much I wish...
for an example, I wisdh I weren0t the coward I am and actually get the letter myself instead of using a messenger, I couldn't make it, I can't go the the hospital and say I'm not gonna be there anymore.

I still don't know what's gonna happen with me...

need a favor if any in my f-list can help, I want to end up my Jensen Vid before sunday. so please help me I'm looking for some scenes in .avi

the scenes I'm looking for are:
- Phantom Traveler, any scene where he looks terrified on the plane.
- Pilot, Dean coming out of the house with baby Sam.
- Faith, some scene with very sick sad Dean.
- Scarecrow, Dean and Sam fighting.
- Any season, any episode Dean shooting the salt gun alone in the screen.
- In my time of dying, Dean with tears on his eyes when his dad dies.
- Crossroads blues, disturbed Dean with the demon.
- Hunted Dean and Sam meeting.
- Folson Prison Blues, Dean eating the prison food.
- What is and what should never be, need three from this one, Dean eating his sandwich, drinking the beer or mowing the loan, Dean crying on JOhn's grave.
- All Hells Brakes loose, Dean runing to Sam, Dean holding Sam while he dies, and Dean sitting in front of his dead brother.
- Kids are alright, Dean in th epark with Ben.
- Bad day at black rock, the "I'm batman" scene.
- Dream a little dream of me, Ben and Lisa in Dean's dream, Dean against evil Dean scene.
- any episode, any season Dean and Sam laughing, Hell house has amazing ones.
- A very Supernatural Christmass, the biys drinking eggnogg.
- Mystery Spott, The hug at the end.
- Long-distance call, dean sitting on the bench.
- NO rest for the wicked, Dean walking away leaving Ruby on the basement/warehouse, Dean in Hell.
- there's this scene Dean seeing the sunrise or sunset leaning on the car, does it ring a bell to you?

I know I'm asking for SO many, but if you could give me at least few ones... that would be AWESOME.

thank you all for your time.
szarabasjka: (Default)
so small time and couldn't make myself get to the hosp, what am I suposed to say to them? I'm sure Dr. V told them already but... GOD!! I can't even think about it!!!

Carlos needs to know, now he's gonna cry, I'm sure, he's always way too worried about me.

link : http://www.cracked.com/blog/2008/07/23/4-celebrities-who-just-might-be-superhero-alter-ego/
interesintg stuff
szarabasjka: (Default)
I did it, I told them, and I have my ticket for sunday, Yes Loved Lurker I'm going to the big state again
AHY to HJR too.
I'm gonna be in Fort Sam until new orders, hopefully until my uncle blackmail works my way out lol. *is it legal to post that?*

then I'll be sent to a marines base, I've heard Jacksonville but nothing official.

pray for me lol
szarabasjka: (Default)
what uncle achieved is to know where I'm going, I'll spend a week working in guns and stuff, being useful in what I escelled back then and it makes me shivers.
I remember what i was good for and I don't knw if I could do that again, not now that I'm a doctor,
I even have my fatigues... *blush* I do like those you know? always liked them, lets see what happens.
found this
someone remembers it?

Your love is... by ChibiMarronchan
Your name is...
Your kiss is...erotic
Your hugs are...warm
Your eyes...burn into my heart
Your touch is...irresistable
Your smell is...beautiful
Your smile is...encouraging
Your love is...eternal
szarabasjka: (Default)
I'm in active duty again...
I have this week to get ready to leave and I have to present my ass in monday.
when I've been told I was shivering.
UNcle Freddy didn't took it with grace... the meeting with my family has been cancelled, I need time to calm myself so does my uncle and then we'll let them know.
what am I gonna do?
what If I actually end in Iraq or something?*shivers and laugh histerically*
szarabasjka: (Default)
did nothing but prepare mysef for tomorrow, ad to write a million letters just in case, stil don't know what's gonna happen

Slipknot is great...
OH!1 btw I found this in Growyourwings journal

I don't know if ask for luck or what.

szarabasjka: (Default)

NOW, its very important.
*please don't kill me? I couldn't resist it since some of you tend to be way too dramatic to my taste*weird look at Hi5 lurkers

we need as many votes as posible.
ok about serious matters, the meeting got cancelled and I'm staying here biting my nails until monday..
I'm actually more calmed, kinda gave up any hope, and things are less and less scary, even tried my uniform this afternoon, I can't believe how much weight I gained lol*blush* just in case I shud start working out.

uncle Freddy already signed out a meeting with my parents and family for monday ight, just in case, we can always cancel it if things goes well.
lets just say it out loud:WE'RE NOT GONNA TAKE IT!!
szarabasjka: (Default)
I dont want to be the one
The battles always choose
'Cause inside I realize
That I'm the one confused

lol, suonds awfully good right now,did I mentioned I'm dusting my entire Metal/rock collection? no more pop for me.
tomorrow I have this meeting to knwo what's gonna happend with the letter, and why did I ignored the two before┬┐ I still can't find a reason in my head.
so lets brighten up the day.
btw with the letter in hands I've been excused from Hosp until monday... now it feels like is real.

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